I’m not emotionally stable enough to form coherent sentences here, so you’ll have to settle for one of those quote-box thingees. From MLBTR, via The Squirrel and Busta-Buss Olney:

The Rays, filling their need for a power hitter, are close to signing free-agent Pat Burrell to a two-year, $16 million contract, according to major-league sources.

TWO YEARS, $16 MILLION!?!??!!! Fuck you Ruben Amaro, Jr.

And with that, an entire city’s female population is now frantically searching for real estate in Tampa. Who else is gonna bust a Pat the Bat slump?

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