New Phillies GM Ruben Amaro (Jr?, ehhh I forget; I’m 83% sure it’s Junior) decided to bolster an already strong bullpen with one time Dodger great Chan Ho Park. When reached for comment, Park told reporters he was “really excited” for those Spring Training stretching drills and late nights searching for pussy at the area Clearwater malls with his new wingman, Clay “don’t call me Gaiken” Condrey.

“I hear Clearwater has really nice hotel soap and am looking forward to meeting with my new Phillies teammates” Chan Ho Park said, with a Ecksteiny enthusiasm.

When hearing of the latest signing, his new teammates were equally joyed with responses of “who” and “who’s that” and “why the fuck we need more bullpen”. The locker room was in awe of their temporary teamate’s arrival:

“Never heard of ‘em” said a confused Greg Dobbs when reached for comment.

“World Champions. World TITTYFUCKING Champions” exclaimed Chase Utley.

“Don’t we need, like, uh, another outfielder or sumpthin” vociferated portly starter Joe Blanton.

“He fights like a pussy” maundered first baseman Ryan Howard.

Nothing but joy and overzealousness. He wore #61 during his times with the Dodgers, and that’s probably how many seconds he will spend on the mound this season as a Philadelphia Phillie.

Sincerest apologies, lovers of my titty posts. The lack of postage has been due to the fact my creative juices are squeezed out an orange of hate (damn period of genuine happiness in my life!!). That and a crippling Facebook addiction (seriously, that shit is worse for you than any drug). If I can leave you with one word of wisdom, it would be KeepOnHating. Probably would have to be hyphenated. Kristin Bell lookin’ all sexy after the jump.

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