A rough translation of what he said, for all you monolingual cats out there:

Hello, my name is Antonio Alfonseco. I’m here with Hugo at the barbershop, the best barber shop there is.

BOOM. There you have it.

Judging by the picture from the Captain Morgan sponsored All-Star party last night, Chase Utley seems to be having himself a nice time in St. Louis so far. Is that a smile on his face? Holy shit!

For the original “Captain” of the Phillies… JUMP!

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OOOOOOOooohhhh, baby!

You see that large mound of flesh up there about to toss a slider past some unsuspecting schlub?

Yeah, that’s Antonio Alfonseca.  “El Pulpo” for short.  And now, the ex-Phillies reliever and cuddliest man in the history of the majors is making a comeback with the Lancaster Barnstormers of the (independant) Atlantic League.

Here’s the press release to prove it:

Former Major League pitchers Antonio Alfonseca and [some other guy] have been signed by the Lancaster Barnstormers and will join the team for [last] weekend’s four-game road series in Southern Maryland, it was announced [on the 24th of June.]

And that press release wasn’t lying.  On Saturday night, Alfonseca started off his Atlantic League career by going two-thirds of an inning giving up a single and an UNEARNED run while striking out one in the Barnstormers 8-0 loss to some other independent team that definitely doesn’t have a six-fingered pitcher on their roster.

Then last night, in his first real test since joining the squad and his debut at Clipper Stadium (home of your ‘Stormers), Tony entered in the ninth inning of a tie game, and proceeded to set down six in a row — 4 by way of groundout, 1 flyout, and a K.

That kept the Barnstormers in the game long enough so they could win in the most improbable of ways — on a walkoff wild pitch courtesy of Tip Fairchild in the bottom of the twelfth as he was TRYING TO INTENTIONALLY WALK A GUY.   That’s the power of ‘Seca.

Good luck, Antonio.  We’ll be occasionally monitoring your progress and rooting you in.

After the jump, you can find some Bigfoot-like evidence of his first game with the ‘Stormers.

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And I ain’t talking ’bout their seductive good looks or curvaceous bodies.

Find out… ATJ

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In his recent mailbag column, Ken Mandel of Phillies.com fame received a rather innocuous e-mail from an inquisitive fellow named Chris P. (Chicken?) concerning the availability of my blogging muse, one Antonio Alfonseca:

What is the news on Antonio Alfonseca? He was great last year, and could help this year down the stretch.
– Chris P., Harrisburg, Pa.

Antonio Alfonseca? Are you speaking of the pitcher who posted a 5.44 ERA and allowed 93 baserunners in 49 2/3 innings (61 games) last season? To be fair, Alfonseca compiled eight saves and a 2.12 ERA from May 26 to July 24, when serving as closer. That said, he still allowed opponents to bat .300 off him. No one should expect to see Alfonseca pitching for the Phillies this season.

First off, Ken — watch what you say about ‘Seca, i-ight? You came awfully close to crossing the line there; DON’T let it happen again. Secondly, Ken, may I remind you of that one month stretch in 2007 when, due to injuries, he was forced back into the closer’s role and had a 0.00 ERA? I remember it, because it SAVED OUR EFFING SEASON.

Antonio is more than welcome to pitch for the Phillies anytime he damn-well pleases. Thank you.

Mailbag: Way out in left field? | Phillies.com

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