The greatest interviewer in the business, Dave Brown of Yahoo!’s Big League Stew, spent a little QT with everyone’s favorite bearded rightfielder the other day in Clearwater. The entire interview is classic, but the part that fascinated me was when Dave had the GALL to ask Jayson if he could touch his beard:

Did Dave Brown get to touch the Beard?  Find out, only on The Stew.

Answer Man: Jayson Werth talks heritage, MMA and the beard | Big League Stew

When I got word that my boy Dave Brown (of Yahoo! Sports fame, not the former Flyers brawler) was headed down to Clearwater yesterday to mingle with the Philadelphia Phillies at Spring Training, I had two simple requests:  touch Jayson Werth’s beard, and find out what number Domonic Brown wants to wear when he finally makes the big league squad.

The first request was because I wanted him to go down in history as the first person (on record) to get to touch the glorious patch of hair that has been growing on Mr. Werth’s face since the end of last season, but the second — the Dom Brown number thing — was purely selfish.

You see, a little over a month ago, I got the bright idea that I wanted to be the first human being (before Domonic Brown, even) to have a Phillies jersey displaying the name and number of my favorite phenom with the sweetest of left-handed strokes.

So I went to Phillies.com and ordered my customized #3 Domonic Brown batting practice jersey.

Since then, besides getting a bunch of “who the hell is Brown 3?”, I’ve been concerned that perhaps I got the wrong number on the back and my fairly expensive jersey would be rendered obsolete once he made the majors and picked a different digit.

But then Dave Brown came through and made me feel better about my purchase:

Come the time for him to play in the majors, Brown says he would choose to wear No. 3 if available. It’s Brown’s favorite number because he was born on the third day of September.

Right now, Ross Gload wears No. 3 for the Phillies. If he or another player is blocking Brown come the time he reaches the majors and bribery won’t work for a switch, Brown could go for No. 24 or No. 30 — numbers worn by his favorite player as a kid, Ken Griffey Jr.

Whew!

But that ain’t the only thing Dave Brown found out, folks.  Head over to read his Dom Brown report from Clearwater to check out the rest, including Charlie Manuel mistaking (mispronouncing?) Domonic for The Human Highlight Film.

You must check it out, even though he still won’t tell me whether or not he got to touch Werth’s beard.

Name and number, please: Phillies’ Brown just happy to be here | Big League Stew
(Photo via Rants, Raves, and Random Thoughts)

I had the pleasure of taking the Phillies portion of BLS’s 2009 Postseason Entrance Exam where a blogger from each playoff team answers a series of essay questions regarding their particular World Series champion contender.  I made it a little more broad considering the national appeal of the Yahoo exclamation point, so pardon me if the answers are a little obvious to you, but you’re supposed to know all that shit; I’m trying to school these fools who don’t pay attention.

And I’d like to give a hearty thanks to stat wunderkind Bill Baer from Crashburn Alley for the assist on the numbers.

BLS postseason entrance exam: Philadelphia Phillies | Big League Stew

When you’re done with that, check out the “10 numbers” Phils/Rox article and relive the Phillies-Rockies postseason chat with Gordon Edes.  Both good reads.

See for yourselves, click to enlarge.

Check out the replay of the live chat, including a question about Spam Musabi by Enrico of The 700 Level, over at Big League Stew. Shout out to ‘Duk for being kind enough to submit that to Shane.

BLS Live Blog: A chat with Philadelphia’s Shane Victorino | Big League Stew

Oh yeah, I almost forgot –

And so you know that I, too, am doing all I can to get the Flyin’ Hawaiian to St. Louis, check out my utterly boring YouTube clip that I filmed last night, ATJ.

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This afternoon, two of my favorite things converge as Yahoo!’s own ‘Duk hosts a Big League Stew live chat at 1 o’clock ET featuring Phillies centerfielder and potential All-Star, Shane Victorino. So take the next few hours to come up with your most intelligent, well thought-out questions in hopes of Mr. Kaduk passing it along to Shane only to have him reply “no questions asked.” Which, by the way, would be the greatest live chat with a baseball player in the history of live chats, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Victorino’s speaking affects won’t translate over to his typing.

Seriously though, think of a few doozys that I can highlight and make entire blog posts over here later. You know, like, “OMG, have you talked to the Gosselins?!” or “Where do you get all of your Affliction t-shirts?”

See you over on the Stew at 1:00.

Shane Victorino Live Chat | Big League Stew

As a credit to my journalistic integrity (journalistic integrity = yelling at everyone, often in obscenity-laden rants), I have to call out one of the brahs of the Fightins on somethin’. As pointed out by commenter Leann, ‘Duk of Big League Stew recently chastised Phillies fans for booing perennial asshat Adam Eaton.

Adam Eaton is a fuck. Adam Eaton is worthless. Adam Eaton is useless. Adam Eaton makes me so mad I only type in short sentences. To misquote Slayer: “[Eaton] is hate, [Eaton] is fear, [Eaton] is war. [Eaton] is rape, [Eaton's] obscure, [Eaton's] a whore”.

From ‘Duk’s column:

And, over time, they’ve made so many cases about why it was OK to throw snowballs at Santa Claus

Stop right there. The old ’snowballs at Santa’ is the equivalent of the ‘Hitler was an atheist’ argument. It’s a fallacy that has spread over time and has little support. It’s not entirely true, it’s at best a situation taken out of context. No educated person should lower themselves to using the hackneyed attention grabbers of ESPN. But back to the real issue.

There is no defense of Eaton. He made almost no positive contribution to the team. Geoff Geory and Michael Bourn made a bigger contribution to the Phillies’ success last year. Matt Stairs, with his one moment in the NLCS, made a bigger impact than Eaton. Eaton had literally no role in the postseason success of the Phillies.

Is it right to boo him? Fuck yes. It is only wrong in the sense that all booing can be philosophically stated as wrong, but as you fair readers know, I don’t give a fuck about my fellow citizen. I don’t give a shit about my team’s players and no one truly does. I’m not a romantic, and I’m not saying that you have to adopt my beliefs, but never tell me that you care about the emotions of some random person for the 4-5 years they were a part of your major league roster.

Not to rag on you ‘Duk but Adam Eaton is a worthless piece of shit and a shame to the Phillies logo.

Check out them British funbags after the jump:

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Big League Stew’s in-house Q&A expert, David Brown, has landed my dream interviewee for his latest segment of Answer Man –  Mr. NQA himself, Shane Victorino.

Do yourself a favor and hurry over there to read the whole thing.  It’s lengthy, but it’s jam packed with entertaining nuggets.  Believe it or not, Phillies hopeful Marcus Giles almost stole the show from our fast-talking Hawaiian centerfielder.  He even dropped a fucking Stripes reference!  Here’s a preview:

David Brown: How long would it take to swim from Waikiki Beach to Penn’s Landing?

Shane Victorino: I don’t think I’d make it.

DB: If the NL East were settled by a surfing contest instead of baseball, could you carry the Phillies?

SV: Oh, no questions asked. [Ed Note: BINGO!] I don’t know how to surf; I’ll figure it out, though.

DB: You don’t surf?

SV: I got some ocean behind me but surfing, nah, I don’t surf.

DB: How come you’ve never been on a board?

SV: Because I play my sports on land.

Marcus Giles: I surf and rarely wear underwear.

DB: (Nice “Stripes” reference) Is that a fact, Jack? But you’re not from Hawaii.

MG: I’m from San Diego!

SV: (Simultaneously) He’s from San Diego. Next closest thing to surfing in Hawaii.

Here’s *my* favorite part:

DB: When are you going to run into a fence face-first like Aaron Rowand?

SV: When? Opening day, if I have to.

I fucking love this guy.

Answer Man: Shane Victorino talks Maui, Oprah, plus Jon & Kate | Big League Stew

Mr. Kaduk from Yahoo!’s incredible Big League Stew recently asked me if I would participate in his “25 Random Baseball Things” series that he’s running with some BLS writers and other baseball bloggers.

I obliged, and I hope you’ll take a few minutes out of your day to read it.

BLS 25 Random Baseball Things: Meech of The Fightins’ | Big League Stew

Since the last time The Fightins’ were featured on Yahoo! went so well, ‘Duk asked if I’d return to write a preview of sorts for the Phillies/Brewers series. While I’m not exactly what you would call “confident” about our chances of making the postseason, I sure as hell ain’t giving up now. A nice 4-game brooming of the fellas from Milwaukee and we’re right back in this fucking thing. Get some confidence, stupid.

So check it out — if not for the written word, then for the picture of ballgirl Justine. You won’t be disappointed.

Against visiting Crew, it’s now or never for the fightin’ Phils | Big League Stew

Cole Hamels took a break from his busy schedule last week to experience the fantastic interview stylings of David Brown from Yahoo!’s Big League Stew.  For some reason, I forgot to link to it when it was published, so you’re getting it now.  It’s kind of fitting anyway, being that Big League Stew is run mostly by Cubs fans and tonight they get to feel the wrath of Cole in their home stadium.  I demand you go there yourself, but to whet your appetite, here’s a sampling:

Q: Has Cole Hamels ever smoked a whole pack of Camels?

CH: No. I think I smoked one cigarette in my life and I hated every minute of it. I’m glad I tried it, and I think it’s definitely something that’s not for me.

–

Q: In the Vet they had a court and jail underneath the stadium for the rowdiest of fans; which one of your teammates would be most likely to be arrested for doing something bad at an Eagles game?

CH: Shane Victorino, especially if he doesn’t take his ADD medicine. He can’t be quiet. He’s disappeared for the moment, but if he were in this locker room, you’d hear him saying something.

And that ain’t all.  Hollywood talks Steve Carlton, Donovan McNabb, cheesesteaks, the constitution, and there’s even a cameo by Ryan Howard.

Seriously, go there.  It’s like the second-best Hamels interview I ever read.  (A smidgen behind this one conducted by some strapping young blogger from Philadelphia)

Answer Man: Cole Hamels talks pink apes, Survivor, money | Big League Stew

• The Killer Zs on “Jayson Werth and his Beard will circle the bases.”
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• Rhymeface on “Jayson Werth and his Beard will circle the bases.”
• Shawn on “Jayson Werth and his Beard will circle the bases.”
• Echo on Joe Girardi has no idea where Charlie Manuel’s hands have been