The Fightins'
Apr
27
2011
The Tom McCarthy (T-Mac) Huffing Game
Posted by ZWR at 10:18 am ET 68 Comments

The T-Mac Huffing Game

Have you ever watched a Phillies telecast and thought to yourself, “Man, this would be SO much better if I had a Vicks vaporizer and some turpentine?” Well if so, I’ve got a game for you*! That’s right, kids, it’s the Tom McCarthy (T-Mac) Huffing Game!

If being truthful (citing our work, etc) to the point of prudence, the inspiration for this came from the demurely named Tom McCarthy Sucks blog, as they so kindly localized the hate and made fun graphics and such. Heck, maybe now they’ll actually update it or something. NEW ONE! Every time you go to tmacsucks.blogspot.com and it’s not updated, fill your right lung with commercial strength solvent vapor!

Howwwww about that?!

And hey, speaking of awkwardly forced segues, let’s get to the Official game rules, shall we? Without further adieu (sic):

Tom yells at you in a golden-throated, over-modulated voice:
Huff one of those really thick, industrial-sized permanent markers for 10 seconds

Tom breaks Wheels’ balls over the trivia question:
Go to the fridge and do a blast from the aerosolized whipped cream

Tom starts a sentence with, “Heyyyy!”:
Dip an old t-shirt into a bucket of chloroform and it hold it to your face for 5 seconds

Tom proclaims unconvincingly, “Howwww about that?!!”:
Insert your entire head in a gallon-sized freezer bag of a paint thinner

Tom forces a segue to an on-air ad read, saying, “Speaking of…[hardly related topic]…, …”:
Spray oven cleaner directly into your mouth

Tom talks for an entire inning without breathing:
Zip yourself in a Dryel bag filled halfway with formaldehyde

Tom says “red hot”:
Duct tape a sandwich baggie of nail polish remover over your face like a surgical mask

Tom says or does something to Sarge that leaves you rooting for an assault:
Shoot computer keyboard cleaner directly up your nose (one nostril)

Tom cackles a phony used car salesman laugh at something that wasn’t all that funny:
Shut all the doors and windows in your house or apartment, turn the A/C up to high, and pour turpentine directly in your vents

Tom emotes positively for the other team:
Lock yourself in a closet, put a towel along the floor to prevent fresh air from sneaking in, and steam a bucket of ammonia.

That should do it, kids. If you think up anymore, leave them in the comments.

Phillies TV broadcasts are going to be so much more fun now–you won’t even have a reason to mute them and put on the radio!

* Note: Neither ZooWithRoy.com or TheFightins.com (publicly) endorses inhalant abuse. The preceding has been a work of satire. Don’t do drugs.

68 Responses to “The Tom McCarthy (T-Mac) Huffing Game”

  1. BroadnPattison08 says:

    “Every step of the wayyyyyyy”

  2. ryans mom says:

    hey ryan, stopp huffing that spray paint

  3. The more you listen to the radio, the more Tom McCarthy is insufferable. He needs to shut up. The non-stop talk is so annoying.

  4. Jeffrey says:

    After suffering through the D-Bags brutally bad broadcasters on Extra Innings last night, T-Mac would be a breath of fresh air. Hey, speaking of breathing, can I hold that Dryel bag for a hot minute?

  5. KosMo says:

    This seems like it’s making fun of something else, that’s not directly stated. I hope it is.

  6. Danger Guerrero says:

    I really hope this started with a Google search on your work computer for “things you can huff to get high.”

  7. theKrisheim says:

    oppp-o, bopppp-o

  8. meech.one says:

    It’s sorta-directly stated, KosMo. And yes, it is.

  9. ryans mom says:

    don’t encourage him any more. when he was 11 we caught him “playing” in the venetian blinds.

  10. NQADutch says:

    Well the phillies strand three on the base paths and Halladay snapped his arm in two, as we head to the top of the 5th inning!
    (yay??)
    #UghTmac

  11. KosMo says:

    Hahaha, I thought so. Good shot at him.

  12. AFN says:

    Tom McCarthy is the Randy Newman of broadcasters; he says what he sees. Not one shot, whether game footage or random crowd shots, can go by without him trying to work it into his shtick. NOT ONE.

  13. crazy4swayze says:

    “Hit a ton” = vcr head cleaner

  14. Schmitter22 says:

    Did I mention how happy I am that this site is back?

  15. CannedHeat says:

    Is that kid huffing a Panera bag?

  16. Max Power says:

    Safe and secure at second base, safe and secure with a paper bag full of glue fumes.

  17. AFN says:

    All of this is made more painfully obvious when you watch the video montages posted on MLB.com after the game of a pitchers strikeouts. All of McCarthy’s calls are exactly the same. Might as well just have a switchboard with his recordings and press buttons.

  18. ryans mom says:

    the one time i let him watch oprah with me, he goes and throws a rainbow party in our basement

  19. Ryan says:

    True story: I got a text from ZWR yesterday that said “Dude email be a picture of you huffing tonight don’t ask just do it.” So i did it.

    And yea, its a Panera bag.

  20. zims says:

    i miss Harry :o |

  21. zims says:

    …and that wasnt supposed to be a smiley face. :( :(

  22. meech.one says:

    haha, I didn’t even realize that was you Petz. Good stuff.

  23. Kyle Scott says:

    Hey guys, stop picking on me. :( ((((

  24. Ryan says:

    Its a true team effort, Meeçone.

  25. Walklett says:

    I need to stock up on cases of whipped cream.

  26. Defenestrate Wheels says:

    I usually waft fat girls’ panties, and that gets me where i need to be

  27. Wes Chamberlain says:

    Sorry, I only huff fermented cat feces

  28. Brandon says:

    http://img1.tvloop.com/img/showpics/fc/61/l3589fc900000_1_12091.

    Charlie’s been doing this since T-mac took over

  29. Brandon says:

    Thanks broken link for ruining it..

    Let’s try this one?
    http://reviewsfromtheabyss.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/l3589fc900000_1_12091.jpg

  30. Mr. Bryan says:

    I almost shot water out of my nose reading this.

  31. Ryan Halladay says:

    …and if tmack mispronounces a player’s name in a key moment?

  32. BigMiles says:

    I’ll have to add this to the list along with shotgunning beers for Chooch bombs and Ben Francisco plating runs from third with less than two outs.

  33. Joe D says:

    I like the way this blog is going with the shredding of T-Mac. His tits looked really great in that green shirt. I could tell he was so pissed last night when they had Unser in the booth. In his head he was thinking “Must talk, must talk, don’t these guys get that 99% of the broadcast must be me talking…let me talk!!!!!!”

  34. meech.one says:

    Call me crazy (which I’m sure you will), but I actually like T-Mac.

  35. Big Bertha says:

    It’s like I’m walking on sunshine!

  36. thegons45 says:

    i laughed the entire damn post lol

  37. FanSince09 says:

    My only problem with TMac is he doesn’t let the legendary long time voice of the phillies Chris Wheeler talk enough.

  38. Tiger Woods' Escalade says:

    ‘member when Wheels did play by play?

  39. HummerX says:

    I don’t mind T-Mac, he’s just kinda there. That picture is just killer though

  40. Franny Murt says:

    Living in San Diego and having MLB on Time Warner, depending on who the Phils are playing, I get stuck with all kinds of insufferable game callers. Hearing T-Mac and Wheels maybe every fifth game is like listening to Arliss Howard as grown up Scotty so don’t complain bitches. If gas prices weren’t so high, I’d be huffing a bag of gas to get through it all.

  41. Jorge Suarez says:

    THIS SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. I WILL TRY THIS AT HOME…IT SEEMS TO BEAT THE CROSSING BOARD DRINKING GAME. MAYBE I’LL DO BOTH

  42. Joe D says:

    meech, you crazy.

  43. Lynniemac says:

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue.

  44. Haddon Heights Harv says:

    The “huffing” article was very funny, but the reality is that the Phils TV broadcasts really are hard to watch. MacCarthy can’t or won’t shut up, and he feels compelled to prevent even a nano-second of dead air. He must get paid by the word. Mathews spends most of his time talking about his playing career (as if anyone gives a crap) , and his post-game interviews are as ill conceived as his hats (what are you hiding under there, Sarge?). Wheeler is Wheeler… maybe I’m used to him by now, but he is Jack freakin’ Brickhouse compared to the other two. Sadly, we’re going to need to get used to all three of them. MacCarthy IS a good pitchman, which is all that’s important to management. Wheeler has tenure, and like a bad teacher in Jersey, he’s not going anywhere. Matthews is the “local” ex-jock, and he’d be as difficult to remove as a hemoroid. Thank God for the radio guys and mute buttons!!!

  45. James Fayleez says:

    @47 -

    Great new nickname for Wheeler…

    “TENURED”

  46. Tom McCarthy's Vocal Chords says:

    you guys need to CHILL. OUT.

  47. Tom McCarthy's Vocal Chords says:

    i dont care what you say about me because ill be BAAAAACCCCKKKKK on the air tonight no matter what.

  48. Joe D says:

    @47….spot. fucking. on.

  49. Tom McCarthy's Vocal Chords says:

    unless its ‘oppo boppo’ day. then carry on.

  50. Danyiel says:

    Genius. Just fucking genius.

  51. BiggestNuts says:

    From those rules, we’ll all be dead within 3 innings.

  52. Franny Murt says:

    54. I think Sarah Madsen hijacked ZWR and created this game/post with that intention.

  53. BiggestNuts says:

    @55

    Well ffuuuuuuu—

    I’m not playing then.

  54. Putt Putt says:

    Just count the amount of times in a single broadcast something is referred to as “unbelievable”. Let’s face it…no matter who took over for Harry was going to have an uphill climb, but having this guy continue to do every inning is just brutal.

  55. Tom talks for an entire inning without breathing says:

    Tom talks for an entire inning without breathing

  56. ACE says:

    Thank you for the disclaimer at the end of this. Inhalant Abuse is definitely not amusing as many lives are lost each year to it. Visit ww.inhalant.org to learn more..

  57. Kyle Scott says:

    Shut up Ace. Get a girlfriend. I did. (Sup baby if you read this I totally would love to huff some spraypaint with you tonight then go look at the stars.)

  58. Jocksniffer says:

    ACE, you’re a pussy. Fuck off.

  59. meech.one says:

    “Inhalant Abuse is definitely not amusing…”

    Of course it it, didn’t you read the post? Or see that one episode of Intervention with the computer duster broad? Hilarious!

  60. SAID! says:

    @meech.one that episode of intervention was INTENSE especially when she cuts herself

  61. Chris says:

    This is a serious question. Can somebody explain why nobody here likes Kyle Scott? He seems like kind of a douche to me, but no more than half of the writers of the Fightins. If you switched him out with some of the writers here I wouldn’t know the difference. Please explain.

  62. meech.one says:

    @Chris: You ever see that movie Single White Female? If not, Bridget Fonda is doing her own thing and then along comes Jennifer Jason Leigh who, presumably, had her own life but then all of a sudden Leigh’s character starts dressing exactly like Fonda, and gets her hair cut and dyed to look like Fonda, resulting in a startling resemblance between Leigh and Fonda. It’s like JJL’s character was so boring that she figured she might as well just try and be EXACTLY like Fonda, copying mannerisms and everything because she secretly wanted to be her.

    It’s a good movie.

  63. BobSmith77 says:

    Finally some genuine 100% funny and creative stuff that made me laugh.

  64. Bill Baer says:

    During a home run, Tom McCarthy yells “…and that ball is GOOOOONE!!!!!111!11ONE!!1!1!!!!”

    Bring two charcoal grills into your bathroom. Seal off any passageways for air. Actively inhale the smoke.

    /BradDelp’d

  65. ReclinerGM says:

    Tom gets super, super pumped for THE THIRST INNING!

    I feel like I’m watching a children’s program or a WB Mason commerical when he talks. He’s horrible.

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