The Fightins'
A formal introduction: I want to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay
Posted by ZWR at 1:42 pm ET 57 Comments here.  Unless you’ve been deprived of internet connection for the past, oh I don’t know, five months or so, I’m sure the #1 most visited site in your browser’s history is I want to go the the zoo with Roy Halladay.  The site’s founder, and wanter of going to the zoo with Roy (we’ll call him ZWR), has become a national phenomenon over the past few months because of his extraordinary MS Paint skillz, animal-friendly content, child-like enthusiasm, and fashionable t-shirts.   He’s even the artist behind Philadelphia Eagles TE Brent Celek’s Twitter background page!  It seems everybody wants to know ZWR nowadays. Well, I asked him if he would answer a few questions about himself, his Phillies fandom, and his fondness for zoos.  He obliged. 


First Phillies conundrum that I can remember
In the summers, when I was very young, a different string band would play every Tuesday night in the Mummers Museum parking lot- which was also our two hand touch football field and around the block from my house. Everyone in the neighborhood would go, and it was particularly fun when one of the better (or more popular/local) bands would perform. Advance to a night on which the biggest was scheduled… and add to it the inherent excitement of the things that make our childhood summers special in recollect: perfect weather, the smell of charcoal burning, the sing-song melodies of Mister Softee trucks. All of it there in a flawed but familial grid of rowhomes. Only the Phillies were playing the Astros, I was wearing my powder blue jersey, Houston had the Astrodome, and my stepfather was staying home to watch the game. I literally paced my small side street for hours, imagining in my head, and I recall this as clearly as my last thought, precisely: Juan Samuel in the batter’s box with Harry Kalas introducing him… then decided to stay home with him. He had worked a long day, and we could hear the Mummers next Tuesday. I don’t remember what happened in the game, if we won or lost, but that really didn’t matter. I don’t even remember Harry Kalas introducing Juan Samuel. Much as the results are important to us, sharing in the game- from those earliest moments on- is what resonates. If being honest I’ll admit that there are moments I’m not in favor of having to rely on memories, though it’s the others in which felt alone you no longer feel as much you realize their value.

Catch – Milt Thompson, v. San Diego Padres 1993
Hit – Pedro Feliz, v. Tampa, 2008 World Series Game Five
Vet Food – Helmet Sundae

How I’d imagine a novel about ZWR would start (only better)
If one were to tell him, as a child, that upon adulthood he would happen upon an idea so simple, yet anchored in no realm of normalcy, he would have smiled a moment or so and then moved on as if there were nothing further to be done of it. For we’re blessed in our youth with the indiscernible (and woefully short-lived as such) ability to find and carry out our expressions and experiences of joy. But as our present selves grown, it is the fleetingness that prevails. And so he there, with a sip, a nod- if onward into stupidity to tread, no merit of note to speak of- decided to tell of his wish to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay.

Why the zoo?
Zoos combine the more refined offerings of fun found in places such as carnivals or amusement piers (specifically: funnel cake) with the less pretentious educational aspects of those more intellectually stimulating- like museums. And penguins live there in the Northern Hemisphere.


57 Responses to “A formal introduction: I want to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay”

  1. Helmet Sundae! Great choice!

  2. Jocksniffer says:

    I want to go to the zoo with I want to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay!

  3. Jdashdog says:

    ZWR, where do you get your weed?

  4. maxL says:

    Kudos and Kudus to you ZWR.

  5. Morandini Turned Three says:

    Those better be jimmies on your helmet sundae and not sprinkles. I hate it when they call em sprinkles.

  6. Jdashdog says:

    Yeah sprinkles are those tiny round shits. Jimmies are the good stuff.

  7. Respect the helmet sundae, but nothing beats Hatfield Dollar Dogs.

  8. GTO says:

    I wonder if ZWR speaks like an Oxford thesaurus in real life. Fun read though.

  9. crazy4swayze says:

    the thing that’s so impressive about going to the zoo with roy halladay is the intensity he brings to the experience. he’s there at 5am before many of the animals are even awake, much less frolicking. his thirst for knowledge when it comes to animals and animal behavior can’t be quenched. when he’s not at the zoo he’s watching animal planet and breaking down nature films. before most other ballplayers even get to the zoo, he’s already done a lap around and has stopped in the petting zoo and the wallaby walkabout.

  10. loctastic says:

    building on what crazy4swazye just said, ZWR is truly the Roy Halladay of websites that are devoted to going to the zoo with Roy Halladay.

  11. Steve Jeltz says:

    God that was beautiful!

    “All of it there in a flawed but familial grid of rowhomes”

    He’s like a cross between Meech and Walt Whitman

  12. OutlawPete says:

    Phillies Phever! Now taking nominations for the first ever “Moron of the Year Award”

    oh and ZWR is great!

  13. DoubleD says:

    I like any site where Pokey is getting ass play from a polar bear.

  14. theKrisheim says:

    can not wait for the transition to PRINT SHOP for the postseason

  15. Lynniemac says:

    I, also, want to go to the zoo with ZWR.

  16. Roy Halladay's Cutter says:

    Huge fan of ZWR, almost like a father figure to me.

  17. maxL says:

    That’s all right Deitch, no one wants you there anyway.

  18. says:

    haha, yo max, Deitch said he *liked* it.

  19. Colin_K says:

    ZWR is like that time you find $20 in your pocket…don’t know how it got there, but cot damn you are happy you found it!

  20. maxL says:

    Wow, I suck at literacy. Oops.

  21. 85 says:

    Roy Halladay went to the zoo once.

    He threw a complete game, striking out eight.

  22. Cole Handsome says:

    Who would like to go to the day spa with Cole Hamels?

  23. maria says:

    I had a dream I met Roy Halladay. I told him about ZWR and asked him the chances he’d actually go to the zoo with him and he said zero. I’m share that’s not how he feels in really life.

  24. Fat Joe Blanton says:

    Who wants to go to KFC with Joe Blanton?

  25. Crane Kick says:

    Vet stadium had some sick fried chicken there for a bit.

    Also, ZWR made my twitter background. It’s pretty amazing.

  26. Jamie Moyer says:

    Who wants to go to the General Store with Jamie Moyer?

  27. Chooch agrees says:

    Hola, vendejos.

    el Eff es el hombre. no lo comprenden…. maricones.

    EFF DAT.

  28. Anthony LaRussa Esq. says:

    Who wants to go to the Mensa meeting with me?…..Too bad none of you are smart enough. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  29. Swift says:

    Those sundaes were good, but the food item I’ll never forget from the Vet, was the terribly bad Phillies Franks they used to sell. I actually kind of miss those things, but then I remember how good the dogs at CBP are, and come to my senses.

  30. Burgoyne it all says:

    Who wants to go to the Washie-washie will ‘ol Tom after the ballgame tonight? Joe’s gonna bring a bucket of Original Recipe and I’ll bring the big green hairshirt that you crazy kids know and love. Those tiny fisted chics really dig their “big green Daddy.”

  31. the EFF THAT guy says:

    Thanx, Choocher. Great tag the other night.

    I think you’re cruisin’ for the ASG. If that crazy Molina vendejo gets voted well then….


  32. Eric says:

    I guy using MS Paint to make nonsense Phillies-related drawings has more insight than 90% of you.

  33. WWE says:

    I want to go to the woodchipper with Eric’s unconscious body

  34. Sarge says:


  35. Pat says:


    That may be my favorite comment of all time. I think we can all agree on that.

  36. I want to go to a dog show with Chase Utley.

  37. TonyIsDynamic says:

    I want to go to the hardware store with Ugeth Urbina.

  38. Joe Pa says:

    I love both sites. But honest to God I cannot stop saying that “I WANT TO GO TO THE ZOO WITH ROY HALLADAY” it just comes out so smooth.

  39. Calling U out says:

    Pat, I’m surprised that you didn’t get a “hungry to please” orgy of thumbs up for such a trite comment, poignant as it was.

    everyone including eric can liketh my balls.

  40. Suz says:

    I want to go to the zoo with Jamie Moyer.

  41. maria says:

    Ha Suz! I went to go with Jamie Moyer to pick out a retirement home.

  42. Jayson's beard says:

    I want Curt Schilling to take me to one of those Yo Moma shows.

  43. Pat says:

    I guess I’m hungry to please in the sense that I would gladly throw eric’s body in a woodchipper

  44. I want to go to a black neighborhood with Jim Eisenreich.

  45. bad idea says:

    take me to A.C. with the one and only Nails Dykstra.

  46. Kyle Kendrick says:

    Who wants to go to Allentown with Kyle Kendrick?

  47. Well, I can’t do anything about wantin’ to go to the zoo, but if you wanna sit and shoot the breeze with Roy Holiday inside of a hotcake restaurant, come to Johnny Hotcakes’ on Tuesdays and Thursdays, 5:45 AM, while the Philadelphias are on a homestand. Seems like ever since Ray came here, he’s made banana hotcakes, with an extra banana on the side, plus a cup of tea, a regular part of his daily habits. And you all know how that boy is with his routine. And I’ll say this much, too: he loves hotcakes darn near as much as loves pitching that old baseball!

  48. spacecoyote says:

    I hope my profanity doesn’t offend you too greatly, Mr. Hotcakes, but I think you’re fucking dreamy.

  49. On the contrary, spacecoyote. I myself don’t like to use the swear words, but your compliment makes me blush redder than some strawberry syrup on a fresh right off the griddle hotcake!

  50. ZOMG, Fightins just got So ZWR’d

    Also, this gave me chills:

    “Much as the results are important to us, sharing in the game- from those earliest moments on- is what resonates.”

    ZWR is the poet laureate of Phillies blogosphere.

  51. Beer-a-Thon says:

    I just don’t get it. What’s so funny?

  52. Dikembe Mutombo says:


  53. José Canseco says:

    I want to go to the gym with José Canseco.

  54. RodeoJones says:

    I want to go to Baskin-Robbins with Chooch?

  55. Lenny Dykstra Financial Whiz Kid says:


  56. Superb guide, well crafted I must say.

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