Phillies vs. Brewers. Yuengling vs. Miller. The #2 heroin capital vs. the cheese capital. Credit to the people at FOX Sports for the useless city comparison. Scooter the Talking Baseball will take it from here.
The last time the Brewers made the playoffs, Jamie Moyer and John McCain were spreading deadly strains of SuperAIDS to the American Indian (double old guy zing!!), Michael Phelps and Dane Cook had yet to double-handedly ruin comedy, and your author for this post wouldn’t exist as a chromosome in his dad’s sack for another five years or so.
The last time the Phillies made the playoffs (last year, dumbass), HDYSR? wasn’t sweating through two shirts per diem, the ‘gigantic fat fuck’ tag didn’t exist, and Clay Aiken was telling us “vagina is delicious”.
[You're welcome I didn't do the price of gas, price of milk, #1 song reminder, known in the sports journalism world as the 'computer-graphic cunt punch']
Now, while most of us couldn’t locate Milwaukee on a map (pretty sure it’s in Alabama or Bulgaria), we know who the Milwaukee Brewers are. Now, dipshits like Tim McCarver and whatever set of losers TBS trots out will bombard us with the ‘Baby Brewers’, the ‘House Money’ reference, and the ‘Pubeless Power Brigade’.
The Brewers are a good young team, but the Phillies should win in 4. As long as the Brewers don’t start Tim Redding, this offense should be capable of beating an inexperienced team. End in-depth analysis and statistical breakdown. Scooter will now tell you what a fastball is. And Joe Buck will find it hilarious in an unfunny, ironic way (where’s that cunt punch when you need it?).
Bring on the [ESPN's] C[h]ubbies. I only hope I bracketed that right.
9 Comments on “Phillies-Brewers. HDYSR? style.”
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General
October 1st, 2008 at 12:12 am
You guys see this over at B&C… He speak very highly of you, but still talk shit about our Fightin’ Phils… Bastard… http://www.bugsandcranks.com/tampa-bay-devil-rays/david-chalk/your-team-aint-st-playoff-edition-phillies/
October 1st, 2008 at 12:27 am
To be honest, I don’t wanna know what life would be like without the ‘gigantic fat fuck’ tag.
Thank you, HDYSR?
October 1st, 2008 at 1:27 am
I’m pretty sure “Inventor of ‘Gigantic Fat Fuck’ Tag” will be written on my headstone.
October 1st, 2008 at 6:50 am
Was this line really necessary?
“How do you spell retard?” Couldn’t you have come up with something clever without taking away the dignity of a child?
Some of us are parents of special needs kids, you know, the ones you call “retards.” Some of us are just hoping that you will give these kids the respect they deserve. When adults use the word “retard” in slang it just gives license for kids to use it also and then bullies are made. Kids with special needs work so hard for things that you and I take for granted. Why do they have to work hard for your respect?
October 1st, 2008 at 8:57 am
Screw Yuengling, those upstate anti-union jerks…Get really local with a Philly Brewing Company Kenzinger or a Yards Philly Pale Ale.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:15 am
mary,
This link should provide an explanation of our colleague’s screen name. If anything, you should be angry with Brett Myers. I have to admit, though… as a gigantic fat fuck, I too must take offense with HDYSR.
As for this post in general: Wow. It’s hard to cringe when I’m laughing so hard.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:51 am
To all those that are offended, or take issue with anything I write, I regret nothing. “Non Serviam“.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Holy crap you’re young.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:26 pm
i like the comment-
“holy crap you’re young.”
i bet that one was fi-fi too.
lol@mary. again.