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Jul

2009

Hells-to-the-no

Posted by How do you spell retard? at 12:25 am ET 16 Comments

From the GAHHHHHHHHHHHH department of Phillies news comes this gem:

“The Phillies have decided to scout free agent pitcher Pedro Martinez”

Fuck and no! No fucking way would this signing have any positive impact for our Fightins. The disgustingly scary thing is that over thirty percent of the people polled on this news would like to see Pedro in red pinstripes. This should not be shocking news, however, as polls also indicate that a large percentage of the population (excluding Señor Retardo) would not pay tax dollars to see Michael Bay imprisoned and castrated.

If this awfulness were to occur, I would like to invite the Fighins’ staff and readership to join me in a group bum rush/suicide bombing of the printer in the Phillies front office that prints free agent contracts. We can not let this former Met and Red Sock join the World Fucking Champs.

He’s old. He’s frail. He’s a #4 starter at best, and could barely making 15 starts a year. He makes Mark Prior look like Roy Halladay (in terms of innings eatability).

Fuck Pedro. We don’t fucking need him. Plus, Nelson de La Rosa is fucking dead, so his clubhouse presence is useless.

16 Comments on “Hells-to-the-no”

GTO--Josh Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 1:03 am
word–GTFO (get the fuck out for those slow folk) front office. forreal. we need some stability on the reg, not some nut sack on the reg. save that for the mets.

Trivia: “On the reg” quotes; go:

Yachts
Lynniemac Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 1:43 am
Do we REALLY want someone who was on the roster for the Mets meltdowns of ‘07 and ‘08 on this team?
PhiPhan5648 Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 3:57 am
@Lynniemac, the answer is a resounding no.
vandal Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 5:44 am
@GTO – “on the reg” Kenny F’n Powers, now thats some talent I wouldnt mind the Phils looking into!
Chris Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:28 am
If they sign pedro I will vomit all over myself. Several times.
Here Come Da Judge Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 9:17 am
pedro martinez pitching to paul bako is EXACTLY how i imagined the 2009 phillies
jonk Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 10:29 am
You guys look at this backwards. Who gives a shot that Pedro was a Met MORE than the Mets. Imagine the anguish those guys would go through to watch Pedro win a World Series on the Phillies. It’s not the Met players you should hate (well, besides Jose Reyes) it is the Met’s fans.
Hummer Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
if Nelson de La Rosa was still alive, id be all for this.

But hes not, so my thoughts on Pedro are a resounding FUCK NO
Lynniemac Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Sorry, jonk. I think I should hate Carlos Beltran, the gaytastic David Wright, Johan Santana, K-Rod, and Luis Castillo, too.
Here Come Da Judge Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I despise K-Rod like Newman despises Keith Hernandez
jonk Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
K-Rod I can see. I like Santana. He is awesome and wants to be out there. Can’t hate them just because they are good and on the Mets. Wright is a mixed bag, though I’d take him on my team in a second.

How can you hate Castillo after that dropped pop-up. Think he is my favorite Met now.
Lynniemac Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Oh, I loved the dropped pop-up, but still hate him. Always have. Didn’t even like him when he was a Fish.
Watrick Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Watrick Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Watrick Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
ok, the first one didn’t show up, but I think I got my point across….
PhiPhan5648 Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
@Watrick, I don’t think that was excessive at all. I don’t want him that much either.