Dude, so like me, B-Rad and some of the Tekes from the “bar association” go to Brownie’s the other night for $2 pitchers, right? And we’re checking out the Phillies’ schedule ‘cuz some of us are coming back in August for lacrosse camp, right?

Dude — guess what’s happening on the 19th? You’ll never guess. No, dude. No, dude. No, dude. Nah, bro, guess again, you’re not even close.

OK, I’ll stop being a dick and tell you: “Gay Community Night.” The fuck, right? Are they SERIOUS?

No way would I want to play baseball in a stadium full of homos. I mean, if I was Pat Burrell I’d be wondering all night if some butt pirate was checking out my ass. I could see a chick doing that, because if I was a chick I’d totally be into Pat Burrell, but I’m not.

Hey, I’ll bet they sell out of foot-longs and hot fudge sundaes that night, you know what I’m saying? I’ll bet the lezbo chicks spend all night eating fish tacos, if you know what I mean. Because it reminds them of vaginas.

High five, dude!

Like my dad always says at the country club, how come they don’t have a “Straight White Guy Night?” I mean, how come they always get special treatment and we don’t? Fuckin’ Democrats, man. Don’t get me started.

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