The Fightins'
The Target (Part 1)
Posted by ZWR at 1:56 pm ET 71 Comments

Days sometimes have the proclivity toward extending themselves with complete disregard for the matters attended to within their countless starts and counted ends. As such it was on this one- late and long into the summer night though still brightness shone upon the streets of West Philadelphia. In a funeral home (an old funeral home, at one point in the building’s past life a corner store with two apartments crowning its hand-crafted shelves lined with boxes and jars- as only can be found in the city) office sat the big man. He looked menacingly at everything, and all were known to shrink from his gaze.

The phone, though, dared ring.

“Who this,” he snapped.



“Who’s this?”

“I’m not gon’ play this game, boy. Who are you, and what do you want?”

“It’s Meech!”

“I don’t know no fuckin Meech.”

The voice responded, upon a sigh, “it’s M1 Crackajack.”

“Ohhhhh. Why didn’t you say so you stupid mother fucker?!”

“Yeah, sorry. Look, cuz,–”

“Don’t know who the fuck you think is of relation, cuz,” the big man interrupted.

“Sorry, I’m just a little worked up over here– it’s the bandwidth. I got a bad batch, man. Shit’s all fucked up over here.”

Inside the small, spartan office, the big man seethed. “The fuck you want me do about it?”

More calmly, as would be judged prudent by both audience and critic alike if given witness to the scene (we feel more eyes upon us in our most desperate moments than actually stray in our direction, so is the nature of sadness), Meech conceded, “There’s nothing for you to do. I just… I need more. Like an early re-up. I’m trying to run my shit over here and I can’t do that if I don’t got no bandwidth. Fools are already trying to take my spot, use my men. The Barkstees boys are up on all my corners–those weak ass bitches belong in the low rises! Everyone knows that. Shit, I even saw my boy Dash is getting beef. He’s a soldier and all, but eventually a man’s got to eat.”

“You go to anybody else?”

“Of course not!”


“Nah. I swear. Some low-level guys offered me shit but I told them I’m not interested.” Meech was telling the truth.

The big man motioned to a corner of the room unseen from windows, doorway, and, to now, the narrative. A man, young- paradoxically emanating strength while enacting subservience- walked with a businesslike pace to the desk. With a few words, silently spoken (though his enveloping grip’s cover of the phone voided this necessity), the troop was off with his orders.


1989. Wildwood, New Jersey
A young Michael sits on an aquamarine painted bench in front of The Himalaya, two tickets short of a ride, two beers beyond his ability. His embroidered Z. Cavaricci t-shirt, along with his new jean shorts from Gigolo’s, frames what would later become known as “the outfit”, though at the moment it sings only a song to scrawniness. “Yes, these are real Jordans!” Michael shouts over the Slick Rick cassette blasting from his Walkman’s spongy headphones. “They do too make them in blue, you fag!”

A group of young girls approach (think Odette, Volume 2). Michael stands, folds two one dollar bills, and stuffs them into his sock. “Yo.” They giggle, though are clearly impressed that he leads his group. And with movement and light the night progresses. As the last of the Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam plays for those remaining afloat in the sea breeze and stars, Michael’s friend Tug eats a waffle and ice cream while our protagonist gives the girls directions to The Thunderbird Motel.


<End of Part 1>


71 Responses to “The Target (Part 1)”

  1. MintyFresh says:


  2. Adam Eaton says:

    Holy FUCK it’s great to be posting again.

  3. beef says:

    should we expect:

    The Detail
    The Buys
    Old Cases
    The Pager
    The Wire
    One Arrest
    Game Day
    The Cost
    The Hunt
    Cleaning Up


  4. Tyson says:

    I hope this story ends in you getting more bandwidth. Definitely looks amateurish to be down for so long.

  5. maxL says:

    Yeah, this is gonna be good.

  6. meech.two says:

    This gives me douche chills.

  7. crazy4swayze says:

    solid wildwood references. i was a royal sands type of sonbitch myself.

  8. Capt Murdock says:

    I like to imagine ZWR is typing this from Arkham.

  9. Shawn James says:

    I hate wildwood.. seriously

  10. GTO says:

    Wildwood is a shithole, but I have a lot of good memories of said shithole

  11. Cliff Lee says:

    I should be a phil

  12. HenryRowengartner says:

    I’m sorry, but many big words not used properly make this borderline unreadable. Stop trying to show off the dictionary, it creates failure.

  13. Stickaforkin'em says:

    Thank GOD the Fightins’ is back!

    @GTO…my thoughts exactly…what a dump…but some great memories.

  14. GTO says:

    Side note: nicely done ZWR.

    ‘spartan office’ though?? I doubt many people will get that laconic imagery

  15. philajaime says:

    Holy crap turned Howard into Mr. T.

  16. all things bacon says:

    @ Tyson. This site IS amateurish. Which does not mean bad. It means they can get away with shit that corporate blogs aren’t allowed to say. And crash during a 7 game win streak. It adds to the je ne sais quoi.

    Meech, if the Phils lose tonight, I’m hacking your everything and keeping this site down until the Phils are back in first place. By the way, welcome back.

  17. TC says:

    soooo what happened to the bandwith? some of us are at work dude.

  18. GMart says:

    “Donkey” count = zero in part one?

  19. Stones says:

    Is anyone convinced if Roy Halladay checked out ZWR (coupled with ZWR’s interview on ESPN) Halladay would be scared of hanging out with ZWR?

  20. 85 says:

    I’m only convinced that Roy Halladay is incapable of fear.

  21. HummerX says:

    oh my god

  22. Jdashdog says:

    Meech’s Dom Brown version should be posted soon

  23. Pozzo says:

    @that Fool ROTY edition
    When I saw you cop that Henry Rosenfurter name i was all, this dude must be ill, yo. Then, as i read your vomitorious blomment, I was all: Give me the Rocket over this dude, and if he tries to float it i’ma get all Angels in the Outfield on his ass.

    All that said, I enoyed the post.

  24. maria says:

    If anyone else was at the game last night and saw the that segment where one of the ball girls asked the players, if they could be any animal, what would they be. Roy Halladay said fish. I still don’t know what to make of that.

    Wildwood is a shithole, but a lot of memories. Smart enough now, to know that I shouldn’t go there.

  25. will.H says:

    maira, haha i was there. I saw that.. i have some all time favorites from years past.. and they all have to do with Carlos Ruiz.

    last night he said he would be a “buuu”

  26. will.H says:

    oh and Jimmy wants to be an eagle.. and his reasons were pretty funny

  27. wheels' hairpiece says:

    “the lowrises”, nice. seriously though, I’m more excited about theFightins being back up than Roy Oswalt. One thing to never worry about is other sites jacking your posters, they’re filled with andy rooney stat or die blowhard argue because I have to fill my life with something fart sniffers.

    I saw Lisa Lisa after a 76ers game when I was a kid, nice nice…

  28. crazy4swayze says:

    i was watching the interview with RAJ on DNL. anyone else think he’s looking a lil bloated? not necessarily fat, but alcohol fat? this whole GM thing might’ve put him on the bottle.

    sharp plaid blazer though. maybe he’s going to a mighty mighty bosstones show later.

  29. Stickaforkin'em says:

    @Jdashdog: LMAO on Geiger’s vid…here’s hoping Meech doesn’t wear a pair of hot white shorts, too!

  30. stickaforkin'em says:

    @Jdashdog: LMAO at Geiger’s vid…can’t wait to see Meech’s tribute to the Domonator…hopefully he doesn’t wear a pair of white short shorts tho…no one wants to see that!

  31. maria says:

    will.h, I think he once said that his final meal would be rice and beans. Last night, I have no idea what he said, but that seems to be part of his charm.

  32. Dubee Dubee Du says:

    I was hoping for an update during the bandwidth exile, being all unionized with ZWR and all. Kept checkin in at the ZWR bolg for some info but all I got was some poetic Ibanez post and a few pix of teeshirts. Jumped over to 700 level cause I used to have tickets up there and the gang up there usually got something to say about everything, but no luck there either. Went to some beerplace cause I like beer but it was like going into an oldtimers bar. With a bunch of bitching and name calling going back and forth across the bar. All that was missing was the smell of piss and puke in the restroom. Finally ended up going cold turkey, totally blogless and even cut down checking for a Fightens fix to only once an hour. Even considered doing Blog Commenters Anonymous, but figured that with a name like Dubee Dubee Du it would be redundant. Glad to have you back where you belong, in my favorites between Family Guy Quips and Quotes and Finnish Amputee Mailorder Brides.

  33. 85 says:

    Yeah there’s no comparing to The Fightins for BSing during a game. Don’t need an advanced degree in statistics and hot air, don’t get the “LoL i lyk da Philz” nonsense, just funny and fun. Don’t ever leave us again.

  34. Dubee Dubee Du says:

    The one constructive thing I did manage to do was get those damn awful WB Mason commercials removed for the old school just marginally awful commercials. I apologize for my Fightins misspelling above but it’s going to take me some time to get my two typing fingers back in shape.

  35. Dubee Dubee Du says:

    You know who would have believed back when Milt got fired that in one week’s time the Phillies would be looking at making up 4.5 games on the Braves behind the hot bats of Raul and Werth and we’d be looking forward to Roy Oswalt starting for them tomorrow in DC. Go figure.

  36. Greenman! says:

    That girl that caught Raul’s home run should have vomited on someone or gotten tazed. She’s really letting the national media down.

  37. PhillyPhanInChi says:

    @ DDD- I was thinking that this afternoon when I woke up….

  38. PhillyPhanInChi says:

    @ Greenman- I almost talked the wife into grabbing the kid, hopping into the car and driving out to DC tonight to make the game tomorrow. Unfortunately we’re taking the trek to go to the shore next weekend and I don’t want to drive for 40+ hours in 3 weeks.

  39. maria says:

    What’s the fucking point of going to a game if your going to bring your laptop?

  40. Greenman! says:

    maybe that was one the of the fightins doing a blog update right now

  41. 85 says:

    Valdez excels at all things double play.

  42. Bozo says:

    BBBBHP in case you guys didn’t notice.

    Hell of a DP by Polanco-Valdez-Howard.

  43. Dubee Dubee Du says:

    @ Greenman- can’t be a Fightins’ blogger cause I didn’t see the required beer in hand.

    @ Maria- how else do you get your porn at the game?

    @ PPIC- What are you crazy? that ocean ain’t going anywhere! Man up boy, pack that bag kiss the wife and kid and tell’em see you later i got me some Oswaldin’ to do.

  44. stickaforkin'em says:

    damn, it’s so quiet in here tonight…guess word has not spread to all the Fightins faithful that the site is back up after a week!

  45. stickaforkin'em says:

    nice madson…of course, this still means we’re looking at lidge coming in.

  46. Dubee Dubee Du says:

    Okay RAJ gets to see whether he has more work to do or can Lidge settle in and get it done? I’m hoping for Lidge cause I like the dude but then I like hellfire hotwings too and they get my stomach turning also.

  47. stickaforkin'em says:

    whew…madson and jc…i feel a little better.

  48. will.H says:


    rice n’ beans is one of my favorites. also, his “bucket list” last thing he’d ever do befor he died would be “ride e bull.” He’s the cutest man of all time.

    last night he said he’d be a bull if he was any animal. haha, a bull who likes ice cream.. who knew?

  49. stickaforkin'em says:

    damn…not so much now.

  50. maria says:

    You all wish Brad Lidge was closing now, don’t you? Maybe not, but I definitely would have had start the 9th.

    A bull, that’s not like him at all. He’s so cute and cuddly.

  51. PhillyPhanInChi says:

    You’ve got to be kidding me.

  52. begbie says:

    can that woman in the front row PLEASE STFU!?!?

  53. stickaforkin'em says:

    Sit the F down Parra!

  54. stickaforkin'em says:

    Would be nice if JDub went yard here…he needs another HR to get that swagger back.

  55. Greenman! says:

    I’m hoping this game ends soon so I can watch the new Jersey Shore, The Situation Yo!

  56. will.H says:

    you just want to open mouth kiss his mole

  57. maria says:

    If he let me…

  58. Greenman! says:

    someone please get a screen grab of Chooch in the Top Gun outfit

  59. Greenman! says:


  60. stickaforkin'em says:

    woohoo! nice exxon valdez

  61. stickaforkin'em says:

    Where’s Braves2010NLChamps when we need him…oh, i guess he’s hearing the Fightins footsteps

  62. crazy4swayze says:

    man, cody might’ve been out if that throw doesn’t hit the mound.

    great game. oswalt, heavy b, cole, no strassburg…the weekend is looking good. i’ll be in DC saturday night. damustang1holla atcha boy!

  63. Dubee Dubee Du says:

    Phillies needed to win this one tonight. Didn’t want them to let the Braves off the hook, especially after the Oswalt trade has them looking over their shoulder.

    Nice job by KK again. When he’s on he’s better than a #5, and to paraphrase what Doc has said every pitcher can figure to have 5 great games and 5 shit games it’s what he does in the other 20 games that make or break him.”

  64. Greenman! says:

    I’m looking for and 11 game win streak and first place on Monday, sorry Mooseballs

  65. PhillyPhanInChi says:

    The one thing that blows my mind that is that we don’t have to face Strausberg (DL), No Livan (rotation), No Capps (traded to twins) and more than likely no Dunn Either. Then the following series we don’t have to face Cantu and who knows who else the Marlins will sell off. Being in first by next week is a possibility for sure.

    But really all I want is to be in first place when the season ends in Atlanta….how sweet that would be…

  66. Bozo says:

    Valdez ftw! I will admit that I was hoping he wouldn’t hit into a double play.

  67. The Lone Filafel says:

    I’m so glad the Fightins are back. Where else does Easkin proclaim his cock eating proclivities on a regular basis?

  68. dipset says:

    Oh Snap- Thunderbird Motel making an appearance!!!

  69. JohnMatrix says:

    these posts are hard to follow.

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