Are you interested in seeing the most depressing before and after pic you will see in your entire life?

On the left is Pat The Bat, left-fielder for the Philadelphia Phillies, leading the World Series parade while being pulled by eight Budweiser Clydesdales down Broad St. accompanied by his lovely wife Michelle and dog Elvis.

On the right?  Pat Burrell, designated hitter for the Tampa Bay Rays, in the middle of the pack of the “Welcome to Charlotte County” parade while being driven in a Pontiac convertible along Taylor Street all by his lonesome.

Go ahead and click on the picture for a larger version, sick-o.

‘08 Burrell/Flickr | ‘09 Burrell/St. Petersburg Times

It seems as though Pat Burrell is having just as hard a time adjusting to life as a Ray as we are (I am?) adjusting to Phillies baseball without him.

Courtesy of The Tampa Tribune, a despondent Bat laments:

“It’s strange,” Burrell admitted this morning on his second day in the Tampa Bay Rays’ camp. “The thing I keep thinking about is, when you’ve been in a place like I was for a long time, you have a hard time turning the page and accepting some of the new things. It’s going to be an adjustment period for me, but these guys have made it very easy for me as far as making me feel welcome and stuff like that.”

Ex-Phillie Burrell Adjusting To Rays, New DH Role | The Tampa Tribune (via Rays Index)
Photo by Cliff McBride/Tribune

If these two league championship series run their respective natural courses, it will mean that for the third time in five years a team from Tampa Bay (sorry, Andy!) will face a team from Philly en route to a sports title. If you recall the last two times this happened (NFC Championship, 2003; NHL Eastern Conference Championship, 2004), then you might remember it didn’t end well for us.

Should the Rays make the Series and defeat the (for the purposes of avoiding a jinx I’ll just write, “your 2008 National League Champions”), Tampa Bay’s (sorry, Andy!) third and newest sports franchise will have won its third different sports title since 2003, thus completing the Expansion Trifecta. Meanwhile, our fair city — the one with four teams — would remain title-free since ‘83. (God damn it, that rhymes. Run with it, haters!)

A city that didn’t even have a baseball or hockey team in ‘83, or a football team until 1976, is on the verge of perpetuating our misery. A just and loving God would never let this happen. Of course, He did let the Marlins win it all twice and the Diamondbacks once, so the old bastard does have a sense of humor, doesn’t He?

Needless to say, should Tampa Bay (sorry, Andy!) once again sidestep Philly on its way to immortality, I will finally snap and embark upon a killing spree in three states, which I have chosen at random. Hey, Montana, Wisconsin and Texas? Consider yourselves on notice.

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