Hip surgery…  HIP FUCKING SURGERY!

By way of Todd Zolecki’s “The Phillies Zone”

Chase Utley will have right hip surgery, and will miss the next four to six months.

The Phillies said in a news release that since the end of the World Series, Utley “has had several diagnostic studies in regards to right hip symptoms that he had during the 2008 season.” He has been evaluated by team physician Michael Ciccotti at the Rothman Institute at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital and Dr. Bryan Kelly at the Hospital for Special Surgery in New York.

The release said, “Based on the diagnostic studies and examinations, it has been recommended that Utley have surgery on his right hip, which is scheduled for next week. The procedure will be an arthroscopic evaluation with treatment of any labral or bony injury. The recovery will allow for the initiation of baseball activities between three and four months, however, the total recovery time may require four to six months.”

Four to six months means Utley could be back as early as the beginning of the season and as late as June.

Well, the Phillies just released Tadahito Iguchi, and [even though] Eric Bruntlett most likely won’t return is under team control for like 2 more years bro*…

Jason Donald it is! Who, might I add, tore the Arizona Fall League up this year.

Get well soon, Chase.

By popular demand, here are two different versions of the famous Chase Utley “World Fucking Champions” speech from Friday.  Apparently, you crazy kids want this for a ringtone or something, but please don’t ask me how to do it.  I’m not as teckmologically advanced as you might think.  The first link contains the crowd reaction and the second is a shorter 10-second clip.  If anyone would like to explain how you would go about making it a ringtone, please do so in the comments.

(Right-click, “Save Link As…”)

World Champions (with crowd reaction)

World Champions (10-second clip)

BONUS! If you’d like to download the video, sign up for a Vimeo account, go to this page, scroll to the bottom, and on the right-hand side of the page — click “Download AVI Version”

At the conclusion of today’s parade, the World Fucking Champion Philadelphia Phillies were introduced one-by-one to the raucous Citizens Bank Park faithful. One of the last players to step to the podium was the usually mild-mannered All-Star second baseman, Chase Utley…

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the greatest World Series speech in the history of sports. Kids, make sure to cover your ears. If you’re in the office, turn the volume down a smidgen.

WORLD. FUCKING. CHAMPIONS.

The following video contains two separate clips of newswomen from Philly TV stations getting the customary champagne dousing after the Phillies punched their ticket to the World Series last night. Up first, Jamie Apody is back for her second go-round. This time the Action News reporter gets sprayed from the bottle of Jayson Werth. Next, the lovely Leslie Gudel of Comcast SportsNet fame is drenched by Chase Utley. Observe:

Notice the different styles of saturation used by the two Phillies. Jayson Werth employs an aggressive, “take that!” approach, while Chase goes with the much more subdued slow pour.

Both completely different; both equally as effective.

Also see:

Jamie Apody Experiences The Joy of Champagne Celebrations
Ladies and Gentlemen, Jade McCarthy

Who’s ready for completely random shit that’s thrown together for no apparent reason?

Good. Here we go…

• Chase Utley used to be a violin-playing, parrot-toting kiddie-dork. Obviously, things done changed.

• Here’s the video of a potty-mouthed Greg Dobbs countering a teammates “Yeah!” with a more energized, “Fuck Yeah!!” I’m pretty sure Shane Vic gets in on the nationally televised cussing as well:

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I’m not saying tonight was a must-win, but tonight was a must-win.

Through 5½ innings, the game looked exactly like every other Cole Hamels start this year – give up a couple runs early, get a couple runners on base, strand the runners on base, work your way out of jams.  Honest to God, I saw it happen about 20 times this year.

But then the Phillies came up to bat in the bottom of the 6th…

Sensing that the sweaty mess of a pitcher on the mound for the Dodgers was about ready to give up a few runs, Shane Victorino stepped in the box and took three straight pitches (2 balls, 1 strike) before fouling one off to even the count at 2-2.  Then the speedy center fielder hit a chopper to shortstop and Rafael Furcal tried to hurry the exchange from his glove to throwing hand and wound up slinging the ball a few feet to the right of James Loney.  Loney was pulled off the bag, the ball riccoceted off his glove, and a split-second later, Shane was standing on 2nd base.

It was all reminiscent of the Game 1 win over the Brewers, when Rickie Weeks dropped a juggled toss from Bill Hall at first base opening the flood gates for the eventual 3-run double by Chase Utley.

So, the next batter Lowe faced after the err was again Chase Utley.  One heart-of-the-plate fastball later?

Shortly thereafter, Pat Burrell answered the age-old question: Man or Machine?

After that blast, the Dodgers wouldn’t threaten again. Lidge entered in the ninth — THE END.

But remember — Shane’s speed started everything.

SHAAAAAAAAAAANNEEE!!!!!

I’ve been sitting on this Chase Utley “interview” from the unlistenable Boomer & Carton show for a couple days debating if it was even worth a post.  After some soul-searching (I don’t even know what that means), I decided to embed the audio and let you, the reader, decide for yourselves.

As a little primer for the interview, here are some tid-bits of knowledge you should know:

• Chase Utley is probably the most boring interview ever.
• Boomer & Carton might be the worst sports morning show ever.
• Chase Utley was available for the interview to promote his new endorsement deal with Vaseline.
• Craig Carton used to be employed by 610 WIP, a popular AM sports talk channel on Philadelphia radio.
• While on-air, Craig Carton informed the listening audience that then-Flyer Eric Lindros missed a game because he was hungover from the night before.
• The Philadelphia Flyers disagreed, said he was hurt, then went ahead and sued 610 WIP.
• Craig Carton was fired.

Mmm kay, I think we’re all caught up here.  Let’s go to the tape!

Chase Utley on the Boomer & Carton Show - WFAN (9/15/08)

After the jump, more words…

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It hasn’t been fun for opposing catchers to play against the Phillies this year.

First, it was Eric Bruntlett concussing Yadier Molina back in June. Then, Shane Victorino took out Braves backstop Brian McCann in July during his famous “oh, no questions asked” game. Now, yesterday, it was Chase Utley’s turn to mow over a catcher and have him carted off the field in pain.

With 2 outs in the fifth inning and Ryan Howard at bat, Nats pitcher John Lannan tossed over to first to try and pickoff Jayson Werth. Chase Utley, standing on third, saw an opening to put another run on the board and broke for home…

Lookout, Jesus!

“That’s not old school, that’s good school,” Manuel said. “That’s the way you play the game unless you want to put some rouge and makeup and lipstick on.”

So, basically what he was trying to say was, that’s what you do unless you play for the Mets. (You see, because they wear makeup and lipstick)

Utley gives Phillies a crash course in leadership | Daily News

On aside, the Washington Nationals broadcast of a baseball game (from which I ripped the above video) is probably the most boring thing I’ve seen in my life. No wonder people don’t watch them on TV or listen on radio - it’s fucking snoozers. There was a beautifully ugly play that Lastings Milledge made in the fourth inning where he threw the ball straight into the ground after a Ryan Howard double. The fucking broadcast team doesn’t even mention it, let alone replay it.

Check out this clip from a Chase Utley “5 Questions” segment that originally aired on Comcast in late May. DNL Live host Michael Barkann asks Chase, “Which teammate is always late?”

After taking a second or two to think about it, Chase blurts out “Jimmy Rollins.”

I apologize in advance for the shitty quality of the video, but all you really need is the audio.

By now I’m sure you’re familiar with (and somewhat sick of) the media kerfuffle in the wake of Chase Utley’s live and profane response to the — let’s be honest, fucking douchebags — who booed him during his introduction at the Home Run Derby last night.

One can only imagine the reception he’ll get when he steps up to bat during the All-Star Game tonight. You stay classy, New York.

This story has been covered from every possible angle (just like your mom — sorry, that was too easy). For all you could ever need or want to know about this non-issue, I defer to those always-on-the-ball gentlemen over at The 700 Level (except for that slacker whatshisface… Camouflage Davis or some asshole name like that).

• Chamomiles Davis on Ka-Ching
• Bob on Ka-Ching
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