Hi there, observant reader! Those familiar with my inane, angry, psychotic ramblings insightful posts are accustomed to my personal brand of “you stupid fucking moron, that’s the stupidest fucking idea I’ve ever heard” and “[Howdy S. Thompson]’s opinion is the correct one, ya ‘ol coozbag”.

Some thought Ryan Madson would fill in as a closer admirably. Some didn’t. Inquiries were made about a washed-up fatty. They were beautifully untrue. Advice to not sign a washed up midget lover was ignored. A self-centered blogger used his own post to highlight his previous posts.

In regards to the recent stupid idea, ESPN (that network with the naked chick reporter and those enema-brained anchors) proposed a truly fucking stupid fucking idea. Let the literary colonic begin:

Brett Myers, eyeing a sooner-than-expected recovery from hip surgery, might return to the Philadelphia Phillies as a reliever rather than as a starter.

The benefits could be twofold: Myers would be able to return more quickly as a reliever than as a starter, while the Phillies’ injury-depleted bullpen could get some much-needed relief.

The benefits could also, and more likely be, shitfold. I doubt Myers, a guy who was known for most of his career as being a lazy fatty, is the type to quickly get in shape. Yes, he has made an effort to lose weight in recent seasons, but I imagine he has spent the past couple of months eating Fritos and drinking adult beverages. And we all know how Myers has performed as a closer. So moving him to the bullpen (AND SETTING HIM UP FOR FAILURE LIKE THEY DID FOR MAD DOG!) will worsen an already ravaged bullpen. Myers opinion:

“I just felt like for me to get back quicker, it would have to be out of the bullpen,” he said, according to the Philadelphia Daily News.”

Fuck and no. You know what starters normally do? They pitch a couple of AA games, let up some runs, say “who gives a fuck about the minor league team’s wins and losses?”, and don’t fuck up an already fucked up bullpen as conditioning practice.

Fuck yo logic, ESPN and Brett! Pitch some AA games. Tell Ruben to pull an Ed Wade and trade for some relievers. We can’t have you giving up routine dingers in the late innings. Lake Bell’s titties after the jump (from above!):

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