Phillies slugging left fielder Raul Ibañez arrived at Citizens Bank Park Friday night in the loudest, ugliest Ed Hardy t-shirt in the history of loud, ugly Ed Hardy t-shirts. And that, my friends, is not an easy feat:

I mean, I like tigers as much as the next guy (wait… what?), but must you put a giant horribly-drawn tiger face on a lime green t-shirt with snakes in the backround? And if you did, what on earth would possess someone to not only purchase, but wear said shirt? Next time Jim Salisbury is looking to annoy Raul with an accusation from a blogger, perhaps he should inquire about his shiteous choice of shirt.

The only thing that could possibly make that tee uglier is if they put that same arrogant print on the back of it…

Oh fuck. You’ve got to be kidding me.

I hope they locked him out of the clubhouse until he agreed to change.

¡Que chupe, Mets!

Audio courtesy of WUBA 1480 AM, Danny Martinez with the call

Remember this afternoon when I said I was done talking about this unnecessary steroid melodrama concerning Raul Ibañez?  Well, technically, I was being honest.  *I’m* done discussing it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t post the reaction of our great manager, Charlie Manuel.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Charlie Manuel is a cot damn wordsmith.

I’m sure Raul’s upset about it.  I think whenever you make some kind of acquisition [sic] and definitely when it comes public like that, I think that someone should have to prove it.  And ya know like, and uhhh, I think that he invades your rights.  And I think that that’s, uhhhh, ya know like I think that that’s against the law if you wanna know the truth.  So that’s all I gotta say.

You hear that bloggers?  When you’re sitting in your mother’s basement forcing yourself to come up with some lame topic to write about — THINK before making some false acquisitions.  Because if you go around just tossing out acquisitions whenever you damn well please, someone who writes for a popular newspaper might take that acquisition, highlight it, and make you the laughingstock of the internet for a day.

Thanks, Charlie.  Now tell ‘em yourself:

Can’t get enough of this Raul Ibañez steroid speculation shit?  Good, settle in.

First of all, let me say that this JRod fella from Midwest Sports Fans issued an apology of sorts this morning on his blog.  After reading it the first time, I kind of felt bad for the guy.  Kind of.  In it, he states:

I’ll accept some level of accountability and offer a sincere apology to Raul Ibanez for advancing a public debate that, in his specific case, is very likely unfair and perhaps even unnecessary.

But then comes the “however” part.

However [Ed. Note: told you], I’m not accepting complete blame and accountability for being the person who started this. I just tried to do my homework and write a cogent response to speculation I had heard from other sources, and to comment on what I considered to be a thought-provoking and engaging topic that was already being discussed publicly and privately. The post did not even receive much pub or traffic until it was mentioned in the Philadelphia Inquirer yesterday, but based on the response and the comments the post has received, it seems to me to have proven to be both thought-provoking and engaging.

And that, to me, is what the blogosphere is about.

They key word in that paragraph is “tried”.  Yes, you tried to do your homework, JRod.  You tried to write a cogent response to speculation that you heard from other sources.  (btw, who are these “sources”?  Your fantasy baseball friend?)  But when you found ZERO evidence of these performance enhancers, you should’ve stricken all of that steroid talk from your article.  It’s in the HEADLINE for chrissakes.  The article could’ve been easily written to find out which factors are contributing to Ibanez’s hot play of late.  In it, you could’ve used your park factors, pitching matchups, new lineup — all that shit.  But the fact of the matter is you used that info to try and find out if Raul is on steroids.  And that, my friend, is irresponsible.

Listen, if you wanna accuse Ibañez of taking steroids on a message board with your fantasy buddies, or at a bar with your friends, go right ahead.  But the minute you publish it on a website where you claim to be a professional writer, you are held accountable.  And whether or not you think John Gonzalez of the Inquirer should have highlighted your article is now a moot point — he did.  So you can’t play the “I did not consider the potential fallout from the article” side of it.  Because as a professional writer who even HINTS at a player using steroids without any facts is not only irresponsible, but borderline libel.

Also buried towards the end of this lengthy semi-apology is an interesting statement:

Plus, I’ve found more statistical evidence since I wrote my article that further explains why Ibanez might be off to such a great start. This article shows how much better Ibanez is hitting with men on base, a situation he finds himself in more often with Philly than he did with Seattle.

Was that information unavailable at the time you published your original article?  Because one would think that if you are suggesting someone could perhaps be on the juice, you would do as much research as humanly possible to either prove or debunk your thesis.

Had I considered [this] when writing my article, its speculative nature probably would have been a bit less…although, admittedly, not completely removed.

So even if you had this extra information at your disposal when writing the original post, you still would’ve tossed in the steroid speculation?  GRRRRRRRR.

For fuck’s sake, AJ Daulerio — A BLOGGER — had PROOF that Manny Ramirez was on steroids before the 50-game suspension came down on him.  If he was ONE-QUARTER as irresponsible as JRod was, he would’ve leaked the information, which in turn, would’ve made Deadspin a household name.  Instead, he decided to err on the side of caution, do some more research, and wound up getting shot down by some lawyers.  All JRod had was some park dimension bullshit and 50-some-odd games worth of statistics.

It just seems like people are pointing the finger at everyone from John Gonzalez, to Jim Salisbury, to Raul Ibañez himself — when in reality, it’s all JRod’s fault.

The end.  Seriously.  I’m done talking about this shit.

A couple of days ago, some blogger named JRod who writes for a website called Midwest Sports Fans penned an article titled “The Curious Case of Raul Ibañez: Steroid Speculation Perhaps Unfair, but Great Start in 2009 Raising Eyebrows.” I’ll spare you the link, if you really feel the need to read it (I wouldn’t recommend it), I’m sure there are ways you can go about doing so. Basically, this JRod fella got an e-mail from his fantasy baseball friend who accused RAAAAUUUUUUULLL! of being the juice, so he decided to do some half-assed research to test this theory. It’s a clinic in lazy blogging, something I thought *I* perfected, but the point of my laziness has always been to get a cheap laugh out of the reading audience, NOT to baselessly accuse one of the hottest hitters in baseball of taking steroids.

Yesterday, the Inquirer’s John Gonzalez took JRod to school on this matter.

Then last night, after crushing his 20th homer of the year off of Johan Santana, Ibañez — rightfully so — took exception to this blogger’s claim:

“You can have my urine, my hair, my blood, my stool [Ed. Note: also known as "poop"] – anything you can test,” Ibanez said. “I’ll give you back every dime I’ve ever made” if the test is positive.

You hear that, JRod?  Raul Ibañez just offered up his bodily fluids to prove your dumbass article wrong.

But he wasn’t done there:

“I’ll put that up against the jobs of anyone who writes this stuff,” he said. “Make them accountable. There should be more credibility than some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother’s basement. It demeans everything you’ve done with one stroke of the pen.”

Oh snap, son!  Raul just played the mother’s basement card on your lazy ass.  BUUURRRNN!

“It’s unfair because this story should be about how hard work, determination, and desire trumps chemicals and shortcuts,” he said. “That should be the message: desire, character, work ethic. But some guy who doesn’t know me – one idiot – says something like this. They should be held accountable. It’s cowardly.”

You must be awfully proud of yourself, JRod.  At the time, it probably seemed like a good idea to accuse a guy of taking steroids after receiving an e-mail from your fantasy league buddy.  Now, thanks to some handy work by John Gonzalez, you must face the WRATH of Ibañez.  And trust me pal, it ain’t nothing nice.

I think the lesson here is: sometimes, you’re better off keeping your dumb opinions to yourself.  If you are writing a post which questions the fact whether or not someone is taking steroids, and the best you can do is compare ballpark dimensions, park factors, and quote an e-mail from your moronic friend — I think it’s best left unpublished.

Ughck.  Sometimes, I fucking hate bloggers.

I’m clean, angry Ibañez says | Inquirer

In case you haven’t noticed, I love it when our t-shirts show up on TV. Here’s an e-mail from a Phillies fan and Bridland x The Fightins supporter who got on CSN after Raul Ibanez hit his second homer of the first game.

I along with what seemed like rest of Philadelphia was at the games yesterday. Knowing I was going to be sitting in left field behind Raul in the second row, I made sure to wear my RAAAUULLL shirt to the game in hopes of him and maybe comast seeing it. After his second homer in the 3rd we gave him some cheers on his was back out to LF and many of my friends told me you could see the shirt on the broadcast. Raul loved the shirt and actually gave a hat tip after seeing it. I had people asking me all day where I got it so hopefully you guys will see some extra sales out of it.  Enjoy and keep up the good work!!

Bryan from Reading.

He ain’t lie:

Purchase your very own Raul t-shirt RIGHT HERE.

I obviously don’t remember the debut month of every Phillies player in the history of the franchise, but I can’t imagine any being better than the April of one Raul Ibañez.

His defense — which was his main knock coming into town — has been highly sufficient, but it’s that bat of his that has everyone trying to remember who was out in left last season. Here’s the footage of perhaps his biggest (second biggest?) hit thus far with the requisite Wayne & Garth treatment from the Pat Burrell converts:

In the third inning of yesterday’s fake game against the Cardinals, Skip Schumaker hit a shot through the hole on the left side of the infield for what should have been a base hit. That is, until Raul squatted down to try and field it cleanly and let the ball go right through his five-hole and roll to the wall, thus allowing Skip to reach second base easily.

Behold the .gif:

It really takes a special breed of defender to let that ball zoom past you without even slowing it down.

RAUL!

Former GM and current advisor to the Phils, Pat Gillick, held court this afternoon at Bright House Field in Clearwater to address some of the Phillies offseason moves thus far.  The one opinion I was interested in hearing about was his take on the swapping of Pat Burrell for Raul Ibanez.

First, Pat was asked if he, personally, pushed for the signing of Rah-oooul:

“Yeah, I did. He fits in our clubhouse. He’s a very positive guy in the clubhouse. He’s probably going to hit for more power in our ballpark than he hit in Seattle. Fundamentally, he’s a very sound player that makes very few mistakes. And he’s a hard worker, maybe to the point where he wants to be perfectionist. He brings a very, very positive approach to the clubhouse. I think he’s going to do well here.”

I can dig that, I certainly won’t question Mr. Gillick’s ability to form a balanced baseball squad.  But now it’s time for the more important question — did the Phillies put any effort whatsoever in re-signing The Bat?

“We tried during the season to really bring Pat back. I think they had a little more grandeur than we did. We would have brought Pat back, but I think their thinking at that time was a little different than it actually ended up (two-year, $16 million with Tampa Bay). I think their expectation level was a little higher. … We were in different areas. … They were looking for a longer deal than we wanted to do. The length was more of the problem.“

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

(Quotes provided by the resurrected Zo Zone)

…meet Raul Ibañez.

Thanks to the folks at Lookout Landing, we have proof of Raul’s fielding skills in animated .GIF form:

• OBSERVE as Raul masterfully plays the angles!

• BEHOLD his diving catch artistry!

• BEAR WITNESS to his cannon-like arm!

• STAND IN AWE as he sets up to rob a home run!

(Bullet-pointed bold-faced stylee ripped directly from the brilliant Walkoff Walk)

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