Before Pat Burrell was a #1 draft pick for the Phillies back in the ‘98 amateur draft, he was breaking records and winning Golden Spikes and College World Series MVP awards for the University of Miami. Then in 2008, 10 years after his college career ended, Pat was honored for his collegiate efforts by being inducted into the prestigious sports hall of fame located down there in Coral Gables, Florida. 

So why am I bringing all this up now?  I’m glad you asked.

The fine folks who man the umsportshalloffame YouTube account have been tirelessly uploading various intro videos and induction speeches from years past.  Lucky for us, one of the players they just added was Pat Burrell.

First up is his introduction video, and after the jump you can check out his speech.  I have to warn you though, the University of Miami’s sound engineers didn’t too such a good job with the volume, so you’ll more than likely have to turn it all the way up then place your ear to the speakers. 

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Pat Burrell’s prized English Bulldog, Elvis, wasn’t around back in April when his father came to Citizens Bank Park to collect his jewelry for winning the 2008 World Series. So yesterday, prior to the final game of the series vs. Pat’s new team, Phillies director of team travel Frank Coppenbarger awarded Elvis with his very own 2008 World Series ring. Well, it’s not really a “ring”, because dogs don’t have fingers, silly! Rather, it’s the top half of the ring lopped off and glued onto a sterling silver plate that they got engraved at the Things Remembered kiosk in the mall, and it’s easily the coolest damn dog collar accessory in the history of dog collar accessories.

Behold:

After the jump, watch as Elvis is presented with his 2008 World Series medallion:

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If you’re gonna go through the trouble of drawing up a sign for your favorite player on poster board, and then take that sign to the game in hopes of getting on TV, wouldn’t you at least make sure you spelled that player’s name correctly? Or double-check to make sure the uniform number you’re putting on there is right?

Well meet this woman, who didn’t bother with either of those things:

Hey lady, there are two L’s in Burrell. And he hasn’t worn ‘33′ on his jersey since his rookie year with the Phillies back in 2000. I have no idea what the rest of that horrible sign says, but I guarantee you there are at least three more grammatical errors.

Do yourself a favor and STAY AWAY FROM THE POSTER BOARD, LADY.

As the Phillies get set to begin another interleague series tonight against our old pal Pat Burrell and the Tampa Bay Rays, I figured now was as good a time as any to get a bit nostalgic and reminisce a bit on his nine years spent here in Philly.  (meech fun fact o’ the day: The Phillies won THREE regular season games against the AL in 2008, have won THREE so far in 2009, but won FOUR when it counted, in the 2008 World Series.)  So with the help of our buddy beelove from Philly Skyline, The Fightins dot com are proud to bring you the most comprehensive Pat Burrell photo gallery in the known universe.

After the jump, 175+ pictures from the Pat Burrell era in Philadelphia. Enjoy.

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If you had any question whatsoever as to why it was so hard for me to emotionally accept the fact that Pat Burrell is no longer a member of the Philadelphia Phillies, this story brought to you by the Professor Cork Gaines over at Rays Index sums it up perfectly.

The Rays and Indians got into a little skirmish when Kerry Wood threw at B.J. Upton twice during the ninth inning of yesterday’s game.  Joe Maddon and Victor Martinez exchanged words, and before you knew it, the benches were clearing.  Former Phillies left fielder Pat Burrell, who is currently on the DL for 15 days while his stiff neck loosens up, was back in the clubhouse relaxing with no pants on when everything started.

But as soon as The Bat caught wind of a possible brawl, he threw on some pants, sneakers, and his batting practice jersey and was in the middle of the scuffle faster than than it takes for him to get out of the batter’s box.

Here’s some clutch screen grabbery courtesy of The Prof:

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Pat Burrell Caught With His Pants Down | Rays Index

With the way Raul Ibanez has been playing, Pat Burrell is practically an afterthought here in Philly nowadays. (FYI: at this point last year The Bat was batting .355, with a .474 OPB, 1.224(!) OPS, 8 homers, 24 RBI, and only one GDP) But thanks to a The Fightins dot com reader named Ant and his camera phone, we see that Pat’s women are still representing lovely. Here’s a shot from The Bank the other night against the Brewers:

I’m not sure what the numbers 104 & 4 signify, but if I had to venture a guess, I’d bet it’s either their section & seat # or perhaps she was the 104th woman in Pat’s 4th season to receive a parting gift after leaving his apartment.

Pat is on the field right now (in a suit) getting re-acquainted with Leslie Gudel:

Have you ever fantasized about effortlessly bagging hot broads just like your hero, Pat Burrell?

Okay, well maybe that’s a little far-fetched, but have you ever wondered what it would be like to hang out with Pat for a night in hopes of potentially sampling his leftovers?

Seems a bit more realistic, but still — a definite long shot.

Well, if both of those options are out of the realm of possibility, do like The Fightins dot com reader D. Whitmore did and just slap a decal of The Bat on the back of your truck and wait for women to come a-runnin’.

Here is the early candidate for my favorite e-mail of 2009:

Some people may think they are fans of The Bat but very few can say The Bat rides with them. Since putting this on my truck, my wang has seen a dramatic increase in its vagina time and I believe that this is in direct relation to The Bat/Bait. So if any of you fellas over at thefightins need some more action in your life, I highly recommend installing one of these.

Sincerely,
An avid reader of thefightins and HDYSR titty posts
D. Whitmore

And just in case you are in the market for something similar (looking at you, Sexy Crimes), Mr. Whitmore told me he got it from eBay off of someone who makes customized window decals.

For a woman repellent, I’d highly recommend a Jorge Cantu decal.

/sheds tear

• Blaise on Pat Burrell’s induction into the University of Miami Hall of Fame
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• Watrick on Pat Burrell’s induction into the University of Miami Hall of Fame
• Watrick on Pat Burrell’s induction into the University of Miami Hall of Fame