Back in the beginning of 2009, my Peabody and NAACP Image award-winning column examined the dumbassery and bitchiness of one Larry “Chipper” Jones. He had gotten some sand in his vagina and decided that he wanted all the attention, and thought the Phillies-Mets rivalry was too talk-y. A brief summary of those January comments:

“You know, win with class, lose with class. Just keep your mouth shut and go play your game.”

Now the dumb fuck is saying this (courtesy of Jim Salisbury of the Inquirer):

“When you win the World Series, you can pop off, no doubt. You’ve done something a lot of other people haven’t done.”

Really? Pop off? You bitch. What happened to your Skip Baylessian tirade about class?

Jones reflected on Hamels’ comment, laughed and shook his head.

“But that’s probably not exactly the way I would have done it,” he said.

Yeah, that’s because in the immortal words of Chris “Y2J” Jericho, you’re an ass-clown. You’re a fucking Favreian media whore who gets pissed when no one gives a shit about your second-class team.

Atlanta used to be the epicenter of the National League East, with the Braves running off consecutive titles from 1995 to 2005. (They won three in the NL West before that.)

“Now we’re playing catch-up,” Jones said.

Fuck Hotlanta indeed. You jealous your team sucks. That’s enough cutting and pasting. For the kids out there, the lesson is Larry Jones is an arrogant turd and gets all pissy when his team is closer (standings-wise) to Washington than Philly.

Fuck you, Larry Jones.

Hey, you can see Eliza Dushku boobies if you click right below this text:

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…he’s a dipshit, fuckface, assmunch. Larry “Chipper” Jones decided to open his little bitch mouth recently, and suprisingly, didn’t injure it whilst speaking. Ask for douchedom, and thou shalt receive:

We won for 14 consecutive years, and you never, ever saw any bulletin board material. And now that these two teams are on top of the division, they can’t keep their mouths shut. Just go play baseball. It’s Cole Hamels now. It was Jimmy Rollins and Carlos Beltran the past couple of springs. These two teams are constantly going at each other verbally. You know, win with class, lose with class. Just keep your mouth shut and go play your game.

Hey, nutsack-face, why don’t you play a fucking full season before you talk shit on our shit.  Maybe once you and that fat wife-beating fuck of a manager can survive an entire season without you rupturing each other’s anuses, you’ll have something to talk about.

*FAKE UPDATE: Chipper broke 3 bones in his ear by picking up the phone too quickly*

And don’t you dare talk shit on Cole Hamels. Cole Hamels is the closest thing there is to a deity. Fuck you, Larry Jones, eat piss. You just jealous that your fans don’t give a shit. Enjoy your NASCAR rivalries, and learn to keep your fucking mouth shut and play your game when you are the defending WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS.

From Wikipedia:

The nickname “Chipper” came from family members who felt he was a “chip-off-the-old-block” of his father.

Here’s hoping Cole Hamels takes a chip off your blockhead in ‘09! Ass.

Bewbs after the jump:

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