Anyway, in order to break down this A’s/Phillies series, I asked my friend Justin Klugh from That Ball’s Outta Here and Call to the Pen to answer the questionnaire that those lousy A’s bloggers were too high and mighty to fill out for me.
- Hope Moneyball trailer is halfway decent
- Use trailer to garner sympathy as poorest of the poor teams
- Allow other teams to lose out of pity
- Ignore fans disgusted with strategy reeking of cowardice
- Fire manager to penetrate national media
- Fail to use exposure for any real purpose
- Send Josh Willingham to DL for second try at national exposure
- Shit bed
- Spend winter wondering what all that was about
J: The same as it holds for the rest of us: dying alone. Judging by the picture on his Wikipedia page, he is also fat and clueless or about to give someone an unsatisfactory hug. Also I just read his nickname is “Trevordactyl.” So I could see him getting his ass kicked by junior high school bullies who throw his box of toy dinosaurs he brought for show and tell into the sewer.
R: As good as Cahill has been in 2011, Gio Gonzalez has maybe been even better. He currently sports a 2.59 ERA though just under 100 IP. Is Gonzalez going to be a cornerstone of a future A’s club, or will he end up as yet another Billy Beane trade chip?
J: All Billy Beane sees is numbers. Right? Like, he can’t look a man in the eye because all he sees are swirling clouds of BABIPs and xFIPs dancing around. That’s why he swaps guys around like a human trafficker; even if they’re begging, “Please, Billy, please–my wife said she’d leave me if I moved us again,” or “Come on, man, the hospital here has the perfect resources to combat my kid’s morbid obesity,” the man can just shake his head, check his phone, and be played by Brad Pitt. I’d say no man is safe on that roster.
R: Oakland has been rumored to be relocating to San Jose for a couple of years now. Do you think this is ever going to happen? What’s holding up the deal?
J: I’ve never been to the Coliseum but I imagine it smells like a carnival that refuses to leave town; decades-old machinery and second hand smoke. I think Oakland assumes it could leave, but it hasn’t thought things through. Like a child threatening to run away from home, they don’t seem aware of the potential dangers lurking outside the safety of O-Town: Packs of feral dogs that have tasted human blood and can never be satisfied by anything else, Brendan Ryan’s mustache patrolling the western seaboard in a windowless van, any murderous hobos @PhilliesWheeler hasn’t raped to death. I don’t think San Jose is going to offer protection from these sorts of everyday problems. If my 23 minutes in Jack London Square at 6 am on a Sunday were any indication, Oakland is a quiet, subdued town with very few problems outside of malfunctioning ticket machines. The A’s should count their blessings.
R: Wait, what were you doing at a train station in Oakland at six in the morning?
J: Looking for Trevoir Cahill’s lost dinosaurs.
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