Brad Lidge delivering strike three, or a ground ball, or fly ball, or out of some kind of out to win the Phillies back to back World Series or…

Ryan Madson is on the mound when IF the Phillies repeat as World F’n Champions. Or would you vote other? Madson seems to be favored currently but I think we all know Charlie is going to sneak Lidge into an appearance, and if he doesn’t blow it he would probably be used again. So Lidge, Madson, or other?

The Phillies were up 6-5 going into the bottom of the ninth inning tonight in Miami. Enter Brad Lidge.

Double by Ross Gload. (Screaming) Line out to right by Chris Coghlan, Gload advances to 3rd. John Baker strikes out on a called third strike where the ball was about a half-a-foot off the plate. Hanley Ramirez walks. Jorge Cantu singles to center, Gload scores, blown save Lidge. Pinch hitter Brett Carroll singles to center, Ramirez scores, game over.

Brad Lidge and his stupid face fall to 0-8 on the season with 11th blown saves.

Go away, Brad Lidge.

Whew! For a second there I thought it was Brad Lidge who has the worst ERA and most blown saves of any reliever in the majors. Had I known that this was all this was the path God wanted him to be on, which surely leads to Lidge returning to 2008 form in the playoffs (unless God is mean!), I wouldn’t have been so harsh on the guy.

Wait, I’m sorry, let me stop there. I really don’t mean to shit on anyone’s religion. I’m a Catholic myself, who spent an expensive four years at the largest Catholic school in Philadelphia, and I gotta be honest — I don’t have one single complaint with my education, the school, or the religion…

…oh, except for the part where my principal — who was an ordained Franciscan friar — stole hundreds of thousands from the archdiocese all while feeding a depressed kid who obviously needed help all the coke and alcohol he could handle in exchange for sexual favors. Until the kid couldn’t take it anymore and committed suicide.

But enough about me, I’ll leave you with this inspirational quote from the Bible or something:

“If you have the faith of a mustard seed, you can say to a mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will do so.” — Matthew 17:20

MOVE FROM HERE TO THERE!

By now I’m sure everyone is well-aware that the Brad Lidge of 2008 is dead and gone, so we’re stuck with the worst relief pitcher in the majors (statistically) who has an easier time hitting batters than he does the strike zone.  And now with the season winding down, the Phillies are left in the unenviable position where they could either keep feeding him to the wolves (the wolves being men with bats) and pray to the baseball gods that he remembers how to locate his pitches, or give him the ol’ heave-ho now and head into the stretch run using Madson, Myers, or whomever else they feel fit to close out games.  Personally, I’d just tell Myers that him and his garish red glove should start getting mentally ready to close games and leave Madson to take care of the eighth, but Charlie Manuel is still mulling over his options.

So, Charlie, what is it today?  Is Lidge the closer or what?  via The Zo Zone:

“I don’t see us using him in the seventh or eighth inning,” Manuel said. “I look at him as a closer. That’s kind of where he fits. I see him pitching once he needs work. If we’re behind in the game or we’re ahead or something by a good margin we’ll get him to make sure he pitches live in the game and things. That’s kind of how I look at it.”

Okay, to summarize:  Charlie looks at Brad as a closer (although in the above photo he looks at Brad like the guy who is trying to fuck up a game vs. the Nationals), but he “needs work” (no better time for that than right before the playoffs, I say!) and he wants to see him “pitch live in the game and things.”  Ughck.

It appears to me that Charlie is a little too loyal.  Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but c’mon Chuck, the guy just isn’t mentally right anymore.

In related news, perhaps my favorite Tweet of the year, also courtesy of @ToddZolecki, is this gem:

I then asked Todd what his definition of a “low stress situation” would be, but the best response actually came from my boy @mattp700level, who wrote:

Brilliant.

Bradley Thomas Lidge’s career as a closer for the Philadelphia Phillies came to an abrupt end in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania on August 25, 2009, when rookie centerfielder Andrew McCutchen hit a 2-run homer to dead center field to give the Pirates a 6-4 win. He was just 32 years young and coming off a year in which he lead the Phillies past the Tampa Bay Rays for their first World Series win in 28 years. That magical year of 2008, Brad didn’t blow one save, and wound up going a perfect 48-for-48 when given the opportunity to finish a game with the lead. Unfortunately, 2009 was a different story, and by the end of his closing life, Brad led the major leagues with nine blown saves. NINE.

Brad is survived by that picture of him on his knees after striking out Eric Hinske in Game 5b of the World Series, that crappy bobblehead they gave out last week, and the $23 million the Phillies owe him over the next two years. He will be missed in the ninth inning. Memorial services will be held in the sixth or seventh inning of games when the Phillies need a situational reliever to come in against a right handed batter.

It was a good run, Brad, but we got a title to defend and you can no longer be trusted to close out games.

Tuesday night, the Phillies and Cubs were tied at 1 in the top of the 9th, when Lidge took the mound. Things started out great, with Brad forcing Derrek Lee into a 1-3 groundout.

Then things started to take a Lidge-like turn when he plunked the very next batter he faced, putting Aramis Ramirez on first with Fukudome coming up to bat.

What happened next has to be seen to be believed. Fukudome smacked a hard grounder right back at the mound and Lidge brought his front foot up for a kick save, redirecting it to Young James, standing on second with an open glove, who fired it to Howard for an inning-ending double play in a startling display of right-place-right-time luck.

Ramirez was running on the pitch and yet both runners were still beaten by at least 3 steps each.

Anyway, here’s the enhanced and annotated .GIF:

The other angle after the jump:

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Since returning from the DL a week and a half ago, Phillies closer Brad Lidge hasn’t had many opportunities to close out games. His first appearance last Friday against the Blue Jays went horribly wrong (in a non-save situation), then on Sunday he came in to close it and got some help escaping that inning courtesy of the horrendous baserunning of Toronto’s John McDonald.

Finally, after a six-day hiatus from game action, Brad Lidge emerged the bullpen against the Metros yesterday with a sharp 96-mph fastball while sporting the beginning stage of a bad-ass beard for his first 1-2-3 inning in what seems like years. Needless to say, Grizzly Lidge was pumped.

Photo: Ron Cortes/The Inquirer

With all the sucking the Phillies have been doing lately, it’s kinda hard to pinpoint one sucky player as the reason for their recent downfall. Jimmy Rollins is 0-for-his last 27 with four walks since the 19th of June, Ryan Howard has just one home run in his last 15 games, Pedro Feliz had himself a nice 1-for-23 streak going on up until this week — and that’s not even mentioning any of the shiteous outings from our pitching staff during that time.

Well, all but one. The guy 95% of Philadelphians were ready to anoint as the new closer as soon as Brad Lidge started fucking up, Ryan Madson.

For some reason, ever since our eighth inning specialist was handed the closer’s role after Lidge landed on the DL with a “bum knee”, Ryan Madson been getting knocked around the park like he has “#57 Taschner” on the back of his jersey.

Check out his line since he blew a save against Toronto on June 16th (and I swear to God if any of you fucks talk about a small sample size, I’m gonna track you down by your IP address and punch you in the neck):

6 games, 0-2 record, an NL leading 3 blown saves (in six appearances!), 7.94 ERA, and a little over three baserunners allowed PER INNING. Meanwhile, opponents are batting .346 against him with a .485 OBP, .731 SLG%, and an insane 1.216 OPS.

The question remains though — WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

There are plenty of theories floating around, but if you ask me, Madson has to stop relying on his fastball so much — ESPECIALLY that cutter that hasn’t been cutting since the first month of the season — and get back to throwing the pitch that got him a spot on a major league roster to begin with, that beautiful changeup of his.  I mean, you have a pitch in your arsenal that was the most swung at and missed pitch (percentage-wise) out of any major league pitcher in 2008, and instead of putting hitters away with it, you choose to throw that flat fastball over the middle of the plate to say, a Brian Roberts (hypothetically, of course) with 2 outs and a runner on base while you’re up a run in the bottom of the ninth.

As a matter of fact, I’m sure that’s the reason.

Take a look at this little statistical nugget dug up by Jayson Stark courtesy of those pitch-tracking geeks over at Inside Edge:

Ryan Madson hasn’t gotten a single swing-and-miss on his fastball since Lidge was placed on the DL.

Read that again.  NOT ONE. That’s kinda pathetic.

So Ryan, pretty please, with a fucking cherry on top, start throwing more changeups and stop throwing so many cot damn fastballs.

Your pal,
meechie

While it may not be an appealing phrase, rhyme-wise, (just like how Lidge’s entrance isn’t appealing, musically) many people are suggesting that Madson be moved to closer duty, given Lidge’s recent suckiness on the mound. While the numbers may suggest this is an improvement, Mad Dog closing move could also totally fuck up the bullpen and leave a shitstorm after the 7th inning.

History tells us that Madson does not adjust well to new roles. I was one of the overly optimistic fools that believed Mad Dog would flourish as a starter. The man was a cotdamn monster when he first came up from the farm system! But whence he was designated a starter in ‘06, he stank more than a Amy Winehouse-Courtney Love scissor session. Logically, one would believe that the adjustment fucked him up. Motherfucker forgot how to pitch after becoming so comfortable as a mid to late relief man. That is what’s worrisome about the thought of him closing.

As the moving picture box has told us lately, professional athletes are total pussies. Errr, I mean professional athletes suffer from anxiety and sociological problems. Some deal with it by taking anxiety medication, others choose to light farm hands on fire and machete the fuck outta them. Lidge being moved from a closer’s spot could affect the man some believe to have his fragile moments. So moving Madson to closer would most likely make Lidge the setup man. This can go one of two ways 1.) Madson is a successful closer, and Lidge is a decent setup man, or 2.) Madson shits himself again in a new role, Lidge cannot deal with the demotion, making the bullpen totally fucked.

While 6 blown saves are pretty sucky, I’m not sure if this is a risk you want to take. Madson could work as a closer, but I doubt B-Lidge would be a successful setup brah. If only the Phillies had another infielder with an oddly shaped head they could trade for a homicidal middle reliever…

Nipple holders after the jump:

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It’s the beginning of a brand new baseball season, folks. And you know what a brand new baseball season means, right? Yup, you guessed it — A PLETHORA OF LOCAL TV SPOTS FEATURING PHILLIES PLAYERS!

First up is Brad Lidge, who is currently in his second season with the Phillies and Woodbury Nissan, to tell you all about the fine deals going on with their Altimas and Rouges. In what would normally cost you $20K+ at some other non-Phillies endorsed Nissan dealership, you can get at Woodbury for the low, low price of $16,954. Now that’s what I call Championship Savings!

And if you act now, Woodbury will thrown in a FREE Brad Lidge autographed baseball (SRP $115) with every purchase of a new car. Sounds like a steal to me!

/cue exploding special effects and firework sounds

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