As a credit to my journalistic integrity (journalistic integrity = yelling at everyone, often in obscenity-laden rants), I have to call out one of the brahs of the Fightins on somethin’. As pointed out by commenter Leann, ‘Duk of Big League Stew recently chastised Phillies fans for booing perennial asshat Adam Eaton.
Adam Eaton is a fuck. Adam Eaton is worthless. Adam Eaton is useless. Adam Eaton makes me so mad I only type in short sentences. To misquote Slayer: “[Eaton] is hate, [Eaton] is fear, [Eaton] is war. [Eaton] is rape, [Eaton's] obscure, [Eaton's] a whore”.
From ‘Duk’s column:
And, over time, they’ve made so many cases about why it was OK to throw snowballs at Santa Claus
Stop right there. The old ’snowballs at Santa’ is the equivalent of the ‘Hitler was an atheist’ argument. It’s a fallacy that has spread over time and has little support. It’s not entirely true, it’s at best a situation taken out of context. No educated person should lower themselves to using the hackneyed attention grabbers of ESPN. But back to the real issue.
There is no defense of Eaton. He made almost no positive contribution to the team. Geoff Geory and Michael Bourn made a bigger contribution to the Phillies’ success last year. Matt Stairs, with his one moment in the NLCS, made a bigger impact than Eaton. Eaton had literally no role in the postseason success of the Phillies.
Is it right to boo him? Fuck yes. It is only wrong in the sense that all booing can be philosophically stated as wrong, but as you fair readers know, I don’t give a fuck about my fellow citizen. I don’t give a shit about my team’s players and no one truly does. I’m not a romantic, and I’m not saying that you have to adopt my beliefs, but never tell me that you care about the emotions of some random person for the 4-5 years they were a part of your major league roster.
Not to rag on you ‘Duk but Adam Eaton is a worthless piece of shit and a shame to the Phillies logo.
Check out them British funbags after the jump:
44 Comments on “Adam Eaton is indefensible”
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General
April 8th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
why does this man not hold a political office
also, YAY TITS
April 8th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
did somebody say adam eaton?
i can’t even BELIEVE there are the handful of terrorist sympathizer pussies on the fightins and at beerleaguer defending ADAM FUCKING EATON. i booed him at the city hall rally in 2007 and i booed him every time he touched the ball in 2008. for those who may have forgotten, he didn’t play at all down the stretch in 2008 (because he sucked so bad in the majors that he was sent down to the minors to suck) and didn’t play a single inning in postseason 2008. and he wasn’t invited to the WFC parade. why was he invited today? why did he get a ring? he had nothing to do with it, despite his “helping the phillies to the postseason”. (meech, i trust you’ll href that shit.)
david maialetti’s DN/inq photo of the orioles’ admission that 2009 is a wash (go to 16 of 32) …
http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/art/World_Series_Ring_Ceremony_Day.html?cmpid=36308824
in conclusion, fuck adam eaton, and who is kelly brook and how can i get to know her better?
April 8th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
@beelove
Go to the celebrity nude scene forums (phun.org is my personal favorite) and search for Kelly Brook in ‘Three’ or ‘3′. She acts wonderfully in that movie.
April 9th, 2009 at 12:11 am
Even if I had some strange brain disorder where the main symptom was that I thought Adam Eaton was at all useful to baseball or the world, this blog entry would change my mind. Well done, sir.
April 9th, 2009 at 12:16 am
If you paid me 24.5 Million dollar in an economic recession and claimed i was a world champion, YOU COULD BOO THE FUCK OUT OF ME. To Adam Eaton, you deserve every boo, more so than JD Drew, without JD being a douche, there would have been no Pat.
April 9th, 2009 at 12:55 am
you guys were boo-ing?
…I was saying boo-urns…
April 9th, 2009 at 5:26 am
wow. another sports journo bitching about Philly fans being assholes. how original, Duk. for the opening week of baseball season, you’d think there’d be more important stories to report on, but i guess not.
Philadelphia fans are like the Simon Cowells of baseball; we might not sugar-coat it, and you may hate us, but we’re rarely wrong in our assessments on who sucks. we just say what nobody else will. screw political correctness, this is BASEBALL. stop crying and get over it.
P.S. my sister is sitting next to me defending Eaton, saying nobody deserves to be booed at a championship ring ceremony. I promise to punch her in the neck while she’s sleeping.
April 9th, 2009 at 7:41 am
nice!
April 9th, 2009 at 7:55 am
I can’t wait to buy Eaton’s ring off eBay, even though I doubt he will ever need the money after the contract we gave him.
That said, I agree with Duk. I think it was in poor taste and we should have just kept on cheering and enjoy the last moments of celebrating our 2008 Championship. Eaton had the balls to go out there, I don’t feel it was necessary to give him shit. He helped us dominate the Mets in 2007 a couple times. For that, I have to give him some credit.
April 9th, 2009 at 8:04 am
I booed him. He knew it was coming – he sarcastically threw his arms in the air as soon as he came out of the dugout.
To me, there are three questions here:
Did he deserve a ring? He did win three games for us last year. OK, his record was 4-8, but his fourth win came when he pitched one mopup inning, and the Phils scored 7 in the bottom half to go ahead 10-9. We didn’t win the division by three games, so I would argue that Eaton helped get us to the postseason, and therefore, should get a ring.
Did he deserve to get booed? At risk of preaching to the choir here, absolutely. $2.6 million per win earns you some boos.
But did Eaton deserve to get booed at the ring ceremony? This is where cognitive dissonance clouds the minds of the Eaton defenders. The paragraph that ends ‘Eaton had literally no role in the postseason success of the Phillies’ is exactly right. Well said.
April 9th, 2009 at 8:10 am
same people who boo at stupid stuff (like eaton at a ring ceremoniy) at games are the same that leave early.
April 9th, 2009 at 8:50 am
this retard guy … he’s my kind of guy … in a totally heterosexual way
April 9th, 2009 at 9:03 am
i saw funbags and immediately clicked to see them. There was there a blog entry before it?
April 9th, 2009 at 9:18 am
I guess Duk doesn’t realize that most, if not all, baseball cities are not St. Louis and we don’t cheer for every guy for everything he does even if it sucks. Eaton was a cockwallet and got rocked in the Minor Leagues. Every boo that was thrown at him was earned.
April 9th, 2009 at 9:34 am
He ruined many days of my life by pitching like shit so I have no problem watching him get booed on the day he received a ring he didnt deserve (but he believes he did deserve it)
April 9th, 2009 at 10:08 am
It wasn’t a malicious boo. It was a boo/laugh. One final boo for the parting of ways. Totally acceptable!
April 9th, 2009 at 10:16 am
He did something. He ate innings and kept other arms fresh. Also, he had the decency of being so bad that the team had to go out and get an upgrade. I booed him anyway.
April 9th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Jay does have a point….hmmmm…that makes me think a little…
April 9th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Utter silence or crickets chirping would have been better than boos IMO
April 9th, 2009 at 11:06 am
People act like booing somebody is the worst thing in the world. gimme a fucking break. Unless your a Phillies fan, you just don’t get it, so shut the fuck up. I’d like to see your team put up with that asshole for as long as Philly did.
April 9th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
HDYSR u said “never tell me that you care about the emotions of some random person for the 4-5 years they were a part of your major league roster” so ur saying that u dont care about Pat Burrell, im not saying Adam made the same impact as Pat but as ‘Duk said “he didnt hurt our team in getting us the championship”
April 9th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
He didn’t help either.
April 9th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Not to nitpick, but Bourn was on the Astros last year, as was Geary, thus they did not contribute to the championship run. Also, Stairs’ HR was in the NLCS, not NLDS.
April 9th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
@The Legend
My point being that the Bourn/Geary/Costanzo trade for Lidge/Bruntlett helped the Phillies. And thanks for the heads up on the NLDS/NLCS, Imma change that now.
@John
I don’t try to humanize players. I see them as interchangeable parts, possibly due to my flaming misanthropy. Sometimes I do revel in the quirks and individuality of certain players, but I do not truly care for them. I shed no tears for them. And I find it ridiculous when people say “don’t boo him, he’s a human being, just like you and me”. The problem with that being, I treat people like shit no matter what their celebrity status may be. I see MLBers as equal to everyday people. And I treat people like shit all the time. To once again quote Slayer:
“I hate everyone equally, you can’t tear that out of me; no segregation, separation, just me and my world of enemies”.
April 9th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
“Not to nitpick”…but you will anyway
April 9th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Wait, so why didn’t Kyle Kendrick get booed. He deserved it more than Eaton imo.
April 9th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I once saw Adam Eaton get booed when he appeared on the scoreboard at a game just to say “these are todays birthdays”
April 9th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Adam Eaton is a human being, had his kids there and probably should not have come, and knew he would hear boo’s…however:
The semi conscious beer slopping fans and cigarette breath group that writes on these blogs of how Adam deserved booing may be fair to say because unlike them, he was not perfect, but the IQ level of the idiots that think their convoluted viewpoints represent normal people in the Philly area is insulting..Maybe they should save buying tickets to the game and pay some back child support or take anger management classes, or get a part time job at the local dollar store or just try to input in the narrow brains some decent attempts at being mature and normal ….Impossible though because it has been proven that you can’t draw any class out of an asshole, and many are so good at being assholes!!
April 9th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
@Thriller: How much cash did KK rake in last year? And Eaton?
April 9th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
damn i hope HDYSR rips u a new asshole DavePhilly, u fuckin pompous prick
April 9th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
If you take the curvy part of the ‘a’, stretch it a ‘lil bit, you can totally make ‘class’ out of ‘asshole’.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:22 am
i used to wake up on the days eaton was starting and wished his dad just shot him down the toilet instead. thank god for the orioles.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:52 am
@Dave
Adam Eaton’s kids should understand that their dad is a dickhead and when you are paid $24.5 MILLION DOLLARS (that is likely 24.5 times what you will make in your entire lifetime for just 3 years of work — 1.5 years in reality) to do a job and not only do you not do that job but then you publicly criticize your employer and your clients, that you’re generally going to be regarded as a dickhead.
Most adults in this world have children. Most adults in this world have feelings too. Having either does not leave you exempt from the repercussions of your actions.
Brett Myers beat up his wife, acts like a dickhole 99% of the time, and sucked worse than Eaton for the first half of the year but he apologized, got back on the horse, tried to figure his shit out and ultimately was celebrated as a World Champion. It’s not like this city doesn’t want to embrace anyone, it just wants the players to embrace them too. It’s far more noble than some candy-ass mentality that just because some jock in stir-up pants, who plays a child’s game, suits up every evening he’s deserving of our admiration.
…and seriously, who really gives a fuck about Santa Claus. He doesn’t play for your team.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:34 am
i’m still giggling about “cockwallet”.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Dave, what are ya doin? Honestly man, who do you think you’re talking to? You think any of us are gonna give two shits what keys your stubbly fingers press? You would have been better off typing this in an e-mail and sending it back to yourself. Vent away young grasshopper, but you are preaching to the Wrong. Fucking. Crowd. (WFC)
April 10th, 2009 at 10:56 am
As well worded as your rant may be, Dave, your description of the “average” fan who writes on blogs such as this is egregiously wrong. While I haven’t taken a poll, I suspect that the vast majority of us regulars around here are not unemployed, uneducated, dead beat parents who have anger issues. Your blanketed and misinformed insults on a group of people who are here every day providing well informed back and forth chatter are no better than the acts of jeering you are trying to protest. Boo to you, sir.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:37 am
yeah dave i wasnt too thrilled about the booing, but i cant say we’re on the same page old fella. I was a bit upset about it becuase it was going to overshaddow a good thing like the ring ceremony, but it was all in fun im sure. But, you’ve seemed to have pegged the typical fan as beer slopping and cigarette breathing poor people. Well, not all of us are as holy as you. While I dont slop beers, i do drink them. And, im kind enough to chew some winterfresh after i smoke a cigarette just incase your old lady comes around. Frequently, she stops down the dollar store for some funions and we usually hit it off. Its weird though, i managed to draw some class out of her asshole. Tight and fresh, you aughta try it sometime, you classy, perfect dude.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:46 am
@Dave Philly: suck a bag of dicks.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
@Thriller #26: KK won 11 games last year, one of three pitchers with double-digit wins
April 10th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
@Tug: love the Louie CK reference. I would’ve also accepted: “young cunt I hope he dies” or “go eat a fat faggot treat you fat faggot.”
April 10th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
@Lou Marson’s l.i. Now the only question is, does Dave Philly take each dick out of the bag and suck it individually, or just suck the whole bag?
April 11th, 2009 at 12:59 am
does he have to make them all come?
April 11th, 2009 at 9:25 am
I think he just sucks the side of the bag. But I wouldn’t know, I’ve never even sucked one dick.
April 11th, 2009 at 10:19 am
dick bag pipes?