The Fightins'
Matt Gelb: Spoiler Alert
Posted by Ryan at 8:41 am ET 41 Comments

Cliff Lee would have would thrown a no-hitter last night if it weren’t for one complete dick of a beatwriter. The Inky’s Matt Gelb bucked tradition and violated the rule that you don’t talk about a no-hitter that’s in progress.

Gelb’s reaction to the angry responses he received was basically “Psh. Whatever, nerds.” And OF COURSE immediately after that, Marco Scutaro singled to break up the no-no in the sixth. In reaction, Twitter banded together to reveal all the other things that the one we affectionately refer to as the Koala spoiled:

I started things off. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m hilarious.

Loctastic is evidently making a very obtuse Die Hard reference or something.

Swifty, our Comment Czar, once drank his own pee. Just to see, you know?

AProuja knows that it isn’t actually always sunny in Philadelphia.

Schrammalot also knows it was filmed in DelCo!

ItsStephGrace knows all there is to know about the crying game.

PhoebePhanatic never told me life was gonna be this way. *clapclapclap*

Our fearless leaderĀ Mitch justĀ sits there, all day long, in his own world, staring at that toy. What’s he thinking about?

In every contest though, there must be a winner. This is that winner. Steph brought the fucking house down with this one.

This all just goes to show you that if you do anything at all online you can be villianized and relentlessly mocked for absolutely no reason at all at absolutely any time. The moral of this story is that you should never ever say anything ever on the internet for any reason whatsoever. I guess.

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41 Responses to “Matt Gelb: Spoiler Alert”

  1. Adam Eaton says:

    He just ruins EVERYTHING! It’s BULLSHIT.

  2. mleif says:

    Using Twitter for an entire post. Okay, Kyle.

  3. says:

    Matt Gelb would like you to know that there’s no way Cliff Lee can keep up this pace of throwing complete game shutouts every time he pitches. So get over it already.

  4. James Fayleez says:

    It’s bad enough i have to sit through Tom McCarthy jinxing everything that goes on in the game with his never-ending parade of stats, but now I have to worry about Pudge McFudge trying to be an “informative reporter” on Twitter by doing the same thing?

    Matt, seriously, just tell us your favorite color. Or what movie you just saw. You blabbing about Cliff’s no-no was like something a girl would do.

  5. esullrich says:

    i think that rule only applies to players. thats just my personal opinion though

  6. chap19150 says:


  7. olo567 says:

    Yeah apparently T-Mac finished up the 5th saying “Cliff Lee has not allowed a hit yet!” Scutaro’s hit led off the sixth. Go figure.

    At least Gelb’s attempt to jinx the scoreless inning streak proved futile.

    • RyanHowardLawnGnome says:

      Yeah, it was that douche, T-Mac…he is the worst.

    • James Fayleez says:

      T-Mac has no baseball sense.
      He’s a pitchman.


  8. Dan says:

    The MLBN broadcast was just as bad. Guess when they put up a stat saying that Cliff Lee’s longest no-hit bid was 7 innings? That’s right, during the Scutaro AB.

  9. Kyle Scott says:

    There were definitely much better ones that those you selected here. I think you could have done a better job. This post reminds myself of a zoowithroy entry. Leave these types with the experts. BTW you sir are a moron, and need to stop bitching and moaning on twitter. That is all.

    • Mooseknuckles12 says:

      Kyle, nobody likes you.

    • Jonny5 says:

      Kyle, you’re alright in my book. That is all. (that last statement is copyrighted by me so step the fuck back!), thank you very much. Good day sir.

    • Beef says:

      Meech should trade petzrawr to CrossingBroad for a half eaten, stale Mack and Manco’s pie. He’d make out.

  10. Defenestrate Wheels says:

    RT @magelb there is no Dana only Zuul

  11. Jean Luc Picard says:

    RT @magelb Shane dies at the end. “Shane, come back!”

  12. Kyle Scott says:

    Hey guys, come read my blog? Guys? Please? Somebody please love me?!

  13. Nate Diggity Dawg says:

    Fucking Jim Jackson said it too right at the end of the 5th.

  14. Cole Handsome says:

    I’m serious in asking why is this Matt Gelb called “Koala?”

  15. nickjames says:

    @Dan, yeah, I was at work watching the MLBN broadcast and said the same thing. It was like the graphic went up as soon as Scutaro’s bat hit ball.

    “There is no Dana only Zuul.” winner.

  16. Jonny5 says:

    Look fucknuts, Bad luck exists in baseball. Good luck exists in baseball. Jinxing a no hitter by talking or tweeting about it doesn’t do jack shit!! ***Unless of course you talk to the pitcher about a no hitter while said no hitter is in progress. So fucking get it right will ya?

    BTW, Gelb does suck, as does the rest of All they do is trash fans for imagined ire because they can’t think of anything else to write about.

  17. Manly Cole Hamels says:

    Hey, do you guys mind if I take my shirt off?

  18. thisguy says:

    Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is Einhorn!

  19. The Howling Fantods says:

    Agree 100% with Jonny5, especially on the suckiness of

  20. Van Swirly says:

    Of course the fags at mlbn fucked it all up not matt

  21. Cliff says:

    It’s so fucking stupid to say an announcer shouldn’t do their job and not tell you a no hitter is taking place. It is their fucking job to describe what’s going on in the game, not play by some idiotic supersition.

    Bunch of little leaguers here.

  22. Vick Torino says:

    I enjoy that one of the most unlikely events in sports can be said to be ‘jinxed’ every time it doesn’t happen.

  23. Domingo says:

    I talked to Cliff today and he said he’s gonna fuck Gelb up. Cliff is seriously pissed about missing his first no hitter because of some 2-bit beat writer. I did hear Scutaro sent Gelb a dozen yellow roses as a thank you. Yellow roses being the tradition gift for jinxing a no hitter.

  24. James Fayleez says:

    @Cliff -

    If you’re watching the game, don”t you already know he’s got a no-hitter going?

    What’s the point of bringing it up every inning?

    • Danyiel says:

      Simple. Ratings. Announce the no-no, word-of-mouth spreads, more people tune in, higher ratings. But that’s just for commentators, I really don’t know when this trend of beat writers and other various assholes tweeting about no-hitters actually started, but there’s at least one or two of them every single week now. So far, only two of them were actual no-no’s this year, and I watched both of them from the 6th inning on because of it. I also watched a couple that eventually got broken up too, but my point is that while it was cool to actually see the no-no’s as they were happening, as a baseball fan I cringe a little bit when people start announcing them, especially when my fricking team is involved.

    • Cliff says:

      But not everyone is watching every pitch like you. A lot of fans with families and responsibilites are only able to watch parts, so it really is the announcers job to describe what is going on in the game. That is what they are there for.

    • @shawnjames says:

      I was at work during the 5 and someone text me and said cliff lee has a no hitter.. I just left work and before i got on my street i got another text saying he gave up a hit in the 6th.

      it was all that guys fault who text me

  25. This was a hell of a lot of fun last night.

  26. @shawnjames says:

    who’s keyzer soze again?

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