Dearest Phillies management:
You claim to have several ‘untouchables’ (I’m too late to make a Michael Jackson “bad touch, good touch” joke) in your farm system. Kyle Famous Last Name, Lou Marson, et cetera. I know you care about the future (even though one of your former players knows the world will end in less than 2 years). The future is a sexy proposition. Everybody likes talking about the future, because they are not held liable for their stupid predictions.
So, your cold feet in regards to selling off your future is justifiable, if you are looking to move the son of a former legend (genealogy and shit will back up his potential for greatness). But you know who the Phillies recently rejected (<—-the headline in alluded to in my headline) a trade for? This guy.
Kyle Cockfucking Kendrick!?!?! Why!!?!? That turd of an arm couldn’t throw a watchmaker’s dick through a laundry chute (I don’t understand my own analogies either). Fuck that guy! He’s as successful a pitcher as the ‘Tard is at selling his position on drug abuse.
And for whom was double K to be traded? Probably some shitball pitcher, or useless veteran, right? Not really. A thirty year old outfielder with a .283 average and 12 dingers. Josh Willingham, a decent player playing for the shittiest franchise in the history of turd franchises.
While reports are not entirely saying that they were trying to move Kendrick, their love of this loser saddens Howdy S. I’d trade that uselessness in a fucking minute. I’d trade Kyle Kendrick for a used nutsack and a box of baking soda.
RoyHalladay > Josh Willingham > a nutsack & baking soda > Kyle Kendrick
Don’t do something so fucking stupid like this again, Rube Jr.
Sincerely,
Howdy S. Thompson
P.S. All future hate mail can be directly delivered to the ‘Tard at sargematthewshats@gmail.com
28 Comments on “One word does NOT belong in this headline”
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July 22nd, 2009 at 12:09 am
Great post Tard. Hilarious as always, and this time, there is a real solid point to it. Don’t get to used to that, I like the nonsensical shit you bring to the table. That and the tits.
But I really hope to god this isn’t true… that it’s just inflated trash from the inflated trash-heap that is Washington. Kendrick for Willingham is just too good of a trade to make, It would cause me to bleed out of my eyes if it were true that Ruben refused it.
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 am
This probably isn’t true either but did anyone else hear that the mets turned down a deal for halladay?
http://newyork.mets.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20090720&content_id=5967212&vkey=news_nym&fext=.jsp&c_id=nym
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:19 am
@Jordan: I read that, and don’t believe it at all. It’s just a tactic by the Jays to try and spook the Phils into making a deal with them, and a bad one at that.
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:40 am
Condrey looked sketchy covering first on a grounder in extra innings. I wouldnt be surprised if he went back on the DL. Gotta have him healthy for September.
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:11 am
Where can we send Tard fan mail?
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:12 am
Wow, just another loser trying to be funny at the expense of someone with special needs. How do I spell retard? How about this Howdy, or whatever your name really is…IGNORANT. That’s how I spell it. Shame on all of you. Ever stop to think about how hurtful and demeaning your words are to people living with special needs? No? That’s a surprise.
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 am
but seriously, hdysr-
is the name is in jest (mocking brett’s sense of humor) or in full support of it?
not passing judgment or preaching, just wonderin’.
the big bro’ has downs, but i’m pretty desensitized to ‘retard’ after so many years. way i see it, the word has a different meaning in popular culture than actually mocking people like my bro (as long andrew, thats his name, never has to hear the word applied to him derisively).
-dlh
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:39 am
I agree. it’s totally retarded to make fun of retarded people. go find some other way to waste everyone’s time, you keyboard cripple.
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 am
The Phillies desperately need a right handed bat off the bench as Bruntlet’s .130 average just isn’t cutting it. With that said, it’s hard to believe the Kendrick trade rumor is true, although Amaro is a moron so I wouldn’t put it past him.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 am
I discovered your blog last year when you guys first started and have been enjoying your work ever since. After watching the Phils win their 10th straight last night, I logged on expecting to see clips from Werth’s home run and maybe something quirky I missed. Instead, I found a disturbing, insensitive column about Kyle Kendrick and a nutsack and baking soda. In short, I will not be returning to your website, will be removing it from my bookmark and never purchase another shirt from your store.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 am
There is no way this deal was ever in place. The Phillies have asked about Willingham and Kendrick got scratched from a start so everyone jumped to conclusions. Apparenty so did HDYSR. Although if you did trade for that nutsack and the baking soda, the other team would be left with a guy who’s ERA is currently floating around 3.50 in AAA right now. I don’t see him as being effective on this team ever again but I don’t think he’s worthless in a trade. And cut Krazy K a break, he was pushed along way faster than he should have been and he stepped up and filled a need when we most needed it.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:58 am
Greatest gmail account ever.
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 am
Gustav sounds like the same exact guy who cried about pedros midget. stop making new accounts.
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 am
For the love of God where are the tits?!?! Won’t somebody think of the children??
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 am
I think we are firmly in the spin zone now… Just like we faked the moon landing to create a diversion from Viet Nam and to get a leg up in the Cold War the Phils are playing the propaganda game.
If we say we won’t trade Kyle Kendrick to the Nats for a bat that we need off of the bench, the Jay’s will think he’s untouchable and therefore desirable.
Myers’ August comeback plans, Drabek’s untouchable, Michael Taylor is a 5 tool can’t miss prospect. None of this can be believed, until Halladay is finally moved.
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
For all those people complaining about the content of a free website and/or the witty name of one of its contributors:
http://crunchiemummy.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/crying-baby.jpg
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
If this is true, Amaro’s underpants should be run up the 2008 flagpole in centerfield…with him still wearing them.
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Seriously, Gustav, if you’re so offended by HDYSR’s name and his posts then don’t read the blog, or don’t read his posts. It’s a free country so you don’t have to read them. But don’t get on your pedestal, preach to the audience, and make a spectacle about why you’re offended and what you’re going to do as a consequence. But if you are so offended that your self-righteous self just has to make it known to someone that you’re offended and will be doing your part in an asinine protest, e-mail HDYSR yourself like he asks in his “insensitive” column and state your grievances there. That why, you can do your part to criticize a harmless Phillies blog and we can still read it and be humored by it without knowing self-righteous pricks like yourself are reading said blog.
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:59 pm
@His Dudeness Tell em.
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:09 pm
A faithful following gives me ample napping time.
/shouts from hammock
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
@Gustave: how can a guy who links to buttsecks.net criticize anything for being crass?
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:24 pm
@j_romes
Methinks there might be some purposely ironic commenting and/or tomfoolery afoot, probably attributable to my co-bloggers.
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Scurvy little curs.
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
=X
Couldn’t help it. Howdy, I think all of your posts from now on need a comment like that.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
@Chris, I had a feeling it was either you or Meech that posted that comment. Definitely made me laugh my ass off.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:35 am
To be fair Tug started it. I laughed my ass off.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:11 am
great post as always and its always a pleasure to see people get offended but. NO TITS!?
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:26 am
Gustav, being a nazi i’m sure you’re immune to insensitive stories.. lighten up