Okay, so MLB suspended Game 5 about two minutes after the Rays tied it up at 2 on a Carlos Pena base hit. Not complaining, jussaying.

According to some gigantic fellow name Bob Dupuy, if they don’t finish the game tonight (which they won’t), play will continue tomorrow with the score still tied at 2 from the point where it stopped in the bottom of the 6th. Unfortunately, tomorrow’s weather is supposed to be worse than tonight. In that case, the game would continue on Wednesday.

In other words, Major League Baseball proves once again how incompetent they are.

You wanna hate someone? Here’s that Bob Dupuy guy who relayed the information. Hate him:

Phillies vs. Brewers. Yuengling vs. Miller. The #2 heroin capital vs. the cheese capital. Credit to the people at FOX Sports for the useless city comparison. Scooter the Talking Baseball will take it from here.

The last time the Brewers made the playoffs, Jamie Moyer and John McCain were spreading deadly strains of SuperAIDS to the American Indian (double old guy zing!!), Michael Phelps and Dane Cook had yet to double-handedly ruin comedy, and your author for this post wouldn’t exist as a chromosome in his dad’s sack for another five years or so.

The last time the Phillies made the playoffs (last year, dumbass), HDYSR? wasn’t sweating through two shirts per diem, the ‘gigantic fat fuck’ tag didn’t exist, and Clay Aiken was telling us “vagina is delicious”.

[You're welcome I didn't do the price of gas, price of milk, #1 song reminder, known in the sports journalism world as the 'computer-graphic cunt punch']

Now, while most of us couldn’t locate Milwaukee on a map (pretty sure it’s in Alabama or Bulgaria), we know who the Milwaukee Brewers are. Now, dipshits like Tim McCarver and whatever set of losers TBS trots out will bombard us with the ‘Baby Brewers’, the ‘House Money’ reference, and the ‘Pubeless Power Brigade’.

The Brewers are a good young team, but the Phillies should win in 4. As long as the Brewers don’t start Tim Redding, this offense should be capable of beating an inexperienced team. End in-depth analysis and statistical breakdown. Scooter will now tell you what a fastball is. And Joe Buck will find it hilarious in an unfunny, ironic way (where’s that cunt punch when you need it?).

Bring on the [ESPN's] C[h]ubbies. I only hope I bracketed that right.

Dear Prince,

I, like many Phillies fans, have a faint rooting interest in your Brewers during the final week of the regular season.  As much as we would like to see the Mets miss the playoffs (again), we would also appreciate if you didn’t celebrate walk-off home runs (or any home run, for that matter) by lifting your shirt and revealing your fat-belly.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Everyone

Happy Late Sunday/Monday all. How was my weekend? Well, thanks for asking, it was real shitty. My car broke down 100 miles from school and 60 miles from my house, I only got wasted one night (ending my week long streak), and am stuck driving a Taurus until my car is fixed.

Well, enough of my bitch-fit, the Phils are now tied for the Wild Card and are only a game back of the team that resides in Ghea Stadium.

Brewers hitting coach Jim Skaalen sums up my mental state this weekend (bonus: Prince Fielder causes a 7.8 on the Richter Scale with his fall [seriously, that guy is fuckin' massive]).

Enjoy the shitty quality video after the jump.

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Greetings, n00bs. To those of you unfamiliar with myself, let me introduce… myself:

I am ‘How do you spell retard?’. I will only be addressed as so. You may have seen me on the Deadspins, Joe Sports Fan, The Sports Hernia, or my personal favorite Nudography(username: JornTunsberg). I am prone to both aspects of manic depression(self diagnosed). I went to school with some of Sal’s Pals. My home base is in Burlington County, but am currently located in North Jersey. I enjoy lookin’ for pussy, hitting on teenage girls, Norwegian Black Metal, porno, lifting, getting wasted, and the Phillies. I would describe myself as a combination of Travis Bickle and GG Allin, but physically Jamey Jasta and Ben Savage(with liberty spikes). I can’t stand Larry Anderson, am amused by Wheels’s douchiness.

Like Meech, I have an unhealthy obsession with Sarge and his hats.

Enough about me, there are more important matters:

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• FreddiePickles on What does the Bond girl have in common with Antonio Alfonseca?
• Whittle on What does the Bond girl have in common with Antonio Alfonseca?
• AJ on Ghea City Wagers
• Sean on Meet Rich Campbell