Or the alternative title, “Biggest Load of Fucking Shit Ever Unsuspectingly Dumped on Someone Since that Time You Let Your Boyfriend Try Anal” (that title’s for the experienced ladies out there).
Some stupid ass, cock-backwards, buttmunching organization called the American Sportscasters Association (failed original name: Douchebags & Retards Anonymous) decided to put a list out of the top 50 Sportscasters. Sure, a bullshit list devised to get my titties in a knot. Go ahead, list some decent names, and then just skullfuck me until you destroy my frontal lobes enough to render me inept in the ability to understand the difference between a good sportscaster (i.e. Vin Scully) and some big-toothed nutsack (i.e. Bill Walton) or some douche (i.e. Joe Buck) who basically equates fake mooning with forced sodomy. Scroll down to #41 for the bullshittiest ranking of 2009.
The list:
#1 Vin Scully: A fucking legend, good choice
#5 Howard Cosell: Once again, a legend for MNF
#6 Bob Costas: Generally a douche and a anti-blog pussy, but when he puts the journalism aside, I guess he’s decent.
#9 Al Michaels: Overexaggerates in his later years, but still decent.
#29 John Madden: (see Michaels, Al)
#31 Joe Buck: You fucking serious? That pussy? He doesn’t give a shit about baseball, and is a sniveling, closet egomaniac (see Costas, Bob).
#35 Chris Berman: …
#39 Bill Walton: Okayyyyyyy… WHERE THE FUCK IS HARRY THE K!?!? Are all sportscasting polls this assbackwards? Fuck Bill Walton.
#41 Harry Kalas: This is a fucking disgrace. Joe Buck, ‘the jack[off] of all trades’, is a worse baseball announcer. Oh, and Joe’s primary sport, football? Harry wipes Joe’s dick in the dirt and then spoonfeeds it to him with his Westwood One broadcasts.
Another disgusting aspect of this list, Dick Vitale is only 6 spots below Harry. I know Harry might have fallen off in recent years, but to put him in the bottom 10 with Cock Vitale and Cock Stockton (#48), fuck that list.
Fuck you, American Sportscasters Association. Someone will have to fist you elbow deep to get your head from outta your ass.
Fuck your list.
(Courtesy LA Daily News via Deadspin)
19 Comments on “Stupidest. List. Ever.”
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General
January 13th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Best. Rant. Ever.
January 13th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
The first half of the list was great, by the end I wanted to be ill. I think it was right around the time I hit Joe Buck’s name. I hope to meet him one day just to take revenge for all the brain cells I’ve lost listening to his pompous, self-righteous bull shit. I hope he dies in a fire.
January 13th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Completely agree with, wait…what kind of name is Tartan?
Anyway, HFK (Harry Fuckin’ Kalas to the assholes that read this and have no common sense) deserves to be well ahead of anyone named Joe Buck. I mean come on. Might as well be named Joe Worthless or Schmo No-talent Ass Clown.
Needless to say, he is a complete tool.
Joe Buck? Not exactly what comes to my mind when I think of all time awesome announcers. I mostly think about hitting a Met’s fan in the face when I hear his name.
HFK run down:
Awesome–check
Old school–check
Legend–check
Fuckin’ awesome–check
Joe Buck scored 0 for 4 on my checklist of greatness. I hope he chokes himself out sucking on Tim McCarver’s chode. Tim can FoxTrax his nut sack right down Joe’s throat.
January 13th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Howard Cosell hasn’t worked in 20 years. Where has he been?
January 13th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Kalas is the voice of god for NFL films, he isn’t limited to his own baseball godliness. Full of BS.
January 13th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
@Gonzo
I thought the same when I read Pat Summerall’s name on the list. Summerall has worked less than half a dozen bullshit BCS games since 2002. I guess the writer’s have been playing those old school Madden games.
January 14th, 2009 at 2:07 am
One of my favorite memories from the night of game 5.2 was an entire phan philled bar in New York breaking into thirty seconds of “FUCK JOE BUCK! FUCK JOE BUCK!”
January 14th, 2009 at 2:17 am
I don’t fully understand the hatred towards joe buck, why is he the antithesis of all that is bad? He obviously isn’t a phillies fan, he’s a network announcer, he does a decent job and certainly has it together. Should he be ahead of harry? Hell no, but he isn’t as bad as….joe Morgan.
January 14th, 2009 at 7:10 am
i would rather listen to joe morgan than joe buck. buck is absolutely awful for both baseball and football and i swear to god if he doesn’t stop staring at troy aikmen i’m going to hunt him down and dig his eys out with a spoon
January 14th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Love this rant. I couldn’t have expressed myself much better. To have Kalas, a baseball hall of fame broadcaster, as low as #41 is one thing, but to have guys who continue to live off of their daddy’s name (Joe Buck) ranked significantly higher than him and include guys such as Bill Walton (As he often says about players placed on the bench, “What did he do?”) is obsurd.
Hell, where is Gene Hart? I would place him on the list before a handful of people on this list. I believe that lists are created for no reason but to cause a stir, which this one did.
January 14th, 2009 at 8:02 am
@HDYSR?: Where are the titties?? Won’t someone please think of the titties?
January 14th, 2009 at 8:21 am
question–
Where is Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler, Michael Cole, and Jim Ross on this list?
Wrastlin’ is a sport no?
January 14th, 2009 at 9:23 am
I feel like I’d get along just fine with the Tard.
January 14th, 2009 at 9:57 am
I wonder if Joe BuckFuck would sound better if he got McCarver’s balls out of his mouth?
January 14th, 2009 at 10:37 am
@GTO-Josh: It’s my alma mater’s mascot (http://www.cmu.edu/athletics/). And 69 was my football jersey #
Completely agree with you on J.R., BTW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnyHwx5wwW8
January 14th, 2009 at 10:54 am
@Tartan69: Hahaha I was joking man. I am Scottish and my family has a sweet tartan style. Just a bit odd for a name as it is a style of fabric weaving. Odd mascot name as well; but to his their own!
January 14th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
@GTO
Jim Ross, definitely got snubbed. Jerry Lawler was only entertaining to me when he was getting choked out by Tazz.
Jerry Lawler: “Torrie Wilson has puppies J.R.!”
*HDYSR?, talking to his television*
HDYSR?: “Shut the fuck up King, some of us are trying to masturbate!!!”
January 15th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
JOE BUCK????? You’ve got to be kidding me.
January 16th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Is Joe Buck even a HOF Sportscaster? Because I believe HFK is. That should mean something.