Posts Tagged ‘Cole Hamels’
Greatest Spring Training photo EVER:
and another, this time Cole’s headed upskirt:
Second pic: REUTERS Photo/Fred Thornhill via @BlueJayHunter again)
As of 9:22 yesterday morning, baseball season has arrived.
Thanks to the intrepid reporting of Milwaukee’s own Todd Zolecki, we have the first bit of evidence that baseball has arrived in Philadelphia, vis a vis Clearwater, Florida. It is the first such activity in Phillies baseball since Shane Victorino grounded out in early November, and brother, not a moment too soon.
Of course, it’s technically been baseball season in Philadelphia since December 16th, when Ruben Amaro pulled the trigger on two trades that are likely to define his place in Phillies history, when he sent Cliff Lee to Seattle in exchange for prospects, while bringing in Roy Halladay, whereupon he inked a tidy, team-friendly extension to keep him in Phillies pinstripes for the foreseeable future.
Since that day, it’s been three months of Christmas Eves. Nothing but anticipation and wonderment for what’s waiting on the other side of tomorrow.
Well, we can wait no more, folks, because tomorrow has arrived, and it is officially the start of spring training, as pitchers, catchers, and a handful of motivated position players arrive to start the magical ride known as baseball season.
From here, it’s a few short weeks until split squads and starts by guys we’ve never heard of, and before you know it, Doc will be taking the mound in Nationals Park on April 5th.
So allow me to kick start your 2010 season with a list that I like to call…THE SIX MOST IMPORTANT MEMBERS OF THE PHILLIES IN 2010.
If there is one thing that the last two seasons of Phillies baseball proved, it’s this: Dominance can be fleeting. For proof, look no further than Cole Hamels. He was one of the biggest reasons the Phillies won it all in 2008, and ironically, one of the biggest reasons they didn’t win it all in 2009.
He went into last season fresh off a career year, his second full s
eason in the majors, that saw him best opposing teams to the tune of a 3.09 ERA over 227.1 innings. Then October rolled around, and things really got going for the lefty. In five games, he went 4-0 with a 1.80 ERA en route to winning both the NLCS and World Series MVP awards, while leading the Phillies to their first title since 1980, thus completing his journey from coveted prospect to staff Ace.
We all know what happened next: The limelight, television appearances, cover stories, a new wife, a new condo, a poor off-season training program, an injury to start 2009, 12 earned runs in his first nine innings, a few good starts, a great start, some bad starts, a few more good starts, bad start, great start, bad start, bad start, playoffs and more bad starts, the questionable walk to Mark Teixiera, the even more questionable two-run tater to Alex Rodriguez, the curveball to Andy Pettitte, game over, Cole wanting it all to end. And it did.
And as spring training approaches, the question remains: Where does that leave Cole?
Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels was a guest at St. Maximillian Kolbe Elementary School in West Chester earlier this week to promote the daily consumption of dairy products. Cole, as you should know, is the spokesperson for the Mid-Atlantic Dairy Association’s “I Pitch For Dairy” campaign where he travels around the globe spreading thy good word of dairy.
Because if you ever want to be as strong-boned and ripped as Cole Diesel, it all starts with dairy.
Anyway, after a warm introduction from play-by-play man Tom McCarthy, Cole strutted into the school’s gymnasium ready to give his dairy spiel, and the way the pre-pubescent crowd reacted, you woulda thought he was one of those pale vampire actors from those shitty movies.
KA-RAZY video of his entrance, after the jump.
Less than a week after the Phillies lost to the Yankees in the 2009 World Series, Cole Hamels was back in New York City with his buddies James Gandolfini and and Ice-T for the WORLD GLOBAL DEBUT of the new Call of Duty game, Modern Warfare 2. While he was there, he decided to speak to a guy with a microphone and a video camera, and then that guy edited the clip together with other clips of people (some famous, some not) talking about the game and then uploaded it to YouTube which is where I found it. Now, I’m embedding it on this site.
¡THE INTERNET!
If you’re impatient, FF to the :30 second mark for your boy Cole:
“If I can’t beat ‘em on the field, then hopefully I can beat them [in Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 -- a video game].”
-Cole Hamels
What Went Wrong is a feature that may or may not be recurring because the collective mind rape of taking max credits and working a full time job will eventually cause the ‘Tard to implode into himself and forget about this.
If I’ve learned anything from my global travels and travails, it is that there are 2 things that everyone likes: spreadsheets *raises the roof for Excel* and titties. Everything on this plane of existence can be explained through nipples and correlation coefficients, so let me elaborate on why the WFC faltered to the cockgobbling Yankees.
Cole Hamels pitched like a total nutsac this season.Every cotdamn good start (very few of ‘em) would cause the John “rape me with a pitchfork” Clark and the 610 losers to slough off the epithelial layer of Cole’s aforementioned nutsac. They’d use this skin to cook their hobo chili and most fans would slurp it up like Tripp Eisen with a bucketful of 14 year old vaginal squirtings. Cole was extraordinarily inconsistent last year, a shutout followed by a 7 run outing. Terry Schiavo’s pussy could have been a less infuriating pitcher. But let me use pictures to explain, rather than those “words” that only old old people use these days. 2 generations of Titties and graphs after the jump:
Cole Hamels is back to endorsing, folks. And this time, he’s in video game form for the first person shooter game, Call of Duty, where he films a PSA to fight against grenade spam. Cause as everyone knows, if there’s one thing Cole Hamels can’t stand, its FAGS (Fight Against Grenade Spam).
Check out the potty mouthed version of video game Cole:
haha, I’m starting to think Cole Hamels will endorse ANYTHING.
When your life moves as fast as highfalutin pitcher Cole Hamels’ does, you expect your internet to keep up. That’s why Cole Hamels uses Comcast. This way, even when Cole is on the road (he must take his internet with him), he can watch crappy highlights of non-MLB games, rock out to the latest Good Charlotte album or whatever emo-sappy California music it is that Cole listens to, and reply to all those “WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME!?” e-mails from Heidi.
It’s COM-FUCKING-CASTIC!
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