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Posts Tagged ‘Matt Garza is disgusting’

Posted by Danger Guerrero at 12:15 pm ET 36 Comments

4:05 on FOX and MLB.TV

Note: Your usual open-thread overlords Chris and Ryan are at Fightins Tailgate 2: Tailgate Harder, along with Meech, ZWR, and all the other cool kids. I really wanted to be there, but I had prior obligations to do dork stuff with nerds. Maybe I’ll make it next year for Fightins Tailgate: Tokyo Drift.

But instead of wallowing in self-pity, let’s look at the bright side. With everybody away, we’ve got full run of this place today. Think of it like your parents went away, and I’m your cool older brother. Call your friends, get a couple kegs, and send someone on a run across the bridge to grab a handle of Everclear. Invite that one cute girl/guy. You know the one I’m talking about. Let’s burn this mother to the ground.

One rule: No screwing on my bed.


CLIFF LEE (5-5) 3.62 ERA

PHILLIES: Conservative statistical estimates for today’s game: Cliff Lee – 9 IP, 0 R, 0 H, -4 BB, 24 K. Dom Brown – 12-12, 15 HR, 34 RBI. Chooch – 8-8, 2 2B, 1 PreciousPostgameInterview.

MATT GARZA (2-5) 4.07 ERA

CUBS: Conservative statistical estimates for today’s game: Matt Garza – 1 IP, 1 Frillon R, Tenfinity H, Dozens BB, Pfft K. Starlin Castro – 0-3, 3 K, 1 LookLikeA12YearOld.

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R.I.P Harry Kalas