You would think that since Ed Wade did play an integral part in assembling the WFC Phillies, he would’ve had a faint interest in the outcome of last year’s World Series, right?

WRONG.

Wade spoke with a few reporters after the Phillies beat the ‘Stros in Kissimmee yesterday — one being Chuck Gormley of the Courier-Post — to give his thoughts on the Phillies.  After saying how he was happy for guys like Charlie Manuel and the scouting department (a/k/a “his guys”), he admitted that he was sleeping when they finally won the whole thing.

Oh, and not that I have to remind you, but because the game started in the bottom of the sixth, they won just prior to 10:00 ET.  Or 9:00 CT, where Ed was.  He really is a fucking lame-o.

“I might have been the only person alive who was actually asleep when the Phillies clinched. I didn’t have a rooting interest in it.”

Fucking liar.  I’ll bet you Ed was praying for the Rays to win and when he finally realized that the Phillies were just too damn good not to, he couldn’t bear to watch.  See what happens when you make a couple deals at the trade deadline, Eddy?

After that, Ed spoke of the Brad Lidge-for-Michael Bourn/Geoff Geary trade.  SURELY he’d admit his mistake there, right?

WRONG.

“When I first got this opportunity, it was clearly a consensus of opinion that Brad needed a change of scenery, that for whatever reason he just wasn’t able to get back on track and be the same guy he was in previous seasons. It wasn’t a mandate to make a move, but it was a consensus of opinion from the people who were in the organization that we had to do something.”

Your consensuses suck, Ed.

Lastly, there’s this:

“Michael is going to be a good center fielder for us. He got a full season under his belt last season, and I think he learned a lot about not being as selective. He’s not going to be Juan Pierre.“

I admit that I enjoyed the play of Michael Bourn.  I also admit that I know little-to-nothing about figuring out the value of a player, I just fall in love with the speedy, supposed leadoff guys.  It’s one of my baseball weaknesses.  But Juan Pierre, Ed?  Even I know he’s the worst cot-damned leadoff hitter of the past 10 years.  And if you don’t believe *me*, I recommend following the “Juan Pierre” tag from the great FJM (R.I.P).

Ed Wade Q and A | Red Phever

With everyone’s favorite ponophobic right fielder Bobby Abreu still looking for a team, New York Times resident dumbass Tyler Kepner inquired why this former home run derby champ was jobless*. And where did he go for his insight? Well, it’s only fitting that he contacted Astros GM and Houston’s resident dumbass, Ed Wade:

“He’s a sabermetrician’s dream, from the standpoint of what he produces statistically,” Wade said.

What!!! What kind of queer dream is that? You know what my dreams are? An outfielder whose dick doesn’t retreat into his body when he feels the warning track. That and looking for BJs and having my life threatened on a nightly, REM basis. Fuck sabermetricians.

But that’s enough from Wade, let’s go back to asshat Tyler Kepner:

I also think his defensive shortcomings are overstated. His range factor per nine innings was below the league average last season, but he still runs well and his arm is still adequate. Abreu has played at least 151 games in 11 consecutive seasons, but he shies away from outfield walls and his reputation has suffered for it.

His teams have also suffered for it. Jayson Werth ain’t  pussin’ out for some wall. How many fucking games has Abreu lost for this team because of his pussy antics at the plate and in the field? I’m no sabermetrician, but I’m guessing a bucketful. But let’s get back to Ed and horrible comparisons:

“Aaron Rowand is an outstanding player and he brings that blue-collar type of energy to the field, and that’s great. Fans gravitate to that, especially in Philadelphia. Bobby’s so good at what he does and so smooth at doing it, he tends to be underappreciated.”

Wait…wait a fucking second. Did he seriously call Bobby Abreu smooth ? Please, Bobby’s as smooth as a middle-aged prostitute’s mons pubis. Apparently herky-jerky oufielding and running a ball down like you have a butt plug inside you constitutes smoothness.

But there is good news:

A few dominoes could fall in certain places – the Dodgers, the Mets, the Mariners – that might open some options for Abreu

Oh, for Odin’s sake, pleeeeeeasse let him play for the Mets next year. He’s the perfect combination of heartless, overpaid, bitchy, nutless, gutless, and a sabermetrician’s solution to relieve a hard cock. I can hear the boos rain down on him in my sadomasochistic, nihilistic dreams.

*on a side note, anyone that says “general managers can’t spend as much money because of the failing economy” can have my taint for breakfast. Bullshit. Since when has baseball been a reflection of the economy? Endy Chavez made $1.8 million last year.

Yesterday, while dining in the team’s lunch room, Ex-Phillies GM Ed Wade approached recently-demoted pitcher Shawn Chacon as he was eating. (Mistake #1) Wade informed Shawn that he and manager Cecil Cooper would like to have a word with him in his office. This is where it gets good. I’ll let Shawn, via the Houston Chronicle, take it from here,

“I sat down to eat and Ed Wade came to me and very sternly said, ‘you need to come with me to the office.’ I said ‘for what?’ I said ‘I don’t want to go to the office with you and Cooper.’ And I said ‘You can tell me whatever you got to tell me right here.’ He’s like, ‘oh, you want me to tell you right here?’ And I said, ‘yeah.’ I’m not yelling. I’m calm.”

It deteriorated quickly afterward, according to Chacon.

“He started yelling and cussing,” Chacon said of Wade. “I’m sitting there and I said to him very calmly, ‘Ed, you need to stop yelling at me. Then I stood up and said ‘you better stop yelling at me.’ I stood up. He continued and was basically yelling and stuff and was like, ‘You need to fucking look in the mirror.’ So at that point I lost my cool and I grabbed him by the neck and threw him to the ground. I jumped on top of him because at that point I wanted to beat his ass. Words were exchanged.”

Unfortunately, other Astro players intervened and broke up the choke session. Shawn has since been “suspended indefinitely.”

I have a newfound respect for every player on the Phillies during Wade’s eight-year tenure. It must’ve taken an incredible amount of restraint for that not to have happened here.

Astros suspend Chacon after altercation with GM Wade | Houston Chronicle

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