Are we, as Phillies fans, assholes? Of course, lovable assholes. “Eat this you stupid, stupid little girl.” *throws mustard packet at Joe Maddon’s granddaughter*. The kind that lovingly shit in your mailbox, yell ‘Choooooooooch’ at an abortion ceremony, kick your Mets’ loving-Wawa devoid-SNY watching-shitty accent having-Sbarro inventing ’selves in the dick.

Assholes or not, as Delaware Valleyians, we will never be as annoying as one group. That group being those douches in Boston. Fuck Boston. I repeat, FUCK BOSTON. Fuck the nation.

The Bleacher Report’s Scott Eisenlohr agrees. After claims of more World Serieses (Seriesi? Once again, I call for the help of English Majors)for our beloved Phils, Scott unleashes this declaration to all the Marky Marks and Matt Damons out there:

“But we ain’t sharing this one wit’ ch’all. Hey, John Kerry, get outta town asking for a cheesesteak w’ swizz cheese. You ain’t one of us, and you ain’t welcome here.”

“We will take out-of-town fans, but more likely than not, fans outside of Philadelphia love to hate us more than to become one of our own.”

Fuck yeah. Fuck everybody. That has always been my motto (along with “You Go, Girl” and “Live Fast. Die“). No Phillies Nation, no horrible SNL/Conan shout-outs, no “hey, brah”. Just lunacy, asshole tauntery, inebriation, foul bloggers, Sarge hats, and every car on it’s hood.

Eat shit, all those who don’t want to be a part of this. Johan Hegg would have wanted it this way.

And because I started this post 2 days ago (I was busy cleaning a girl’s puke off my iPod, plus I can’t stop listening to Ensiferum), TITTIES!!

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