Since my original discovery of a brand on Ryan Howard’s left arm over a year ago, I’ve been scouring various photo galleries for a a cleaner, full brand shot. Considering every photo I ever saw of the brand has been from Spring Training and partially obscured by his jersey, I wasn’t really expecting to get a pic during the regular season. But then, during the pre-game portion of last night’s telecast, the Comcast cameras caught Howard walking into the clubhouse wearing a throwback Dr. J All-Star jersey, exposing the brand for all to see.

Just as I suspected, the brand is in honor of his Southwest Missouri State fraternity, Phi Beta Sigma (ΦΒΣ). Check out the clip below; and don’t fret — if you miss it the first time, I went ahead and replayed it a second time and slowed it down while zooming in so you can get a better look. And the best part about the slo-mo replay is Harry Kalas’ voice is also skewed, making him sound shitface drunk.

If you still don’t notice it, check the screenshots after the jump.

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You think Ryan Howard wasn’t excited after Shane Victorino’s game-winning single?

Think again. The 6′4″, 260 lb. big fella shows off his hops immediately following the beautiful win vs. the hated Metros:

And thank you, Rockies, for demoralizing the Marlins the past 2 nights.

When he’s not busy blowing saves, Billy Wagner will gladly offer his wisdom to anyone holding a notebook and pen. In fact, Wagner is known to bring spare notebooks and pens with him, handing them out to random strangers so he can begin spouting off when the spirit moves him.

This time, Wags has proffered his (unsolicited?) opinion on the recent minor-league demotion of the struggling Brett Myers. Kate Fagan, writing for the Inquirer, quotes New York’s outspoken flamethrower as he compares Myers’ situation to that of his former teammate, the late Darryl Kile:

Thanks for sharing, I guess.

(This may be the first post I’ve written where the title length exceeds that of the post itself.)

In J.A. Happ’s first call-up to the majors (a home game against the Mets last June), the 26-year-old southpaw got a rude welcome from the visiting team, giving up seven hits and five earned runs in four innings of work. Happ returned to the minors with a big fat “L” and 94 pitches of big-league experience under his belt.

Now, with Brett Myers working out the kinks in Lehigh Valley, Happ gets a chance for payback. Or does he? Charlie Manuel has decided to pit his new starter against the formidable Johan Santana. With the series at Atlanta already decided in Philly’s favor, I’m not sure why Happ didn’t start last night, allowing staff ace Hamels to face off against New York’s primary weapon.

Santana, despite his intimidating reputation, has not exactly set the National League on fire so far. After 17 starts this season, his record is an unimpressive 7-7, with a 3.01 ERA. Santana has lost his last four decisions, and the Mets are 0-5 in his last five starts. That’s worth $138 million — right, Mets fans?

In his only start against the Phils this season, Santana gave up three earned runs and struck out ten batters in a 6-4 victory for New York. With the Phillies’ offense slowly reviving, we’ll see if they can get him to leave town with a record below .500 for the first time since April 12.

Have a great Independence Day weekend. GO PHILS!

I’d like to bring to your attention a couple clips from last night’s Phillies game:

First up - Phillies 2nd string colorman, Sarge Matthews, talks candidly about his “down there” grooming habits. It’s quite disturbing actually, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets reprimanded for such naughty-talk. On top of that - the visual they provide for his grooming discourse is borderline pornographic. But don’t worry, it’s completely SFW.

After that clip is Yuney Escobar fouling a Cole Hamels pitch off the ground and directly into his nuts. I imagine he’s wearing a cup, but it still takes him some time to walk it off and recover. With the increasing number of freak umpire injuries and nutshots happening this year, I feel they should all be documented. Enjoy.

Oh, and fuck the Mets.

In the top of the third inning of last night’s Padres/Rockies game, catcher Michael Barrett swung at a 1-2 fastball from Ubaldo Jimenez and fouled it right off his face. The gruesome visual:

By the way, I was watching that game to take a look at one of the Phillies possible starting pitcher options come the trade deadline. Our old friend, Randy Wolf.

He BLOWS.

Weh-heh-helllll… looky, looky here! Seems like ESPN up and added some fancy new columns to its MLB standings today. Let’s have a look, shall we?

The first new column appears be each team’s percentage chance of winning their division. As of today, the Fightins’ are almost five-to-one favorites over the rest of the NL East next closest team to defend their title. Strangely enough, the Braves have a better chance, statistically speaking, than the Marlins.

Even better, according to whatever new-fangled calculatin’ gizmos them boys in Bristol have at their disposal, the Phils have a 70% chance of making the playoffs in 2008. I like those odds.

Of course, everything goes to shit if they don’t win the NL East: given their winning percentage against teams contending for the wild card, the Phillies’ chance of a postseason opportunity plummets to a slim 5.7%. Huh.

If that doesn’t light a fire under their asses, I don’t know what will.

Chutley replies, “Well Larry, since you ask: Your ass tastes terrible.”

Phillies backstop Carlos Ruiz is having a hard time getting on base this year. Since he registered an uncharacteristic four hits in the 20-2 beatdown of the Cardinals on June 13th, Chooch is batting an abysmal .087 with two hits and exactly zero RBI’s. To put that in perspective, Adam “effing” Eaton has just as many hits as Carlos does during that span.

So what can he do to change this?

Tweak his batting stance? Spend a few more hours in the batting cages each week? Watch some extra game film? Seek the advice of hitting coach Milt Thompson?

Well, the answer to all those questions is a resounding “NO.” As it turns out, Carlos is better off if he just stands motionless at the plate with his bat on his shoulders.

After the jump, check out the irrefutable proof…

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Phillies Opening Day starter Brett Myers has been optioned to the minors.  He is now a proud member of the Phillies AAA-affiliate, Lehigh Valley IronPigs.

Myers was a lowly 3-9 for The Fightin’s this year, having given up 115 hits in just over 101 innings while posting an unimpressive 2-to-1 K/BB ratio.  He also gave up an MLB-worst 24 home runs.  Three more than his closet competition, Paul Byrd.  (Some people in Philly are actually open to the idea of trading for him, too.  I’ll pass.)

Myers, however, is being extremely cooperative with the whole thing.  Under MLB rules, a player with 5 or more years of service time has the right to reject any demotion to the minors.   His compliance was praised by GM Pat Gillick,

“I can’t say enough about Brett’s willingness to accept this assignment,” Gillick said. “He understood and is eager to get back on track again. He’s struggling right now, but he is a quality Major League pitcher who we are going to need in the second half of the season.”

Brett will take the hill on Wednesday night at Coca-Cola Park in Lehigh when the mighty Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees roll into town.  His replacement in the Phillies rotation has yet to be named.

Phillies option Myers to Triple-A | Phillies.com
Brett Myers optioned to the minors | The 700 Level

• Clare on Behold, the leaping abilities of Ryan Howard
• Clare on Grooming tips with Sarge Matthews (w/ bonus nutshot!)
• Philip on Padres’ Michael Barrett fouls a ball off his face
• Gonzo on Padres’ Michael Barrett fouls a ball off his face
• How do you spell retard? on Grooming tips with Sarge Matthews (w/ bonus nutshot!)