This is for those lucky folk who decided to skip out on that borefest of a Home Run Derby last night.

All 15 of Howard’s jacks in chronological order:

I’m pretty sure Ryan Howard isn’t quite ready to give up on this season.

Since the calender flipped to September, the man Jimmy Rollins nicknamed “Big Brown” has been – as we say in the biz – locked the fuck in. Last night was just more of the same. After he took Stifler’s (Ben Sheets looks exactly like Stifler, right? RIGHT?) 20 consecutive scoreless innings streak and deposited it somewhere deeeep in center field for his 43rd round-tripper, he came back in the fourth inning to do it again.

And he came thisclose. Observe:

“Just another piece of bacon – maybe for breakfast – and that ball’s outta here.”

-Sarge

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