The Fightins'

Posts Tagged ‘Braves’

Jul
11
2011
Posted by Justin at 10:00 am ET 16 Comments

With a divisional rival in town, its only natural for the internet to turn into a festering Petri dish of insults.  Braves suck!  Phillies suck!  Bobby Cox hates women!  Charlie Manuel once killed and devoured a bull moose in front of a kindergarten class!

In response to such remarks, we often see our enemies and ourselves breach the topic of “class.”  Often times, the “classiness” of the other team’s fans is brought into question, just prior to an insult that questions the “classiness” of ourselves.  It is a neverending cycle with no end, and like a snake eating its own tale, we are doomed to choke to death if this keeps up.  But not on snake flesh.  On unpleasantness.

So we have compiled a short list of ways to install classiness in every baseball game, so that these intense rivalries become the vacant, lifeless sporting events they were intended to be.

And before you even say, “Hey, asshole.  What do you know about class?!”  maybe you should read my guide to Meeting a Lady at Citizens Bank Park.

Apology accepted.

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Jul
10
2011
Posted by Chris at 11:46 am ET 81 Comments

1:35PM on PHL17 and TBS

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Cole Hamels (10-4) 2.40 ERA

Derek Lowe (5-6) 4.21 ERA

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Jul
09
2011
Posted by Chris at 1:00 pm ET 55 Comments

4:10PM on FOX

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Cliff Lee (9-6) 2.92 ERA

Tommy Hanson (10-4) 2.52 ERA

Thanks to James Fayleez for the pitcher pics

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May
15
2011
Posted by Chris at 11:27 am ET 98 Comments

1:35PM on PHL17 and TBS

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Roy Halladay (5-2) 2.05 ERA

PHILLIES: Four score and seven years ago we wouldn’t had to pray for this team to score four runs. Luckily, God is pitching today.

Tim Hudson (4-3) 3.09 ERA

BRAVES: I’m not even going to go through the whole no hit thing again because yesterday what I said actually happened. So how about the Phillies score 3 runs off him and Halladay throws a shutout? Cool? Cool.

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May
14
2011
Posted by Chris at 12:28 pm ET 130 Comments

1:10PM on CSN

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Joe Blanton (1-1) 5.83 ERA

PHILLIES: Big Baby Blanton apparently has a “cranky elbow” but is well enough to pitch. I don’t know, he’s bad then he’s good then he’s bad again. I have no idea how he is going to pitch. Then again, I never really have any idea about any pitcher and just make ridiculous assumptions. So, Phillies win. Blanton doesn’t give up a run.

Jair Jurrjens (4-0) 1.50 ERA

BRAVES: Ughhhhh time for another 5 innings of no hit baseball. Ultimately I guess we’ll be thankful for 1 run over 7 innings. Even though he really isn’t particularly good.

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May
13
2011
Posted by Ryan at 4:39 pm ET 229 Comments

7:35 PM on PHL17

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Cole Hamels

( 4-2, 2.83 ERA)

PHILLIES: Cole has faced the Braves twice this season coming into this matchup. He’s split the two games, drawing the loss last week when the Braves were in Philly, but earning the W in Atlanta on April 10th when he pitched seven shutout innings. Whenever you see him with a beard or goatee, that’s actually Joel Hamels, Cole’s evil twin.

Brandon Beachy

(1-1, 2.98 ERA)

BRAVES: Remember that show on FX called “Son of the Beach”? It was awful, but because it was produced by Howard Stern, there was tons of T&A so it was actually kind of awesome. Brandon Beachy is kind of like that show, minus the awesome parts. Basically, I’m saying that Brandon Beachy sucks.

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May
08
2011
Posted by Chris at 3:39 pm ET 343 Comments

8:00PM on ESPN

PITHING MATCHUP:

Cole Hamels (4-1) 2.66 ERA

PHILLIES: Cole Hamels has been amazing since his bad first start of the year, going 4-0 in those starts. He has owned the Braves in the past and I expect him to do the same tonight. I’m sure FanSince09 disagrees.

Jair Jurrjens (3-0) 1.52 ERA

BRAVES: Jurrjens always inexplicably owns the Phillies and it drives me to the point of insanity. So to cope with that insanity I’ll be getting drunk before/at the game. Cheers.

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May
07
2011
Posted by Chris at 4:15 pm ET 219 Comments

7:05PM on PHL17

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Kyle Kendrick (1-2) 2.08 ERA

PHILLIES: Of course he is pitching when I’m going to the game. Tonight he’ll probably put on lip stick instead of chap stick so he can look pretty while the Braves pound him.

Julio Teheran (0-0) -.– ERA

BRAVES: He’s a rookie that was ranked by MLB.com as the second best right handed pitching prospect. He had a 1.80 ERA in AAA so far this year. He’s bound to no hit us through at least 6 innings. Sorry I’m being so pissy. It’s because I’m going to the game and Kendrick is pitching. It’s like going on vacation for the weekend and you pick the one weekend it rains the entire time.

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May
06
2011
Posted by Ryan at 5:24 pm ET 219 Comments

7:05 PM on TCN and MLB Network


Pitching Matchup:

Derek Lowe (2-3, 3.72 ERA, 0.12 BAC)

BRAVES: “Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit.. I need a breath mint. Where’s… (shuffles through pockets, glove box)… Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, I am in so much fucking trouble. Oh, uh… Hi there, offisher. What, uh… what seems to be the trouble?”

Officer Clifton P. Lee (2-2, 3.66 ERA)

PHILLIES: “Sir, I observed you driving recklessly, swerving, and racing another car down a busy city street. I also detect a strong odor of alcohol on your breath. I’m going to need you to step out of the car, sir. Now.”


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Oct
03
2010
Posted by Chris at 1:04 pm ET 166 Comments

1:35PM on MyPHL17

Cole Oswalt vs Tim Hudson

While the Phillies continue to grab tits, the Braves will be grabbing nothing but Cox today, embracing him as he exits Major League Baseball in an embarrassing fashion.

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