I’d like to thank Meech, once again (or for the first time) for his invitation for me to blog with him and Chamo. And the general public should thank him as well, as a sober ‘Tard can release anger via blog rather than swing at customers at Boscov’s Moorestown. I must tell you first hand, nothing is scarier than having a retail-related dream. Fuck, I can’t wait to be back at school and getting back those semi-conscious-dream-hallucinations.

So let’s all forget our shit jobs for a moment, and our shit wages, dodge the biledriver and crank up the GWAR, and bitch about millionaires.

This Saturday (1/17/20 ATB*) at the BC Sports in the Moorestown Mall from 3:00 to 4:30 PM, your right fielder Jayson Werth will be signing autographs at the mall (talk about a good pussy gig!). Well, notsomuch signing autographs as he’ll be requesting you give him and BC Sports Collectibles $49 to sign a baeball or photo, and $69 for bats, jerseys, or other equipment. I’m not sure if other equipment means a big poster that says ‘Fuck you for charging me for your fucking autograph’, but it should. Oh, and no photos.

Now, we’d all like to meet Jayson Werth. You’d shake more than Jett Travolta in his presence (first dead kid joke!). But $49 minimum? For Jayson Werth?!? I love the vag beard as much a the next guy, but come on… The only way I’m paying forty-nine bills for someone to sign my balls is if it was Kate from Kate’s Playground. And by balls, I mean ‘testes’. And by sign I mean ‘put them in her mouth’. And by paying I mean ‘an exchange of greenbacks for goods of services’.

Please, even prostitutes don’t charge that much for a greeting. Just ask David Wright’s father.

So fuck autograph sessions. Fuck someone charging you so they can scribble a Sharpie on your faggy Lithograph (”but I paid $900 dollars and there’s only 15 ever made!” Yeah, and you’re dumbass douche #15). Fuck Jayson Werth and BC Sports Collectibles. Fuck Lithographs. Fuck ‘no photos’. Fuck the Mets. And fuck the hundreds of dollars autograph seekers spend that could be spent on more important things like cheap booze or a noose once thy realize they bought some faggy Lithograph.

Ass after the jump, from the true future Mrs. HDYSR?:

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