From the GAHHHHHHHHHHHH department of Phillies news comes this gem:

“The Phillies have decided to scout free agent pitcher Pedro Martinez”

Fuck and no! No fucking way would this signing have any positive impact for our Fightins. The disgustingly scary thing is that over thirty percent of the people polled on this news would like to see Pedro in red pinstripes. This should not be shocking news, however, as polls also indicate that a large percentage of the population (excluding Señor Retardo) would not pay tax dollars to see Michael Bay imprisoned and castrated.

If this awfulness were to occur, I would like to invite the Fighins’ staff and readership to join me in a group bum rush/suicide bombing of the printer in the Phillies front office that prints free agent contracts. We can not let this former Met and Red Sock join the World Fucking Champs.

He’s old. He’s frail. He’s a #4 starter at best, and could barely making 15 starts a year. He makes Mark Prior look like Roy Halladay (in terms of innings eatability).

Fuck Pedro. We don’t fucking need him. Plus, Nelson de La Rosa is fucking dead, so his clubhouse presence is useless.

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