The Fightins'

Posts Tagged ‘Adam Eaton’

Posted by Chris at 11:00 am ET 22 Comments

No, not that Eaton. You might remember hearing the uproar about Romero hitting some guy outside of Tropicana Field after a game last year. The guy claimed Romero punched him in the neck after he heckled Romero about his steroid suspension. Basically the guy is a dick and now wants to get paid for being a douche so he is suing Romero:

Robert Eaton, 26, of New Port Richey, has filed a lawsuit in Pinellas County, claiming that Romero caused him serious and permanent injury on June 25, 2009, according to a report in the St. Petersburg Times.

Romero denied these accusation when they first arose and probably will continue to do so. I think we all remember the shocking 911 call recording that was recovered by us here at The Fightins. Eaton is seeking $15,000 in damages and, from the realm of shit you don’t care about, he recently failed to become a firefighter because he couldn’t pass a physical.

Romero being sued for alleged altercation l The Phillies Zone

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Posted by at 2:04 pm ET 27 Comments

You’d think being cut from a World Series winning team (in which you didn’t contribute to at all) with $8 million+ left on your contract and then getting booooooo’d when you return to that city to collect your ring (of which you don’t deserve) would humble a guy like Adam Eaton.

Well think again, pal, Adam Eaton and his shitty fastball are as delusional as ever.

Eaton is 0-2 this year, but his struggles go back much further than that. Including last season, when he pitched for the Philadelphia Phillies, Eaton has gone five straight starts without a quality start and four straight without making it through more than four innings.

“This is a new year,” he said. “That’s last year, and if you guys want to talk about last year, I also won a World Series … but that’s not here nor there. I’m a Baltimore Oriole now. That’s where our concerns lie. I like what we have here. I need to obviously step up and throw the way I’m capable of throwing. We’ll see what we do next outing.”

[...] Eaton allowed nine hits and walked two and was tormented by Kevin Youkilis, who hit a three-run homer in the third inning and an RBI single in the fourth that gave the Red Sox a 6-0 lead. Youkilis finished the game 4-for-5 with four RBIs.

Eaton’s line after two starts is 10 earned runs (11.25 ERA), 17 hits, six walks and 193 pitches thrown over eight innings.

“Obviously, the results weren’t good,” he said. “We’ve got some things to work on.”

First off, who is this “we” he’s talking about? “We’ll see what we do.” “We‘ve got some things to work on.”

It’s YOU that sucks, Adam. Don’t try and drag some imaginary people into your convoluted way of thinking.  But the best line, conveniently bolded by yours truly, was the one where he goes, “*I* won a World Series.” He should put that shit on his tombstone.

Starting to look familiar: Eaton latest to falter | Baltimore Sun

Posted by at 10:48 am ET 27 Comments

Here’s that footage of Adam Eaton collecting his prize for not doing a damn thing for the Phillies in 2008 that got people who probably shouldn’t have internet access all worked up yesterday. I, personally, probably wouldn’t have booed the guy if I were in attendance yesterday. But not because I thought he was a useful part of the Phillies or anything — he’s just insignificant in my world. Not worthy of any display of emotion.

In other words, to paraphrase the great Chris Rock, “I ain’t sayin they shoulda booed him. But I understand.

Posted by How do you spell retard? at 11:21 pm ET 44 Comments

Future TurdAs a credit to my journalistic integrity (journalistic integrity = yelling at everyone, often in obscenity-laden rants), I have to call out one of the brahs of the Fightins on somethin’. As pointed out by commenter Leann, ‘Duk of Big League Stew recently chastised Phillies fans for booing perennial asshat Adam Eaton.

Adam Eaton is a fuck. Adam Eaton is worthless. Adam Eaton is useless. Adam Eaton makes me so mad I only type in short sentences. To misquote Slayer: “[Eaton] is hate, [Eaton] is fear, [Eaton] is war. [Eaton] is rape, [Eaton's] obscure, [Eaton's] a whore”.

From ‘Duk’s column:

And, over time, they’ve made so many cases about why it was OK to throw snowballs at Santa Claus

Stop right there. The old ‘snowballs at Santa’ is the equivalent of the ‘Hitler was an atheist’ argument. It’s a fallacy that has spread over time and has little support. It’s not entirely true, it’s at best a situation taken out of context. No educated person should lower themselves to using the hackneyed attention grabbers of ESPN. But back to the real issue.

There is no defense of Eaton. He made almost no positive contribution to the team. Geoff Geory and Michael Bourn made a bigger contribution to the Phillies’ success last year. Matt Stairs, with his one moment in the NLCS, made a bigger impact than Eaton. Eaton had literally no role in the postseason success of the Phillies.

Is it right to boo him? Fuck yes. It is only wrong in the sense that all booing can be philosophically stated as wrong, but as you fair readers know, I don’t give a fuck about my fellow citizen. I don’t give a shit about my team’s players and no one truly does. I’m not a romantic, and I’m not saying that you have to adopt my beliefs, but never tell me that you care about the emotions of some random person for the 4-5 years they were a part of your major league roster.

Not to rag on you ‘Duk but Adam Eaton is a worthless piece of shit and a shame to the Phillies logo.

Check out them British funbags after the jump:

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Posted by beelove at 10:39 am ET 10 Comments

This just in from the Adam Eaton watch: did you know? He helped the Phillies get to the playoffs!

“What went wrong?” Eaton asked. “A lot of things went wrong, but a lot of things that went right, too. I helped them get to the playoffs two years in a row, and obviously we won the World Series last year. That’s a big thrill of mine, but obviously I still want to compete in that World Series atmosphere. That’s what I aim to do.”

What the fuck World Series atmosphere is that? The one where you played 0 postseason innings because you weren’t on the active roster, after sucking in the minor leagues so bad that you bought your teammates a steak dinner to show off your $8M salary? Or the one where you weren’t even INVITED to the parade down Broad Street? And we remember how well you helped us in 2007 too, fuckface, when you were the only player on the entire team we booed at the rally at City Hall. (Well, the only one we booed worse than Rod Barajas.)

Let’s see just how well Eaton helped get us into the playoffs during the 2008 run, using team pitching stats from Baseball-Reference

The Phillies had the 4th best ERA in the National League at 3.89 with Eaton. Check out the before and after stats:

2008 WFC Phillies with Eaton:
IP: 1,449 2/3
ER: 627
ERA: 3.89, fourth best in NL, behind the Dodgers, Brewers and Cubs

2008 WFC Phillies without Eaton:
IP: 1,342 2/3
ER: 558
ERA: 3.74, second only behind the Dodgers’ 3.68

That may seem like more math than it’s worth, but this is Adam Eaton we’re talking about here, the guy we’re going to pay $8.5M to go suck for Baltimore, and the guy whose last effort as a Phillie was to sneak into that portrait of Ryan Howard … right before Big Brown elbowed him in the goatee and said get the fuck out of my photo shoot and off my team.

beelove (a/k/a R. Bradley Maule) is the proprietor of the fantastic Philadelphia photography/architecture site, He had something he had to get off his chest concerning Adam Eaton; I gladly gave him the space to do so.

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Posted by at 10:08 am ET 16 Comments

How we will ever replace your 6.10 ERA?

Phillies release veteran Eaton | (via The 700 Level, via Rhea Hughes)

Photo by Eric Menchar/Inquirer

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Posted by at 11:29 pm ET 7 Comments

It seems as though the Phillies have switched their #1 priority in the Winter Meetings from acquiring Mark DeRosa to unloading the shitastic Adam Eaton. Here’s the scoop from Gerry Fraley via Ken Rosensquirrel’s blog:

Philadelphia is trying to give away underachieving right-hander Adam Eaton.

The Phillies will deal Eaton to any team that will take on $1 million of the $9 million he is due for the final guaranteed season of a three-year contract. The Phillies want nothing in return.

On top of the $8 million discount any team would recieve for Eaton’s services, the Phillies are also offering a mail-in $200,000 rebate. Sorry — no returns, exhanges, or refunds.

Phils looking to deal Eaton | Ken Rosenthal’s blog via MLB Trade Rumors

(Thanks to the honorable Douglas Sewell for the tip)

Posted by How do you spell retard? at 8:07 pm ET 20 Comments

Watch your back, dude.Kyle Kendrick sucks, plain and simple. There’s no getting around it. After last night’s shitty outing, Pat Gillick should seriously consider trading him to Japan.

His last 10 starts:

46 IP, 68 hits, 25 walks, 39 earned runs.

In 5 of those starts he has gone 4.1 innings or less and has given up 6 earned runs or more. A mere 0.01 separates his and Adam Eaton’s WHIP. His hits per 9 IP is 0.27 point higher than Eat-dawg’s. He’s gone from the Hayden Panettiere(okay, but vastly overrated) of the Phillies pitching staff to the Bea Arthur of the staff.

Enough of these Tim McCarver/Chris Wheeler bullshit lines like “he goes out there and wins games” or “he’s a gamer” attributed to unathletic white guys (see: David Eckstein, any honky under 6 foot). Kyle Kendrick is awful (WE WANT EATON!…wait, what?)

To make up for the stat geekiness, here’s a Meech-inspired picture of Kristen Bell’s ass(much hotter than Hayden Panettiere).

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Posted by Chamomiles Davis at 7:11 am ET 1 Comment

“I either pitch well or I pitch bad,” Eaton said. “I can’t seem to get something in between.”

It’s easy to come out and say, “My God, this guy is just terrible.” And I’d be hard-pressed to disagree. For seven million-plus dollars, you expect better than a 3-7 record with an ERA north of 5. When Eaton sucks, he sucks, no doubt about it (and as The 700 Level points out, he’s willing to tell you that himself): Last night’s game against the Mets was one of the worst of his mediocre career: 8 runs, 6 earned, and a trip to the showers after 2 2/3 innings.

And yet, Eaton has only had three starts this year that could be described as truly awful: May 6 at Arizona, June 20 against the Angels, and last night. The trouble with Eaton’s bad starts (and even some of his good ones) is that he shits the bad so early in the proceedings there’s hardly any time to get his relief ready. If you’re Charlie Manuel, you just have to ride it out and hope the bats and the bullpen will save you.

Oftentimes, they haven’t. Leading up to Monday night, in Eaton’s last three losses the Phillies scored a combined total of just three runs. Three. With that lack of offensive support it’s hard for anyone not named Sandy Koufax to earn a winning decision.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to defend Adam Eaton. I still think he’s overpaid and puts himself and his team in too deep a hole too often to be considered anything close to a quality pitcher. But if you look at his statistics this season you’d be surprised to see how often he’s contributed a decent effort in a losing cause.

Besides, it’s not like we can trade him or anything. We’re stuck with him, people.

Eaton Buries Phillies Early [Philadelphia Inquirer]

Posted by at 1:07 pm ET 4 Comments

A couple days ago, I wrote about an item I saw on Mr. UniWatch, Paul Lukas’ blog. That morning, he reported Adam Eaton had messed up the buttons on his uniform top. Since he is the internet’s resident jersey-aficionado, all I did was re-post the pictures he linked to and trusted that the information was correct.

Well, I learned a valuable lesson today folks, don’t trust everything you read on a blog.

I know, I was just as shocked as you.

As it turns out, Adam Eaton DID NOT, in fact, fasten his top jersey button in the second loophole. When I went back and looked at the screenshots, it appeared as if he simply tucked the top right flap of his jersey in. Afterall, if he did mess up the buttons, the ‘Phi’ on the right side would be horribly misaligned with the ‘llies’ on the left side.

I even went as far as to go back to the game tape and find out the specific instance in which this mishap occurred. It looks as if sometime during Corky Miller’s 2nd inning at-bat, Eaton must have reached up and tucked the flap in himself.

The shot on your left is right before Miller steps to the plate, the other was from the same at-bat, 2 pitches later. Notice the difference?

I highly doubt that within the span of two pitches, Eaton removed his glove from his hand, unbuttoned the second button, and refastened the top button into that same loophole.

So, Mr. Lukas, I believe you owe Adam Eaton an apology for saying his “Mama dresses him funny.” Thank you.

Adam Eaton can’t dress himself properly | The Fightins’
And Your Mama Dresses You Funny | Uni Watch

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