Following in the footsteps of Cole Hamels and Heidi Strobel, Phillie/IronPig Kyle Kendrick is all set to marry his bar owner/Survivor alum of a girlfriend in a late 2010 ceremony at the Silverado Resort in California’s Napa Valley.  TV blogger for Philly.com, Jonathan STORM, has the deets:

Circle Nov. 13 for the wedding of Philadelphia’s Survivor sweetheart Stephenie LaGrossa, 30, and Phillies lefty Kyle Kendrick, 25.

Circled?  Gooood.

As you may or may not know, Kyle Kendrick has spent two seasons and some change with the Phillies, while his wife-to-be Stephenie just wrapped up her third go-round in her role as “Stephenie” on the hit NBC TV show, Survivor.

I’m sure everyone wishes these two love birds all the luck in the world as a happily married couple, but what most concerns us Phillies fans is whether or not Kyle is ready to reclaim a spot in the 2010 Phillies rotation.  One person who thinks this shouldn’t be a problem is the future Mrs. Kendrick.

Prepare to update your scouting reports:

“He only had two pitches,” Stephenie said, “and the batters caught up to him. Now he has five, and his change-up is sick.”

I also heard his 4-seamer is ill and his sinker’s mad dope, yo.

Opposing batters beware!

Napa Wedding for Survivor and Phillies Stars | Eye of the Storm
Photo courtesy of Flickr user emoda.com

This postseason has been quite taxing so far. The last three games against the Rockies were all close, and so were the first two against the Dodogers. Well: Hallelujah! Last night’s 11-0 win finally allowed all of us to relax an enjoy the sights and sounds of playoff baseball. For example, there was Kyle Kendrick, who apparently had to go get lattes for the coaches. Hey, whatever helps the team win. Kendrick actually had an okay year in the minors — still needs to work on that K:BB ratio — and when he was called up he wasn’t too shabby, either, so hopefully he’ll be back in the majors eventually and some other former Rookie of the Year fifth-place finisher will be fetching coffee. (Full credit to Jason Weitzel at Beerleaguer for noticing this.)

• Another day, another chance to bash Tommy Lasorda. He reminded us all on his Twitter account that he hates the Phillie Phanatic. This was pre-game; then he had to go watch the Phanatic celebrate all night as the Phillies lead kept growing larger and larger and larger. If Tommy’s at the game tonight, the Phanatic should — nay, must — dump a whole thing of Popcorn on his head.

Lasorda was apparently hanging all over the Philadelphia area yesteday, as he also made a stop at Geno’s and wrote, “I don’t always eat cheesesteaks, but when I do, I eat at Geno’s.” Hmm. Let’s go back to May 2006, when Lasorda listed his favorite restaurants on his blog. Now, I am an incredibly picky eater and have the palate of a five year old, but even I think this list is stupid. For example, his favorite restaurants in Washington, D.C.: The White House (where he’s apparently eaten) and ESPN Zone. He lists ESPN Zones (and Buca di Beppos) all over the country. This is like listing your favorite pizza place as Domino’s. What’s the point? I was also highly amused that his blog lists all his honorary doctorates on the sidebar. Do you think Lasorda is one of those people who makes you address him as “Doctor” even though he only has honorary degrees?

But I digress. Back over three years ago, Lasorda wrote this about one of his Philadelphia restaurants. I’ll blockquote this because it’s so great:

Pat’s – One word: PhillyCheeseSteaks!

Uhh, you can’t just cram things together and say it’s one word. And why capitalize the ‘S’? But I digress (again)! Sometime over the past three years, apparently, Lasorda has switched from Pat’s to Geno’s. What gives, Tommy?

The point is: I very much enjoyed Tommy Lasorda looking sad last night as the Phillies (and the Phanatic) destroyed the Dodgers.

• What else did I enjoy about the game last night? I liked one of the tags on this Dodgers fan’s Tumblr post about the game: “kuroda, i will chop off your balls.” I think the Phillies had already done that.

• Last year, I took my girlfriend to her first Phillies game pretty early in the year; it was awesome, because the Phillies rallied from 3-0 in the ninth to win. Anyway: Sometime in the game, Jayson Werth didn’t get a ball in center field. It wasn’t really one he could have gotten, but that didn’t stop some stupid fans around us from chanting, “Werth! Less! Werth! Less!” Well, now we have the opposite of that, the Werthwhile shirt. I couldn’t be happier.

• Let’s see what the Daily News‘ David Murphy had to write in his lede for the 11-0 win.

IT WAS ON the team charter that Jayson Werth realized it would all be OK. In the wake of what could have been a punch-in-the-gut loss in Game 2, the Phillies could have inhabited the type of psychological realm that often leads to physical letdowns of the most gargantuan proportions.

Yes, the Phillies sure could have inhabited that type of psychological realm. Phew! It’s a good thing they stayed out of it, or who knows what would have happened?

• Hm. What else? Wait, what’s that? No, I don’t want to talk about how the Phillies could be going for a sweep tonight. Shush. Look, that could be fun, but Big Game Joe Blanton’s going to give them a 3-1 lead tonight, and that’s good enough for now. Let’s go Phillies!

Each day(-ish) during the postseason, Dan McQuade will write about the Phillies’ chance at a second straight World Series title. You can usually read his thoughts on baseball at Walkoff Walk. If he were going to tonight’s game, he might dump a bucket of popcorn on Tommy Lasorda’s head himself.

From David Murphy and the Daily News:

From Jim Salisbury of the Inquirer:

Credit to philly.com for the matching photos.

In conclusion, fuck no. Go back to your shitty Abercrombie modeling, K-Dog.

HOLEEE SHIT.

While perhaps he should be working on a way to get a left-handed hitter out, Kyle Kendrick has been busy sprucing up his modeling resume this offseason with girlfriend/Survivor-alum, Stephenie LaGrossa.

Matt P of The Level dug up these gems from the trendy on-line clothing boutique, eModa.com, featuring Double K and his woman making sweet, sweet love to the camera while showing off the latest in fashion that will surely be out of style faster than you can say, “I’ll take the Von Dutch hat.”

Behold, the power of the outdated skull belt buckle:

After the jump, the best shot of the group, ROFL bot’d for your convenience…

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Way back in September, it was reported that the veteran members of the Phillies forced the rookies to dress up for their annual hazing. Unfortunately (and perhaps inexcusably), nobody had visual evidence of the event, and it was feared that these pictures would never surfice.

Well, fear not — The Fightins dot com has you covered with your exclusive first look.

(Unless, of course, you already watched the Phillies Yearbook DVD, in which case it would be your not-so-exclusive second look. Either way, I went ahead and captured the screen shot for you.)

That’s J.A. Happ as a Roman Soldier, Greg Golson in the 20’s-style slip dress, Lou Marson with the leather short-shorts/vest/Zorro mask ensemble, Kyle Kendrick looking dominatrix-y in his chaps, cod piece, chest thingee, cap, mask, and whip, followed by Mike Cervenak as Britney Spears, and first-year strength and conditioning coach Doug Lien as a geisha girl.  Enjoy:

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Just because Kyle Kendrick was left off the 2008 playoff roster doesn’t mean his ladyfriend should stop rooting for her man. Below is a picture from the first half of Game 5 of the World Series where Kendrick’s girl, Survivor-alum Stephenie LaGrossa (middle), is photographed with 2005 AVN winner for best Gonzo Film, Gina Lynn, and GN Kang, co-host of Wired 96.5’s morning show:

Not for nothing, Kyle — I like the way your girl rolls and all — but if she’s gonna get Louis Vuitton’d up, you gotta at least get her the authentic jersey:

Photos taken (with love) from GN Kang’s website

After the jump, a brief YouTube clip of the girls in action. (Unfortunately, not like that)

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The rapid decline of Kyle Kendrick continues…

After batting practice yesterday, pitching coach Rich Dubee informed the floundering soph that he would not only be left off the playoff roster for the NLDS, but he was being sent to Miami to hone his skills in the Florida International League. From the Daily News:

“We made the decision he’s not going to be in the rotation,” Dubee said. “He’s not going to break into the bullpen, the way the guys are throwing down there. We have to have some type of protection if we have an injury.

“Having him down there serves two purposes,” Dubee continued. “One: He keeps his arm going in case we do need him. Two: He can start doing some of the things he needs to do to be a better pitcher.”

Ouch.  Just a few short months ago, Kendrick was a valuable piece in the Phillies rotation as he notched his 2nd straight season of 10+ wins.  Then, right around the time he was rumored to be dating Survivor’s Stephenie LaGrossa, Kendrick began getting shelled on a regular basis. The Phillies finally saw enough, and he was replaced by J.A. Happ.

Hang in there Kyle, we’ll see you next Spring Training.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Adam Eaton didn’t make it either.  YAY!

Phillies Notebook: Kendrick off Phillies playoff roster, will head to Instructional League | Daily News

[Citizen's Bank Park, Monday afternoon team practice]

Charlie Manuel: Kendrick! Just the man I was looking for. Let’s mosey on over to my office for a chat.

Kyle Kendrick: Be right there, Skip, just let me throw one more pitch. [Kendrick throws and gives up three earned runs despite nobody on base] OK, I’m ready.

[In Manuel's office]

CM: Well, son, there ain’t no good way to say it, so I’ll just say it: You’re being pulled from Wednesday night’s start against the Braves. Happ here’s going to take your place.

KK: Oh, come on, Skip! Look, I know I’ve struggled a bit lately but don’t you think this is kind of hasty? My numbers on the road are bound to improve, and — wait a second…

CM: What?

KK: I see what you’re up to. Very clever, Skip.

CM: What’s clever?

KK: Let me guess: You call me in here like you did last time, when you told me I was getting traded to Japan, you watch me shit my pants, and then Brett Myers falls out from behind that plant over there with a camcorder and everybody starts laughing their ass off.

CM: Ain’t no joke, son. Look around. Myers ain’t even here.

KK: HA HA HA HA HA! I can’t believe I was about to fall for that again! You guys are good. You are really, really…

KK: Ah-ha, ha ha…

KK: Um… Happ?

[Happ stares awkwardly at the floor]

KK: Oh, you fuckers. [Storms out]

CM: That reminds me… [picks up phone, dials number of Yomiuri Giants GM] Konnichiwa,  Makato-san! You still interested in that right-hander? Alright then, same deal as before: two jars of wasabi, a rub-and-tug girl for the players and he’s all yours. Domou; pleasure doin’ business with you!

One thing about last night is for certain: If we’re depending on a team that is 30 games under .500 to bail us out of trouble, we are in some serious trouble.

At this point Kyle Kendrick is a bona fide liability, with a capital “L.” (A more appropriate letter doesn’t exist.) There goes my theory that Kendrick performs better at home! The next time he’s called into Charlie Manuel’s office and told he’s going to Japan — well, Kendrick better start packing, because it won’t be a joke.

Happ, Kendrick’s possible replacement in the order, didn’t look much better last night, but it was pretty damned hard to look worse. A valiant effort by the offense and four innings of shutout baseball from the bullpen wasn’t enough to rally back in Florida’s 10-8 victory last night.

Meanwhile, up in New York, it looked for a brief time as if the Mets might fall to the Nationals, but three runs in the sixth inning secured them the victory. The Mets bullpen, now permanently missing Wagner but somehow incredibly better, held down their 10-8 lead. Delgado was once again a monster, with two home runs and three RBI; it was his second consecutive multi-home run game.

So, here’s the situation: The Phillies are 2.5 games behind the Mets with 17 games to play (New York has 18 games left). However… the Mets have Santana and the Phillies have — Hamels? Myers? Moyer? Will any or all of them be enough? Is Blanton going to do what he was brought here to do and eat some damned innings already?

And just what do the Phillies do about the Kendrick situation? If he stays in the rotation, they have no shot at winning the division, or even a wild card for that matter. It’s either Happ, or Eaton, and given what I know about Eaton I’ll take my chances with Happ.

The offense, the starters and the bullpen all have to show up together, in every game, for the rest of the season. Two out of three won’t cut it: Last night the starter failed miserably, and the other two elements couldn’t overcome the damage. This is not how you earn a trip to the postseason.

It ain’t over ’till it’s over, a wise man once said, but man, is it getting close.

After two fairly impressive home starts to offset his hiccups out West, new Phillies forum whipping-boy Kyle Kendrick has laid another egg outside the comforts of familiar territory. Against the lowly(?) Nats Kendrick surrendered six runs, all earned, before the fifth inning of a 7-4 loss. As for strikeouts — well, let’s just say that Kendrick has more K’s in his last name than he had on the mound yesterday afternoon.

The statistics do not look kindly on Kendrick: at the Bank, he is 5-3 with an ERA OF 3.69. Opposing batters hit a mediocre .267 against him. On the road, however, it is quite a different story: 6-5 with a 5.69 ERA and an opponent’s batting average of .328.

With J.A. Happ and (God help us) Adam Eaton both called up from the minors, we may see Kyle on a very, very short leash from this point forward.

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