Happy belated World Aids Day! I hope you all got the what you wanted, but I doubt you can use a gift receipt on an incurable virus.

Awwwwhh, shit…I’ss back loyal reader. My lack of postage is mostly attributable to actually holding down a job for a week(EVERCLEAR AND KEYSTONE LIGHT MONEY!!), ruining a girl’s* Sweet 16 party, and listening to this band nonstop for a couple weeks now. Damn Boscov’s Moorestown having me work 8 hours on Thanksgiving and 16 hours on Black Friday, I was actually sober for over 2 days.

So begins the offseason. And the exciting craziness that comes with the offseason.

The Phillies have two big free agents, Pat “The Bait” Burrell and Jamie “Old Guy Joke” Moyer. We all know it’s unlikely that Pat is coming back, given his sendoff at the parade. That was expected. But no arbitration for Moyer!?! Say it isn’t so. What would this team be without Grampy Moyer? Who the fuck will we make fun of now? Will be forced to make more hacky jokes about Jayson Werth’s vag beard and Kim Myers teeth being left on a Boston sidewalk? This team needs Moyer.

But the article (that I barely read) did say “the two sides have a desire to work out a contract”. I guess that works. But then again, I have a desire to suffocate under Katy Perry’s breasts.

Hopefully, both will come true. Titties and apology after the jump.

*Anna, I’m so fucking sorry of making an ass out of myself at your party. I never apologize, so I’m genuinely sorry. There’s a 0.2734% of you actually reading this, but I’m infinitely sorry. I’ll find some way to make it up to you, love.

• Brian's BoCOCK '10 inch on Phillies future first baseman… Chase Utley?
• Chris on Phillies future first baseman… Chase Utley?
• Bozo on Phillies future first baseman… Chase Utley?
• Brian's BoCOCK '10 inch on Phillies future first baseman… Chase Utley?
• Bozo on Phillies future first baseman… Chase Utley?