Are we, as Phillies fans, assholes? Of course, lovable assholes. “Eat this you stupid, stupid little girl.” *throws mustard packet at Joe Maddon’s granddaughter*. The kind that lovingly shit in your mailbox, yell ‘Choooooooooch’ at an abortion ceremony, kick your Mets’ loving-Wawa devoid-SNY watching-shitty accent having-Sbarro inventing ’selves in the dick.
Assholes or not, as Delaware Valleyians, we will never be as annoying as one group. That group being those douches in Boston. Fuck Boston. I repeat, FUCK BOSTON. Fuck the nation.
The Bleacher Report’s Scott Eisenlohr agrees. After claims of more World Serieses (Seriesi? Once again, I call for the help of English Majors)for our beloved Phils, Scott unleashes this declaration to all the Marky Marks and Matt Damons out there:
“But we ain’t sharing this one wit’ ch’all. Hey, John Kerry, get outta town asking for a cheesesteak w’ swizz cheese. You ain’t one of us, and you ain’t welcome here.”
“We will take out-of-town fans, but more likely than not, fans outside of Philadelphia love to hate us more than to become one of our own.”
Fuck yeah. Fuck everybody. That has always been my motto (along with “You Go, Girl” and “Live Fast. Die“). No Phillies Nation, no horrible SNL/Conan shout-outs, no “hey, brah”. Just lunacy, asshole tauntery, inebriation, foul bloggers, Sarge hats, and every car on it’s hood.
Eat shit, all those who don’t want to be a part of this. Johan Hegg would have wanted it this way.
And because I started this post 2 days ago (I was busy cleaning a girl’s puke off my iPod, plus I can’t stop listening to Ensiferum), TITTIES!!
24 Comments on “Phillies fans will never become Boston ‘mos”
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General
November 10th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
pure gold dude.
November 10th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
CHUUCH!
November 10th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
i dont see any titties
November 10th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
That was my bad, John. I had to go in and center Howdy’s pic and messed up the html code.
But enough of the nerdy technical talk, the titties are back!
November 10th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
FUCK THE NATION! Im with Charlie on this one, I would have loved to take down the nation. In my mind the nation is already dead, just watch a sawx game and look at all the pink sawx hats. The Phils are for people who understand it and everyone else can eat a dick……
November 11th, 2008 at 1:48 am
I find it tough to hate Boston…
A. They have about as much relevance to the Phillies as the Royals do.
B. I’ve been to Fenway many a time and it’s never been a bad experience.
C. The fans (at least in Boston) are 40 something year old guys with goofy slogan shirts like “green monstah” and Khakis
D. Save your energy for those cock eating Mets fans who are under the impression there team is a contender.
E. I’m still in disbelief we won the world series and nothing upsets me.
GO PHILS!
November 11th, 2008 at 4:20 am
i swear had kerry not asked for that swiss cheese on his steak he’d have been elected. obama would never stand for that shit. that’s change we can believe in.
November 11th, 2008 at 6:15 am
I was in Seattle from 2001-2006. Did Kerry really ask for swiss cheese?
November 11th, 2008 at 6:19 am
@Me
Googled John Kerry +Cheesesteak +swiss +cheese. Jesus Christ, no wonder I voted for Bush.
November 11th, 2008 at 6:57 am
I agree, FUCK Boston, and all of Red Sox nation. Grew up outside Philly and living in Maine, and there are no more annoying, self righteous, and shallow fans on the planet. Watching the Red Sox lose is second only to watching the Phils win.
November 11th, 2008 at 7:19 am
First off, one of the first rules of writing is that if you want people to take your arguments seriously, leave out the profanity. I’m guessing that’s not a priority for you.
Second, you’re an ignoramus that I’m doubting hasn’t made it out of the Delaware Valley, save for a trip or two to Camelback. I live in Boston and can confirm Mike’s points. Boston fans don’t care about Phillies fans. If anything, their stock went up after beating the hated Rays (and yes, oddly enough Sox fans have hated the Rays for years). And Sox fans are for the most part harmless. Yeah, you have a lot of bandwagon college kid fans walking around in DiceK jerseys but the ballpark is very civil and the fans know their baseball. If they boo you, you’ve REALLY let down the team, city and all of New England – not just booted a ground ball.
Again I agree with Mike – save your energy on an NL team like the Mets or Braves. Attacking the Sox makes us think you’re really desperate for a column.
November 11th, 2008 at 7:39 am
HDYSR? is a Poet-King among men. You never disappoint.
November 11th, 2008 at 9:27 am
I think that may have been one of the worst pieces of shit and utter garbage that I have ever read.
November 11th, 2008 at 10:43 am
@Docnuts
Also acceptable: Hereditary God King
/Dalai Lama’d
@bringbackthebat
I’m honestly flattered, is that bad?
November 11th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I hate ESPN more for giving the Red Sox that name. Sure, the fans took it to extreme douchebaggery by appointing “Governors” and “Presidents”, but it was ESPN that gave them all the hype that led to this. I hope Philly fans don’t get full of themselves like New Englanders, but you never know. New England had a pretty dominating football team and a championship NBA squad last season, which just added to the whole “Nation” notion, and we don’t have that. I don’t want a cliche’d Phillies Nation, I just hope we stay as blue collar and surly as we have always been.
That doesn’t mean Sox fans aren’t full of themselves. I hope they were humbled by this last season, but I doubt it.
November 11th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Best post ever.
I lived in Boston for six years. If I never see another fat piece of shit with red facial hair from New Hampshire yelling and jerking off to pictures of JD Drew again it will be too soon. Fuck their legion of frat bro fans, fuck Bill Simmons, fuck their arrogance and trying to charge people $180 to join the “Nation” and call themselves “true fans”, and fuck their self-righteous-America’s-team-we’re-the-victims-even-though-haha-we-have-more-money-than-god -and-we’ve-had-maybe-three-non-Caucasian-players-in-the-last-130-years-wicked-hahdcoah-bullshit.
Everybody in America hates seeing your squad of fat white guys with bad facial hair on ESPN every goddamn minute of every goddamn day. Worse than the Yankees.
November 11th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Agreed.
Ive hated the Red Sox ever since they won when Ive had to see a couple Boston hats or shirts at school every day of my life. Plus Ive always respected George Steinbrenner because he could do whatever the fuck he wanted
November 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
You will never become like Boston fans? Dudes, you ARE Boston fans. This is your 2004. Your boys are all over TV. (Ellen?!). You will see more pink hats everywhere. Outsiders will claim you all to be “douchebags”. Trust me, I’m a Boston fan who had to go through this transformation of how the public turned on us. Seriously, everyone gets bandwagon fans, and yes they are annoying, but that doesn’t mean that everyone who has cheered for Boston teams from birth suddenly changed into jerks.
/Non-jerk
November 11th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
One half of the dynamic duo known as The Phunyun just moved to Boston and let me just say that so far my experience with Boston sports fans has been utter douchebaggery.
Here’s the thing about Boston, basically no one is actually from Boston. I’d say about 75% of the fucking city came from somewhere else and just stuck around. So it’s not as if they grew up rooting for the Sawks or the Pats anyway.
Oh, and if I see one more headline in the paper talking about the “B’s” or the “C’s” I’m going to slit my wrists. They can’t fucking spell out Bruins and Celtics? I mean for Chirst’s sake…
November 11th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
“Oh, and if I see one more headline in the paper talking about the “B’s” or the “C’s” I’m going to slit my wrists. They can’t fucking spell out Bruins and Celtics? I mean for Chirst’s sake…”
As opposed to the Birds, Phils, and 6ers? Look, if you go into something thinking you’re going to hate it, you’re going to find things to hate about it, guaranteed.
I moved to the Philly area and immediately took a liking to the local teams and fans because they reminded me of me in the late 90’s, starving for a championship. I think if Philly had won before Boston did it would be the exact opposite.
And no one in Boston is from Boston because there are like 1.5 billion colleges in a 20 mile radius. It’s pretty ridiculous and these college kids who jump on the local teams bandwagons are pretty annoying, I’ll give you that.
November 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
OK, but it’s not like the Daily News is writing stories about the F’s and the P’s. Although maybe they should …
/ “f my p”
November 11th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I’ll P on your E
November 11th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Wow, for a second there reading that I kinda thought you guys were raggin on fans outside of Philly, glad to see that isn’t the case being from Wilkes Barre and all. And I have to agree, outside of one friend of mine, all the Sox fans I know are pompous assholes now. As much as I dislike the Yankees, I kinda wish they’d go back to putting them in their place.
November 11th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
@no one in particular:
Bill “Spaceman” Lee was (and still is) pretty sweet though, you all have to admit.