The purpose of this exclusive The Fightins dot com feature is to foster a rivalry between the Phillies beat writers by keeping a running tally of who scoops who on Twitter and turn it into a year-long dick joke. You can play along by reading their tweets in this convenient list.

Their scores as of March 8, 2010:

Matt Gelb continues to destroy the competition in the face of obvious attempts the others have taken at sabotaging the rookie’s efforts at reporting on the Phillies (evidenced here). In spite of these shenanigans, he refuses to complain and just continues to kick everyone else’s ass for the second straight week.

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It has been over a year since Pat Burrell was signed away from us by the Rays, and after a disappointing first season with his new club, fans down in the Tampa/St. Pete area don’t seem too thrilled about having him back for his second season as DH.

Well guess what, Tampa/St. Pete? The feeling’s mutual:

“I don’t know if there is any way of saying this without getting myself in trouble, but there is definitely a different excitement level [in Philadelphia]. I think more than anything, there is a stronger tradition for baseball there. That goes without saying.”

In other words, Pat’s trying to say that Tampa fans are gimmicky bandwagoneers who couldn’t care less about baseball, nor do they understand the game particularly well. As a matter of fact, it is a such a generally understood or accepted notion, that you don’t even have to say it aloud.

Pat wasn’t done though,

“You talk to a lot of players and certain players don’t like to play in Philly, certain guys love it and I was one of the guys that really enjoyed it. I probably saw the full parameter of the good and the bad. But at all times you knew that people cared. They want you to win and they come out and support you. I’m not sure enough players appreciate that because there aren’t many places like it. You have Chicago, New York, and places like that, but I think it’s the minority.”

Even more impressive than Pat’s correct usage of the word parameter is the fact that Pat still feels that way about a city who — let’s be honest — treated him pretty harsh for being a such a productive player over the course of nine years. Surely the World Series title in ‘08 helped his perception, but Pat Burrell can relate to the Philadelphia fan (especially the women) better than a good 90% of the athletes that pass through town.

And I don’t know about you, but if the Phillies are in the market for a right handed bat off the bench for the stretch run, and the Rays were willing to eat a majority of his salary (and by majority, I mean all), I couldn’t think of a more exciting mid-season acquisition than Pat the Bat.

I’m fairly certain it has no chance of happening, but it sure does sound good.

Pat Burrell misses Phillies | Inquirer

Greatest Spring Training photo EVER:

and another, this time Cole’s headed upskirt:

Topps, in an effort to get ahead of the game, decided to include Cliff Lee in their Opening Day series as a Mariner. After some harmless photoshopping they came up with a pretty good representation of what Clifton will look like in a Mariners uni. Only one problem, are the Mariners honoring HK this year with a patch identical to the one The Fightins wore last year? I think it’s time again to hop in my roflcopter and do a barrellawl.

(H/T to Phillies Zone and Crossing Broad)

And so it begins.

The Phillies began their National League defense today, christening the 2010 season with a stunning victory over the defending champion New York Yankees. Despite allowing the Yankees to plate two in the top of the ninth to take a one run lead, the Phils rallied for two in their last at-bats to earn their first win of the non-season.

As expected, Roy Halladay was impressive in his first start of the spring, tossing two hitless innings while striking out three. Kyle Kendrick, Doc’s protege, put up two scoreless frames as well, allowing one hit and striking out one.

So what does this all mean?

Nothing. It means nothing at all. It’s the first week in March, so consider everything that happens between now and April 4^th to be completely and utterly meaningless. Because it is. It’s Spring Training, and the Phillies play in something called the “Grapefruit League.” There are 10AM games. I haven’t played a 10AM game since I was nine. There are off-days to play golf. Players jog on the warning track in between at-bats after they’ve been replaced by someone with “84” on their back.

Make no mistake about it, you are all bearing witness to some awfully inconsequential baseball. And really, unless your name is Kyle or Jamie, then you can go ahead and hit the snooze alarm and coast for the next month. However, there are some (You know them better as WIP callers) who disagree. For them, spring training has as much weight and meaning as a mid-September game between against the Mets.

It goes without saying, and I feel like a dolt for even writing such things, but it’s not the same. It’s not even close. If Roy would’ve have struck out all six batters he faced, you’d say “Sure, he’s Roy.” Had he got knocked around, you’d say “It’s early. He’s just getting his reps in.” And although you’d be admonished for ending a sentence with a preposition, you’d be right. Or wrong. Or neither, because quite frankly, no one is ever right when it comes to this time of the season, because there is nothing to be right about, because it has no meaning.

This stems from the comments heard and read regarding Phillipe Aumont’s brief appearance on Wednesday night against the FSU squad. He didn’t look impressive. He didn’t look like he was just missing his spots, either. He just looked bad. He looked like he had the nerves of a Ben Stiller character.

But what do you expect? It’s spring training, the kid had the butterflies, and it got the best of him. And whatever you do, don’t you dare blame his struggles on his constantly adjusting arm slot that is completely common among pitchers on the third of March.

So please, for the love of the game, take this grain of salt. It’s a long season.

/Author’s note: I realize how unnecessary and pointless the above article was. Only like 5% of the population cares about spring training games. Unfortunately, that 5% has discovered the internet. And they are motivated, and unstoppable, like a grizzly bear who discovered kevlar. It’s a massive headache and an act of sheer futility just having to avoid these people. So please, bear with this utterly inane excuse for a column. After all, it’s spring training for me, too. I promise they’ll get better.

The highlight of the Phils’ first Spring Training game today, other than Doc Halladay completely pwning Yankee ass, would be this graphic shown during the ridiculously boring middle innings today.

From the looks of this wonderful comparison of two aces in action, it looks like baseball is going to be fucking awesome on CSN (or Xfinity SportsNet at some point during the regular season) once again. I actually really enjoyed the Doc, Forehead, and Kendrick interviews from the booth boys today. The radio boys seem to be in mid-season form as well.

(pic via our very own Chris; UPDATED pic in crispy 1080px width via @dhm)

The greatest interviewer in the business, Dave Brown of Yahoo!’s Big League Stew, spent a little QT with everyone’s favorite bearded rightfielder the other day in Clearwater. The entire interview is classic, but the part that fascinated me was when Dave had the GALL to ask Jayson if he could touch his beard:

Did Dave Brown get to touch the Beard?  Find out, only on The Stew.

Answer Man: Jayson Werth talks heritage, MMA and the beard | Big League Stew

This amateur video was taken by someone in the crowd during last night’s win over FSU at Bright House Field. The paparazzi were obviously out in full force to catch a glimpse of Jayson Werth’s Beard.

(via @CrashburnAlley)

The Phillies beat the Florida St. Seminoles in some pre-pre-season action tonight 13-6, but more importantly, Charlie Manuel was captured on film in the dugout with his hands down his pants. While blowing a bubble.

(photo via David Swanson/Philly.com)

UPDATED: Our manager was caught with his hands down his pants not once, but TWICE!

(photo via Miles Kennedy/Phillies.com)

Before Pat Burrell was a #1 draft pick for the Phillies back in the ‘98 amateur draft, he was breaking records and winning Golden Spikes and College World Series MVP awards for the University of Miami. Then in 2008, 10 years after his college career ended, Pat was honored for his collegiate efforts by being inducted into the prestigious sports hall of fame located down there in Coral Gables, Florida. 

So why am I bringing all this up now?  I’m glad you asked.

The fine folks who man the umsportshalloffame YouTube account have been tirelessly uploading various intro videos and induction speeches from years past.  Lucky for us, one of the players they just added was Pat Burrell.

First up is his introduction video, and after the jump you can check out his speech.  I have to warn you though, the University of Miami’s sound engineers didn’t too such a good job with the volume, so you’ll more than likely have to turn it all the way up then place your ear to the speakers. 

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