Hi there, observant reader! Those familiar with my inane, angry, psychotic ramblings insightful posts are accustomed to my personal brand of “you stupid fucking moron, that’s the stupidest fucking idea I’ve ever heard” and “[Howdy S. Thompson]’s opinion is the correct one, ya ‘ol coozbag”.
Some thought Ryan Madson would fill in as a closer admirably. Some didn’t. Inquiries were made about a washed-up fatty. They were beautifully untrue. Advice to not sign a washed up midget lover was ignored. A self-centered blogger used his own post to highlight his previous posts.
In regards to the recent stupid idea, ESPN (that network with the naked chick reporter and those enema-brained anchors) proposed a truly fucking stupid fucking idea. Let the literary colonic begin:
Brett Myers, eyeing a sooner-than-expected recovery from hip surgery, might return to the Philadelphia Phillies as a reliever rather than as a starter.
The benefits could be twofold: Myers would be able to return more quickly as a reliever than as a starter, while the Phillies’ injury-depleted bullpen could get some much-needed relief.
The benefits could also, and more likely be, shitfold. I doubt Myers, a guy who was known for most of his career as being a lazy fatty, is the type to quickly get in shape. Yes, he has made an effort to lose weight in recent seasons, but I imagine he has spent the past couple of months eating Fritos and drinking adult beverages. And we all know how Myers has performed as a closer. So moving him to the bullpen (AND SETTING HIM UP FOR FAILURE LIKE THEY DID FOR MAD DOG!) will worsen an already ravaged bullpen. Myers opinion:
“I just felt like for me to get back quicker, it would have to be out of the bullpen,” he said, according to the Philadelphia Daily News.”
Fuck and no. You know what starters normally do? They pitch a couple of AA games, let up some runs, say “who gives a fuck about the minor league team’s wins and losses?”, and don’t fuck up an already fucked up bullpen as conditioning practice.
Fuck yo logic, ESPN and Brett! Pitch some AA games. Tell Ruben to pull an Ed Wade and trade for some relievers. We can’t have you giving up routine dingers in the late innings. Lake Bell’s titties after the jump (from above!):
12 Comments on “Another stupid pitching idea…”
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General
July 29th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Pfffffffffbbbbbbbbt.
July 29th, 2009 at 12:43 am
I disagree. (with your post, not the tits)
July 29th, 2009 at 12:53 am
Tits McGee is at it again.
I think Myers would be good in that bullpen role. It would be good for the team..providing Chuck utilized him correctly.
That is all.
July 29th, 2009 at 12:54 am
I’d like to see them grab a reliever from somewhere, but considering what they just had to put on the DL, and especially considering than Special K is now in the bullpen, I don’t think they’re in any position to be rejecting any kind of potential bullpen help.
And speaking of grabbing. Tiiiiiiits.
July 29th, 2009 at 12:54 am
I dunno how a feel about Myers in the pen, actually I do. In relief, sure why not. In closing, no way. Despite Lidge’s struggles, I’m not pulling the plug on him yet.
July 29th, 2009 at 2:05 am
I agree. Send Myers down to the minors, get him a few starts, and let him build up his strength for a few big league September starts before the playoffs. That way, if he’s looking good, Cholly can send him out there as a 4th starter. If Reuben gets his shit together and pulls the trigger on a Halladay trade, it could be Halladay, Hamels, Blanton, and a recovering Myers as the playoff rotation, and that is a pretty awesome thing to imagine.
July 29th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Well, I agree that it is stupid for Brett to rush back just so he can pitcher on the team again. He should have some rehab starts and feel confident before he takes the mound for the Phillies again – whether as a starter or as a reliever.
Also, the whole idea of a “closer role” is so stupid. You shouldn’t have to use your closer because it’s a save situation or have to sit your closer because it isn’t the 9th inning. Recently a few managers have swayed away from this idea, which is good. I remember earlier in the year Bobby Cox used Gonzalez is the 9th, rather than their closer Soriano, because the Phillies had three lefties coming up. If a team has their 3-4-5 hitters coming up in the 8th, why not use your closer.
Cliffnotes: IT’S TIME FOR CHANGE
July 29th, 2009 at 9:59 am
“And we all know how Myers has performed as a closer.”
what pitcher are you looking at?
July 29th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I wholeheartedly disagree with this assessment. I love your stylings, Howdy, but you don’t know if Myers is a total slob, or in good shape. Given that he’s somehow 3 months ahead of schedule, my guess is that Fritos weren’t involved.
July 29th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
The fat slovenly frito eating Brett Myers seems to be someone of the past. I’d be happy with him in a relief role simply because of the lack of other options out there and how eager Brett is to get back in the game.
July 29th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
tits
July 29th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
I know you guys weren’t really following the phils back in ‘07 like you were now when it’s fashionable to print humorous t-shirts (this time last year, you were probably totes looking forward to Eagles training camp!), but you have absolutely no credible argument that Myers cannot, in the next few weeks, be in shape or get his arm ready for the kind of 1+ inning-type relief work that will really help the Phils down the line. Every spring training in recent memory Myers has come to Florida in shape and ready to go. The rest of this season, the dude is pitching for his career in whatever’s left of this season post-hip surgery, so why prevent him from going the setup/closer route if that’s what he can train to prepare for? Plus, who’s saving a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the 9th out in San Fransisco in September?
*Lidge walks leadoff hitter Fred Lewis on 4 pitches. Then, Juan Uribe reaches first on infield single to pitcher. Do you see where this is going?*
Clearly, Lidge was ruthless last year. But he’s basically making the ‘08 version of Troy Percival look like Dennis Eckersley in ‘09 and Madson didn’t exactly handle the closer duties well. Myers back in the bullpen, a la ‘07, provides the Phils with an option of a bro with a good closer mentality with a proven track record. There is no sense in stretching him out to be a starter if we’ve already got a surplus.
Underboob looks great, though!