You can break out all the statistics and history you want to shoot me down, but Joe Beimel should be a Phillie. This is why:

Strictly from a blogger’s perspective, a series of videos with troyfromwestvirginia in a Beimel Phillies jersey and red ballcap for even just a season would be a gift from the baseball gods. Well, maybe one of the minor baseball gods. Not a strong enough argument? Joe Beimel also looks a little bit like Gene Ween, which is kind of cool:

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The purpose of this new, exclusive The Fightins dot com feature is to foster a rivalry between the Phillies beat writers by keeping a running tally of who scoops who on Twitter; highlight my favorite articles each week by these writers; and last, but not least, to make it all into a year-long dick joke. You can play along by reading their tweets in this convenient list.

Let’s start the first beat-off session with a look at the current players and their scores:

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