Dearest Phillies management:

You claim to have several ‘untouchables’ (I’m too late to make a Michael Jackson “bad touch, good touch” joke) in your farm system. Kyle Famous Last Name, Lou Marson, et cetera. I know you care about the future (even though one of your former players knows the world will end in less than 2 years). The future is a sexy proposition. Everybody likes talking about the future, because they are not held liable for their stupid predictions.

So, your cold feet in regards to selling off your future is justifiable, if you are looking to move the son of  a former legend (genealogy and shit will back up his potential for greatness). But you know who the Phillies recently rejected (<—-the headline in alluded to in my headline) a trade for? This guy.

Kyle Cockfucking Kendrick!?!?! Why!!?!? That turd of an arm couldn’t throw a watchmaker’s dick through a laundry chute (I don’t understand my own analogies either). Fuck that guy! He’s as successful a pitcher as the ‘Tard is at selling his position on drug abuse.

And for whom was double K to be traded? Probably some shitball pitcher, or useless veteran, right? Not really. A thirty year old outfielder with a .283 average and 12 dingers. Josh Willingham, a decent player playing for the shittiest franchise in the history of turd franchises.

While reports are not entirely saying that they were trying to move Kendrick, their love of this loser saddens Howdy S. I’d trade that uselessness in a fucking minute. I’d trade Kyle Kendrick for a used nutsack and a box of baking soda.

RoyHalladay > Josh Willingham > a nutsack & baking soda > Kyle Kendrick

Don’t do something so fucking stupid like this again, Rube Jr.

Sincerely,

Howdy S. Thompson

P.S. All future hate mail can be directly delivered to the ‘Tard at sargematthewshats@gmail.com

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