As of the last several weeks, the ‘Tard has stopped chasing the dragon. This gives him insight into how fucking stupid people are when they are high. Chan Ho Park, the insignificant offseason addition for the Phils, is creating a firestorm for local journalists. And by firestorm, I mean odd columns with Best Week Ever-style references. Failing economy !?! Whackity-schmakity doo!

“In 1998, he said, the South Korean economy was weak, and his countrymen looked forward to his starts. This week, economists estimated that the country’s economy could shrink by 5 to 8 percent this quarter. Park wants to do his part to provide relief again.”

The fuck?

“In 1998, they were happy watching my games every five days,” he said. “That’s why [starting] is very important. That’s why I’m still working hard, being here.”

The fuck? What the fuck? How is Chan Ho starting going to help your broke ass? How is some dude who has $60 in his bank account (i.e. HDYSR?) goin’ make ends meet cause some dude he knows pitched for the Phillies? That’s not gonna stop him from giving beejers on the streets of Paterson so he can pay his rent.

That ends the Ho Park article. But I couldn’t resist this part of the article:

“Take it from Chase Utley: Alex Rodriguez is in for a painful summer.”

Madonna’s crab and gonorrhea-infested twat will do that to you.

I’m just baffled, unaware what to make of this photo of Mets man-love between John Maine and [I think] Duaner Sanchez. It doesn’t look consensual to me…

Credit to commenter Tug Haines (easily in my Top 3 of commenters) for this bizarre photo.

Jimmy Rollins was on Daily News Live (Tuesday?) proclaiming the epic shittyness of the New York Metropolitians.

“The Phils are still the team to beat coming into the season even with the Mets off-season additions,” said Rollins.

Translation: Eat shit, David Wright. And what will the Phillies record be this year?

112 wins he told the panelists on Daily News Live.

That’s it? Let’s go for 120, 140, or just a perfect season altogether. Given that Adam Eaton isn’t with the team, why can’t us?

Vikki Blows’s lung pumpkins after the jump:

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If you’re anything like the writers of this fine website (technically, it’s super fine), you have an unhealthy obsession with Sarge “Gary” Matthews. Be it man-crush or lady boner, you would do anything for the Sarge. Some of us (me) have even revised his Wiki page.

Tomorrow (Thursday) at the Borders in Springfield, you, the Fightins’ reader have the privilege of being in the presence of Sarge Matthews. And who knows, maybe you can rub elbows (or the ‘Tard’s case get high and drink Everclear in his car while he lectures you why Amon Amarth is better than sex) with the writers of the Fightins.

I’ll be there, with fuckin’ bells on (Bells = ‘My Beat LA’ shirt). Meech will be there. Chamo, not so much; but don’t blame him, blame his pet monkey.

Here are the details:

Where: Borders, Springfield Square Shopping Center, 1001 Baltimore Pike, Springfield, PA, 19064

When : Thursday, December 18, 7:00 PM – Whenever the Sarge love ends

Who : Fuckin’ Sarge Matthews!! And Fightins staff. And Borders employees.

Why: FUCKIN’ SARGE MATTHEWS!!!!

What: FUCK. ING. SARGE. MATTHEWS.

Uggh, finals and drinking with a high school girl will really drain the energy from you. Also, Hennessy = BLAAAHHHH. Titties and picture of a young suave Sarge for Lynniemac after the jump:

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Sad news for all the So Taguchi fans. The horribleness that occupied left field with his shitty fielding and even shittier bat is gone. The Phils released the underachieving (i.e. shitty) outfielder Wednesday. But for those who liked players who could actually…you know, play…this is So fuckin’ awesome.

So Taguchi < Matt Holliday

Sal Fasano and Marlon Byrd had fan groups, and if my memory serves me right, So didn’t. That shows you how valuable he was.

Titties after the jump:

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From the crappy video department of the Fightins comes a brief video shot by the ‘Tard on his camera on Broad and Locust. Holy shit, that parade was awesome. Who gives a fuck that I had to wait five hours for a ten minute parade, that guy with the Mitch Williams sign kept pissing off my ladyfriend, I was sober, I had been up for over a day*, and some guy near me was peeing? World. Fucking. Champions.

CHARLIE! CHARLIE! CHARLIE! CHARLIE!

Also, titties after the jump.

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• Gonzo on October 1 Game Recap: Astros 5, Phillies 3
• Lynniemac on October 1 Game Recap: Astros 5, Phillies 3
• Gonzo on October 1 Game Recap: Astros 5, Phillies 3
• Lynniemac on October 1 Game Recap: Astros 5, Phillies 3
• Gonzo on October 1 Game Recap: Astros 5, Phillies 3