When word came down that Manny Ramirez was banned for 50 games in accordance with MLB’s drug policy, I immediately scoured the internet for proof of such a travesty. Surely, it couldn’t have been true. Manny Ramirez is a lot of things, but he isn’t stupid (a flake, yes, but stupid, no) and he isn’t a cheater.

My twitter page was inundated with posts about Manny, my text message plan dissolved within minutes, and my inbox literally burst into flames.

Columns popped up with staggering speed, as every blogger within arm’s reach of a computer needed to be quick to put their two cents in, or to pass judgment on Manny, or to simply say “I told you so!”

When I originally penned this, I took Manny’s side, claiming that he didn’t knowingly cheat baseball, and that he is a victim of MLB’s drug policy, joining the ranks of our very own J.C. Romero, who fell victim to a faulty system that reacted too quickly to curb a problem, like using a grenade to kill a spider.

My reaction was as kneejerk as everyone else who cast a shadow on every slugger of our generation: Pujols, Thome, Frank Thomas, Griffey. “Surely,” I thought, “Manny didn’t cheat the game. There is no way.”

But as the facts rolled in, and when it came out that he allegedly (we can’t be too careful) took a doctor prescribed substance that is commonly used to reset the body’s testosterone at the end of a steroid cycle, not to mention the fact that it is also more commonly used by women, it looked more and more like the great Manny Ramirez joined the ranks of Rafael Palmeiro, Jose Canseco, and Alex Rodriguez as the great sluggers whose careers were perhaps nothing more than a work of fiction.

But the surprising thing isn’t that Manny took PEDs. What is surprising is that he took them in 2009. How could someone be so foolish, so cavalier, so stupid that they would take them at the height of the “clean era,” where testing occurs as often as it does?

One word: Hubris.

Was Manny’s pride so great that he was blinded by the obvious error in his ways? Or did the prospect of another big contract get in the way of rational thought?

How did he sneak under the radar for his entire career? There was never any indication that Manny was juicing. (For the record, I don’t care what Canseco says, he didn’t know Manny was cheating. He just guessed right.) He is one of the greatest right handed hitters that we’ve ever seen, and he is likely to go down as one of the top ten hitters to ever play the game. He’s put up freakishly good numbers for his entire career, and his second half of 2008 (.396/17/53) was sickeningly great.

So if Manny wasn’t using years ago, and there is no reason to believe that he was unless the rest of the 103 names are revealed, then why does he start now?

The truth is, Manny is a dinosaur at 36 years. In a game that now belongs to the Cole Hamels, Johan Santanas and Tim Lincecums, maybe Manny just didn’t want to be outmatched. Maybe he didn’t want to turn into a player who would have to be carried off the field when his time comes.

And as one more slugger and future Hall of Famer falls prey to the steroid era, the question more and more becomes “Who is clean?”

And with that, everyone is under suspicion. People are waiting for Albert Pujols’ name to appear on a list. Or Evan Longoria’s. Or, dare I say it, Ryan Howard’s.

But it’s hard not to have that opinion, I suppose. Every slugger and pitcher are under suspicion, and no one is clean anymore. All the drug tests in the world can’t convince the fans that everyone is playing the game the right way. The 90s sufficiently messed it up for every other player who hits the ball over the fence at an alarming rate.

But I urge everyone to take a step back and take a breath. Even though Manny maybe (but probably) cheated the game, that doesn’t mean everyone did. Maybe I’m an optimist. Or maybe I’m just blind.

Or maybe I just love this game too damn much that I refuse to believe it.

I imagine by the time the night is over, 90% of all major league ballplayers, managers, former ballplayers, sportswriters, broadcasters, bloggers, assholes, shitdicks, and Jay Leno will have opined on the Manny Ramirez suspension.

Well, no matter whose opinion you hear, none will be better than that of professional hitter Matt Stairs.

Via Todd Zolecki:

“People are going to have to stop taking this health bullshit and go back to being chubby and having fun.”

Amen, Matt.

Around 30 crazed Mets fans, dubbed “The Million Manny March”, took to SNY studios last night with dread wigs and posterboards from Duane Reade DEMANDING that the Mets sign free agent LF Manny Ramirez to a contract ASAP.

One adept sign maker even laid out their plan with a simple mathematical equation:

New York Mets + Manny Ramirez = World Series

Laugh all you want, but it’s really hard to argue with that logic.

Here is an eyewitness account, courtesy of the Mets blog Priced Out of the Citi (via Big League Stew):

The crowd was a bit smaller than expected (approximately 30 people), but boisterous nevertheless. Chants of “We want Manny!” were screamed throughout the show – with one fan even doing so through a megaphone. Signs plastered the glass of the studio with images of the 36 year old right-hander.

The leader of the pack, and focus of SNY’s outdoor coverage, even had a customized Mets Ramirez jersey. When asked where he got it, he said his mother got it for him. “She’s an even bigger Manny fan than I am!”

I’m proud to say — as a Phillies fan — that not once during our 25-year Championship drought did we ever stage such a pathetic, meaningless rally.  Well, except for that time in July of ‘95 when me and four buddies stood in the Vet parking lot begging Randy Ready to come back and play one more year.

But in our defense, we were extremely high.

For those not down with Canadian sketch comedy, here’s the headline reference.

During the bottom of the eighth inning of last night’s game, eccentric outfielder Manny Ramirez is sporting a grin on his mug that would lead you to believe the Dodgers were the ones with a 2-0 series lead heading back to L.A.  Of course we all know that’s not the case, so why does Manny look so happy?

Well, because the lovely Phillies ballgirl Gina Papili is prancing across the field and just happened to get in his field of vision.  You can’t blame him, really.

From the diabolical creators of digidigidigi comes…

MAN-RAM!*

Superb work, gentlemen. Apparently, his only weakness is a Ryan Madson changeup.

By the Power of Grayskull… | digidigidigi

*Featuring a spring loaded body that blasts back! (FOR AGES 5 AND OVER)

From the clever outfield fans who brought you “Ruth did it on Hot Dogs & Beer…” comes this beauty of a sign that welcomed Manny as he jogged out to left field in the bottom of the 1st. Apparently, they don’t approve of Joe Torre’s grooming edict and think just like Manny’s hair, the Dodgers will soon be gone:

Photo credit: Jerry Lodriguss, Inquirer

Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez. Joe Torre. Joe Torre. Joe Torre. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Red Sox-Dodgers. Joe Torre and Manny. Joe Torre and Manny.Joe Torre and Manny.Joe Torre and Manny.Joe Torre and Manny.Joe Torre and Manny. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston. Joe Torre and Manny versus Boston.

ESPN…SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY ABOUT MANNY, THE DODGERS, AND JOE TORRE!

Sportscenter, shut the fuck up.  Baseball Tonight, shut the fuck up. Pardon the Interruption, shut the fuck up. Tim McCarver, shut the fuck up.

I miss Tom Brady news…

Titties after the jump (sorry I forgot my ‘end week titty post’ reader).

Read more »

Are you a Dodgers fan who has been swept up by the Manny Mania!® phenomenon? Do you like to dress up in outrageous flair and bring attention to yourself while attending baseball games?

Well, the Dodgers store has the perfect accessory for you!

For an inflated price, you can now purchase the brand-new, Manny Wig® at participating Dodger games. Just head on over to Chávez Ravine, step inside the stadium store and grab your very own Jack Sparrow Lil’ Jon Manny Ramirez wig, complete with ‘LA’ inscribed skull-cap and flowing dreadlocks:

Once your purchase is complete, join your fellow Manny-loving friends on the third-base line so you don’t look like an imbecile all by your lonesome. When seated, just sit back, relax, and wait until the cameraman searches for the biggest losers in the crowd…

… and VOILA! Now everyone can see how big of a jaggov you are!

Oh, that Manny Ramirez! What a character!

Prior to the top of the ninth inning last night, the game between the Phillies and Dodgers was temporarily delayed becasue… wait for it… MANNY RAMIREZ WAS IN THE BATHROOM!

Seriously.

With Greg Dobbs at the plate ready to bat, umpires were frantically searching for the reason why the Dodgers were about to start off the final frame with no left fielder. Then, outta nowhere sprints the dreadlocked wonder from the depths of the dugout with his shirt partially unbuttoned while tugging at his belt. Apparently, Manny thought Joe Torre pulled him out of the game for a defensive replacement; but more often than not, when your Manager takes you out of the game, he has the common courtesy to inform said player.

This guy is incredible:

Out of left field: Manny goes missing, Dodgers win | Yahoo! [via Big League Stew]

I have no idea how I missed this yesterday (perhaps it was my 12-hour workday with no lunch), but Jim Salisbury of the Inquirer had what might be the best article ever written.

He chats it up with Phils skip Charlie Manuel about his relationship with the eccentric Manny Ramirez; whom Charlie coached in Triple-A Charlotte and Cleveland. Normally, I’d point out a funny paragraph, toss it in block quotes and feel I’ve quenched the thirst of you fine readers. But this thing (the whole thing) is so good and so funny, I DEMAND everyone go read it. If you don’t chuckle one time or feel like you wasted your time reading it, I’ll send you $10 via Paypal. And then I’ll track you down and punch you in the face for being a humorless bore. Now get to reading!

Manny Ramirez: carefree guy, serious hitter | Inquirer

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• Lynniemac on Which One is More Likely?
• Lynniemac on Playoff Diary: Nearly Bartmanesque
• RJ on Playoff Diary: Nearly Bartmanesque