By far the funniest story this weekend (or most pathetic, depending on your moral stance) was the outing of Ryan Ward, a Jersey shore resident who spent his entire summer banging unsuspecting women who were under the impression that he was actually Yankee pitcher Joba Chamberlain.   Although it sounds like a blast, there is apparently some crime called “criminal simulation” that Ryan committed.   With the possibility of jail time looming, he turned to The Howard Stern Show in search of a certain bloated attorney (mayday!) who may be able to help out.  Besides rehashing everything from Saturday’s story in the New York Post (including the part where he bedded between 60-100 women), Fake Joba also relays some new information including:

• Fake Joba is actually a Phillies fan born in Wilmington, DE.

• Fake Joba is going to have a face-to-face meeting with Real Joba on Friday at Yankee Stadium.  Not surprisingly, the New York Post put this together for a follow-up piece.

• Fake Joba used to be married to the daughter of Debbie McIntyre.  Debbie McIntyre was the mistress of Wilmington lawyer Thomas Capano.  Thomas Capano, if you recall, murdered Anne Marie Fahey in 1996.  The gun he killed her with was purchased by Ms. McIntyre.  Sound confusing?  Good.

• Fake Joba was the High School baseball teammate of current Toronto Blue Jay and owner of an Eagles tattoo, Kevin Mench.

• Fake Joba is “probably” facing jail time, but “really doesn’t care.”

Below, I’ve embedded the audio from the show so you, too, can hear how shady this guy is.  He talks about his Joba-induced conquests in a bragging tone, and shows absolutely zero remorse for anything he did.  It’s quite comical, actually.

The clip is actually three different clips edited together.  The first is the discussion when they find out the Fake Joba is in the building, the second is when Ba Ba Booey can’t find him, and the third is when he finally makes it into the studio.  Enjoy:

Audio: Fake Joba on Howard Stern [explicit language]

Also see:
Summer of Scam | New York Post
The true life story of the Jersey Shore’s fake Joba Chamberlain | Big League Stew

One thing I have in common with Stern show sidekick Artie Lange (besides the gambling and heroin addictions) is our deep-seated hatred of all things Mets. Well, I was just listening to the replay of The Howard Stern Show from this morning and had to pass along a funny back-and-forth between Artie Lange and today’s guest, Jerry O’Connell.

Like so many conversations on the Stern show, Howard was asking Jerry O’Connell about his porn viewing habits. Now, just in case you aren’t hip to the celebrity gossip scene, Jerry is married to Rebecca Romijn, who is currently pregnant with twins. Because of that, the former Stand By Me fatty said he hasn’t been getting much sex from his wife lately and has turned to porno to quench his sexual needs. (I apologize if this is getting weird, but trust me, it relates to the joke.)

So, anyway, Jerry was explaining his particular porno fetish; which happens to be zoomed-in, up close shots of the woman’s vagina. That’s when Artie chimed in with the hopes of helping Mr. O’Connell out. He goes:

“You know there used to be a magazine called Assholes & Pussies? All it showed was close-ups of assholes and pussies.”

Jerry seemed intrigued, but then Artie continued,

“Well… it was actually about the Mets.”

OH SNAP! I’m almost positive that was a BUURRRN.

(I cannot wait for tomorrow)

UPDATE: The audio wizards over at Philly SportsCast have the snippet.

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