Ahhhhh, it must be nice being the recipient of all the perks that come along with being an All-Star center fielder for the 2-time defending NL Champions… first class flights, stretch limos with complimentary bar service, celebrity friends, VIP treatment at the establishment of your choosing, red carpet treatment at the Grammys, free Lasik vision eye surgery (*record scratch*)

Wait a second!  How’d that last one get in there?  Ah, who cares — FREE LASIK!

Take a listen:

I’m gonna come clean here, I’ve never heard of Montana Tractors before.

But then again, I’m not the outdoors-y type who goes elk hunting as a hobby and mows down opposing batters for a living like I had a friggin’ MRFM84 attachment for an arm.  Cliff Lee is.  And if he thinks that the Montana Tractor is worthy of his endorsement, then there’s only two conclusions you can draw from this:  1.)  Montana Tractors are the finest quality tractor that money can buy, and 2.)  John Deere is a pussy.

Besides — check out the deal they’re running on that Clifton ad. Now I’m no math major, but zero down, zero payments, and zero interest sounds to me like you’ve got a free tractor coming your way.

GETCHER FREE TRACTORS!

Less than a week after the Phillies lost to the Yankees in the 2009 World Series, Cole Hamels was back in New York City with his buddies James Gandolfini and and Ice-T for the WORLD GLOBAL DEBUT of the new Call of Duty game, Modern Warfare 2. While he was there, he decided to speak to a guy with a microphone and a video camera, and then that guy edited the clip together with other clips of people (some famous, some not) talking about the game and then uploaded it to YouTube which is where I found it. Now, I’m embedding it on this site.

¡THE INTERNET!

If you’re impatient, FF to the :30 second mark for your boy Cole:

“If I can’t beat ‘em on the field, then hopefully I can beat them [in Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 -- a video game].”

-Cole Hamels

Cole Hamels is back to endorsing, folks.  And this time, he’s in video game form for the first person shooter game, Call of Duty, where he films a PSA to fight against grenade spam.  Cause as everyone knows, if there’s one thing Cole Hamels can’t stand, its FAGS (Fight Against Grenade Spam). 

Check out the potty mouthed version of video game Cole:

haha, I’m starting to think Cole Hamels will endorse ANYTHING.

When your life moves as fast as highfalutin pitcher Cole Hamels’ does, you expect your internet to keep up. That’s why Cole Hamels uses Comcast. This way, even when Cole is on the road (he must take his internet with him), he can watch crappy highlights of non-MLB games, rock out to the latest Good Charlotte album or whatever emo-sappy California music it is that Cole listens to, and reply to all those “WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME!?” e-mails from Heidi.

It’s COM-FUCKING-CASTIC!

Hey, look who’s back! It’s Big Brown and that crazy Subway spokesman Jared Fogle in a brand spanking new commercial for the Big Philly Cheesesteak, which may be big, may have cheese and some sort of steak on it, but it sure as hell ain’t from Philly. Revel in the awkwardness, after the jump…

Read more »

What in the world has gotten into Jayson Werth recently?

In the past eight games dating back to August 15th, the All-Star right fielder is batting .375 with 12 hits — 6 of them for home runs — 10 RBI, 8 runs scored, with a sick 1.031 SLG% and an absurd 1.460 OPS. Some may say it’s because of his extreme plate discipline where he leads the NL in pitches seen per at-bat, others may argue that Jayson is finally living up to his potential, while few — mainly me & the Birdland guys — think it’s because he wore that killer Panamania shirt last week.

But if you ask Jayson, and then pay him handsomely to star in a commercial for your practice, he might just tell you it’s all due to Dr. Michael Peterson DC and his patented Active-Release Therapy technique.

Here’s his low budget commercial endorsing the Doc, and as an added bonus you get the hear the difference of a Harry The K call vs. a Tom McCarthy call back-to-back:

If you’re dying to hear more, head on over to the Doc’s website and watch an interview with Jayson about his injury history and the POWER OF ACTIVE-RELEASE THERAPY!!!

Hey!  Check out who’s the new pitchman (you noticed that emphasis on pitch, right?) for Chew-ets Milk Chocolately Peanut Chews –

Why, it’s Cole Hamels!

Or at least some artist’s rendering of what Cole Hamels is supposed to look like.

If you aren’t from the Philadelphia area, you may not be too familiar with Peanut Chews, those Chewy Chocolatey Bites Loaded with Crunchy Peanuts!™   But when I was a young’n, they were manufactured about 10 minutes from my house and were called Goldenberg’s Peanut Chews.  Being as though I’m not much of a candy eater in the first place, I didn’t even notice the hostile takeover by Chew-ets to put our poor Jewish peanut chew-making family out of commission, and now Chew-ets is flaunting their cash by inking a few players to endorse their product; the legendary trio of Cole Hamels, Nolan Ryan, and Lou Brock.

Apparently Pennsylvania, Texas, and Missouri are the Chews main states of business, that’s why they went with players from those teams.  The other strange thing I noticed on their website was Cole Hamels and Lou Brock have the blank cap/blank jersey thing going while Nolan Ryan is sporting his Texas Rangers gear.  If you get the licensing for one team, can’t you get all three?

Ah, who gives a shit.  It’s fucking candy.

I’m starting to like this whole Jimmy Rollins/Red Bull relationship. A couple weeks ago, they brought you this highly entertaining clip of Jimmy rolling up on some unsuspecting CBP tailgaters, and now they’re back with a tour of Jimmy’s South Jersey abode. It’s like MTV Cribs, minus the sped-up camerawork and unnecessary sound effects.  Please enjoy:

• World Frickin' Breakfast Of Champions on Happy 66th Birthday, Charlie Manuel
• World Frickin' Breakfast Of Champions on Pedro at the Boat Party
• bigmyc on Happy 66th Birthday, Charlie Manuel
• It's all just too beard on Happy 66th Birthday, Charlie Manuel
• maria on Pedro at the Boat Party