By now everyone has heard about the altercation between Phillies reliever J.C. Romero and Rays “fan” Robert Eaton after a game in Tampa Bay last Thursday. Eaton made some snide comments about steroids and got what any loudmouth drunk prick has coming to him.

I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. I’m just saying that some people don’t know when to shut up, and others are quick to grab people that don’t know how to shut up by their throats and choke a bitch. Sometimes these two kinds of people meet…

Enough with the opinions. As a superjournalist with superjournalistic powers such as superjournalistic integrity I must try only to report the facts. And it just so happens that I have nothing but facts to present today. Through my contacts and network of other superjournalists, I managed to procure a leaked copy of Robert Eaton’s 911 call to the St. Petersburg PD.

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