Hey, everybody, how’ve ya been? I know you may be saying: “Hey, you talentless asswipe, where have you been? I, the Fightins loyal readership, have missed the ego boost I receive every week from your pathetic attempt at prose. I miss the feeling of my own normalcy compared to your inebriated delusions of grandeur. What happened to the titties? Is Josh Hamilton still a fucking pusswad? Does Sam Donellon still suck a greasy old horsecock? If I drench myself in others blood, am I sick? Where are the tits?”
Damn it’s tough being the Intahnets sexiest blogger. Damn it sucks waking up at 3AM. Damn it’s interesting when you no longer have the cognitive ability to differentiate your conscious and unconscious minds. And mostly, damn little children are fucking wastes of blood and organs.
Aside from the elderly, children are an awful race I would like to eliminate from the human landscape. I’ve always been on the very exclusive, pro-genocide bandwagon. Shit like the Toba incident just makes me hard in the penis area. But ‘Tardy, whyou so mean? Because of awful children and their fucking awful parents like this family:
Jennifer Valdivia filed a lawsuit Monday against the Philadelphia Phillies [Ryan Howard] for the rights to his 200th home run, which made Major League history as the player to reach the milestone the fastest.
Howard hit the home run at land Shark Stadium against the Florida Marlins on July 16, and as is customary, wanted the ball back.
So Phillies staff invited Valdivia to the club house for a one-on-one meeting with the star, which would have been enough for any other fan. But the Howard also autographed a baseball in exchange for the historic one.
The kid accepted the deal, but after she told her parents, the family told the Phillies and Howard they wanted the ball back.
Let me be the first to say it is socially acceptable to call a 12 year old girl an inconsiderate little asshole. This little kid displayed disgustingly mature qualities in holding onto something of value so she could get her fucking payday. When I was a kid, I went to the ballpark for the atmosphere, to oogle sluttily-dressed girls, and enjoy diarrhea-inducing food. This kid has none of my admirable qualities. Little fucking asshole. But it’s not entirely the kid that is infuriating, it’s more the awful parent that put her up to this. Some coozbag soccer mom in her velor jumpsuit acting like coozy old, unfucked housewives do. Suing celebrities because their worn out old beef lips don’t work, they can no longer get that early afternoon buzz from their box of wine, and their 20 cent off coupons have expired at the local Shoprite.
In the end, Black Lava was the bigger man. He gave the kid the stupid ball, and coozy old housewives that put frivolous lawsuits in motion celebrated everywhere by experiencing pleasure in what was once a human vagina, but now resembles a vacuum that sucks the last remaining shred of humanity we have left.
Fuck the Valveeda family and their frivolousness. You represent all that is wrong with everything.
Titties after the jump:
35 Comments on “Kids…disgusting, awful creatures”
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General
October 7th, 2009 at 12:11 am
1st….look at them hooters
October 7th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Not that I think the kid is angelic and innocent here, but I’ve been a nanny long enough to know that 99.99999% of the time, it’s the parents who are far more stupid, greedy, selfish, inconsiderate, rude, ungrateful, disrepectful, and ignorant.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:19 am
The whole family deserves be tarred and feathered in the middle of broad street while Big Brown smokes line drives at them.
Thus says the Lord
October 7th, 2009 at 12:30 am
it’s not often that i agree with someone 100% on anything… but in this case… i agree with you 100%.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:31 am
I don’t think I’ve ever agreed with HDYSR… until now.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:41 am
There’s no way Howard could have won in this situation. Unfortunate.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:09 am
what. a. cunt.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:26 am
It’s frivolous shit like this that gives us attorneys a bad name. That girl will never appreciate that ball the way the Phillies/Howard/Cooperstown would, and of course they file the lawsuit just days before the playoffs start.
Norman Kent is exactly what’s wrong with the legal profession. You can find his firm’s website by Googling his name and adding the word “law” at the end. He also has an email address posted there.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:43 am
I really doubt the 12 year old had much to do with this; the parents probably just realized she gave away a valuable ball and wanted it back. Shameful on their part.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:11 am
How do we believe the Phils gave back the right ball>?
October 7th, 2009 at 7:30 am
what a little fuking monster. Death to the youngins!
October 7th, 2009 at 7:31 am
@Gonzo: Hopefully they didn’t.
October 7th, 2009 at 7:36 am
fuck that. the phillies are the assholes here.
that ball belongs to the little girl. not ryan howard. if the ball is worth something to him, he needs to appropriately compensate the girl, and her family since she is a minor and they need to look after her best interests. and what is appropriate isn’t for anyone to decide except the family. if he really wants the ball, he needs to pay up. that’s capitalism. we know ryan howard likes capitalism, i’ve heard him whine about his salary before.
the real asshole move is getting the girl to give up the ball without the parents knowing about it until later. get the girl into the locker room, pull the old “switcheroo” and then send her on her way? real classsy, phillies.
October 7th, 2009 at 8:43 am
way to combine 12 year old girls and titties…..
October 7th, 2009 at 9:07 am
@Gonzo:
+200
October 7th, 2009 at 10:12 am
As a mother myself I have to say this is completely ridiculous. I am raising 4 die-hard Phans and NEVER would I allow something like this. If that had been my child, that ball would have been given back to Ryan in a heartbeat. While I agree a lot of kids are ungrateful little jerks, it always starts with the parents. I’m tempted to use the c-word here to describe her but, being it’s my first post I’ll save that one for a later date.
By the way—LOVE this site and GO PHILLIES!
October 7th, 2009 at 10:46 am
really hoping that big brown gave her the wrong ball. that family is everything that’s wrong with the world. i would even give derek jeter his home run ball back and i hate that ass clown. classless, classless people.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:53 am
@Cory…. yeah, the phillies are really assholes for trying to give the girl an autographed ball and allowing her to come into the clubhouse and spend some time with big brown. they’re totally assholes for wanting to have a piece of baseball history that should be a monument to a historic moment in howard’s career. they’re really shitbags for acquiescing to some cunty family that is probably going to put the ball up on ebay rather than simply putting it on the mantle.
she is a minor and the PHILLIES have to look after her best interests? seriously? say that with a straight face. don’t the parents have to look out for her best interests and teach the girl some values and respect for other people? how about the fact that having a ball plop in your lap shouldn’t be a lottery ticket.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:08 am
fuckin right, tard
October 7th, 2009 at 11:21 am
zach: don’t feed the trolls
October 7th, 2009 at 11:28 am
corey i think you’re confused. the phillies invited the girl to the locker room and exchanged memorabilia. no one shafted this young girl, they made a customary exchange. theres nothing classless about it.. if anything Ryan Howard exceeded ‘class’ and gave her the ball back a month after the fact.
sounds like you have a predisposed opinion. do you have a tough time judging situations like a big boy?
October 7th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I agree with the post (titties and all)! I am curious though, why was a 12 year old unattended to begin with? Was she completely alone or was there another adult with her? I find it hard to believe the 12 year old didn’t at least have someone with her in the clubhouse etc. What do people like Corey want the Phils to do, start having people sign 50 page waivers and contracts? That’s why society is falling apart. Larry Brown would not be happy, this family isn’t playing the right way.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:40 am
you’re right tofoomeister, my bad. against my better judgment i descended into trollery.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
@ Corey
Go get bent, you tight ass
October 7th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Disgustingly enough… this story is on CNN.com’s front page! It links to this article: http://www.wsvn.com/news/articles/local/MI133210/
There’s the little brat.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I don’t know if the Phillies had bad intentions when they made the trade with the girl, but doing it with the girl without her parents there was the wrong decision.
Skeptics would say they did it on purpose in attempt to avoid paying a “king’s ransom.” Who knows what they were thinking, but what they ended up with was pissed off family who wants to cash in. That’s a double whammy.
The Velveeda’s are a bunch of douches but the Phils didn’t handle this situation well at all.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I really hope she’s a Marlins fan.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
there are no marlins fans
October 7th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
“Jennifer Valdivia, 12, then found out her original ball could be worth thousands of dollars”
It’s always about money isn’t it? I saw nothing in that article that mentioned anything about catching a historic ball, it’s about a payday. That’s not a FAN, that’s a gold digger-in-training.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
If I had caught that ball, all I would ask for is to personally give it to Ryan Howard.
That picture and article of that girl makes me sick.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
What a B. I want to smash those stupid glasses.
October 7th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
I was a little annoyed about this. And then I read that article Andrew linked as the CNN-linked article. Now I am fucking pissed off. That fucking local news station is so full of shit, I want to scream.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Yeah, that was some quality journalism right there. No mention of WHAT homerun that was or the historical significance of it, no mention of the clubhouse visit. This girl, her parents, their attorney, and whatever “news” outlet that posted that article are all idiots.
October 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Don’t give me that unattended minor shit. No way a kid was all alone at Landshark stadium.
My parents would have told me a deal is a deal, fair and square. If I had made the wrong choice on the deal, well then I was the sucker and learned that lesson.
Shit, if it was a Marlin who hit his 200th home run, I would have been happy to make sure he got his damn ball. What the hell is wrong with people?
I hope someone buys that ball on ebay next week (which you know it is destined to end up) and makes sure the big man gets it. He’s a class act.
October 29th, 2009 at 1:51 am
Howard gave the little skank the wrong ball anyway…………..what a dumbass