If these two league championship series run their respective natural courses, it will mean that for the third time in five years a team from Tampa Bay (sorry, Andy!) will face a team from Philly en route to a sports title. If you recall the last two times this happened (NFC Championship, 2003; NHL Eastern Conference Championship, 2004), then you might remember it didn’t end well for us.

Should the Rays make the Series and defeat the (for the purposes of avoiding a jinx I’ll just write, “your 2008 National League Champions”), Tampa Bay’s (sorry, Andy!) third and newest sports franchise will have won its third different sports title since 2003, thus completing the Expansion Trifecta. Meanwhile, our fair city — the one with four teams — would remain title-free since ‘83. (God damn it, that rhymes. Run with it, haters!)

A city that didn’t even have a baseball or hockey team in ‘83, or a football team until 1976, is on the verge of perpetuating our misery. A just and loving God would never let this happen. Of course, He did let the Marlins win it all twice and the Diamondbacks once, so the old bastard does have a sense of humor, doesn’t He?

Needless to say, should Tampa Bay (sorry, Andy!) once again sidestep Philly on its way to immortality, I will finally snap and embark upon a killing spree in three states, which I have chosen at random. Hey, Montana, Wisconsin and Texas? Consider yourselves on notice.

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