Brad Lidge was a guest on Comcast SportsNet’s Daily News Live yesterday and was asked the same question that Jimmy Rollins incorrectly answered last week, “What is your opinion of the Philly fans?”

Now, granted, Lidge hasn’t had to face the wrath of the angry Philadelphian yet, but considering his last few years in Houston weren’t exactly a walk in the (Minute Maid) park (I crack myself up!) - he at least has a point of reference. Well anyway, Lidge passed his test with flying colors; practically performing audio-fellatio on the Philly fans, just the way we like it:

Two trendsetting fans of the Phillies have been popping up at The Bank recently paying tribute (in their own, unique sort of way) to former Phillies legends and current broadcasters, Larry Anderson and Sarge Matthews.  Adorned in the freshest of the Mitchell & Ness’, fake ’staches, afros and American headwear; these gentleman have raised the bar for any so-called fan that dares walk through the turnstyle claiming to be a fashion connoisseur.

Consider me jealous, fellas.

After the jump, check out the video and side-by-side comparisons to their counterparts in the booth…

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James Beale, proprietor of The Sports Complex over at the City Paper’s website, recently penned what is easily the best Cole Hamels feature piece I have ever read.  I can’t even do the thing justice with a summary, so I’m just going to highly recommend you go over there and read it for yourself.  It gives you an excellent perspective on what some (morons) consider to be a fragile, uncooperative pitcher along with a couple interesting anecdotes including the time Cole had to whoop a dude’s ass for messing with his friend.

And if you happen to have the attention span of a fish and don’t like reading a whole bunch of words and shit, go there just for the pictures that James somehow finagled from Cole’s parents.  Like this one:

I apologize for the lack of posting the last couple of days. My barely year-and-a-half old piece of shit Dell computer died the other day and I finally re-upped last night. As soon as I get finished with the installation process and load this baby up with porno, I shall return to my #1 priority, tending to my pregnant wife and son blogging! Until then, immerse yourself in these wonderful links…

• Baseball has finally accepted the fact that instant replay might… gasp!… actually help the umpires make the right call. They’re such forward thinkers over there at MLB. Now, if you don’t mind, please go back to mid-April and review this bullshit Mark DeRosa homer. That would make us just ½ game behind the Mets. Whoopee! [The 700 Level]

• Jimmy Rollins is a first-ballot, no doubt about it, surefire, slam dunk, slap your cock, Hall of Famer. For the Arizona Fall League, that is. [Waiting For Next Year]

• Purveyor of the Podcast for the blogging community, Dan Levy, puts Jason Weitzel of Beerleaguer On The DL. They discuss his ‘Best of Philly’ honor for sportswriting (I withdrew my name from contention on some Katherine Heigl shit), the big-headed shitbox Buzz Bissinger, and Jimmy Rollins. Go listen. [On The DL]

• For the ladies, Bar Rafaeli:

• Blogging Mecca, Deadspin, is conducting their annual ‘Deadspin HOF’ voting this week and if you only vote for one HOF-er — IT MUST BE MARQUES SLOCUM’S FUCK LION. If you are unfamiliar with the best interview ever conducted in the history of people, check it out on EDSBS. Then go vote. [Deadspin]

Rollins’ First Law of Emotion: “…for every action, there’s a reaction.”

A noble experiment though it was, “Campaign Cheer” failed in its quest to persuade the faithful at Citizens Bank Park to refrain from making all but the most supportive noises. The urge to boo Jimmy Rollins was too great to resist, and watching the shortstop go hitless again did little to soothe the savage beasts.

“If they want to boo me, that’s fine. Boo me. Just keep it off everyone else. . . . You had some cheers, you had some boos. Like I said, when you get the win, they’ll cheer you.”

Cheering after a victory? Typical Philadelphia fan mentality. I’ll bet they’re unhappy when the team loses, too, the ungrateful bastards.

If nothing else, the outpouring of Rollins’ soul brought forth what may be my favorite J-Roll quote, ever:

That should be on a T-shirt, you say? Consider it done!

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a “front-runner” is:

1 : a contestant who runs best when in the lead

2 : a leading contestant in or as if in a rivalry or competition <e.g., a political front–runner>

According to the sports community, a “front-runner” is:

1 : a fan who shifts their loyalty to whichever team has had the most recent success, or the best chance of success. For example…

This guy, 1994: “WOOOO! COWBOYS RULE!”

Same guy, 1998: “BRONCOS, BABY!”

Same guy, 2004: “THE PATS ARE GOIN’ ALL THE WAY!”

According to Jimmy Rollins, however, a “front-runner” is:

1 : a fan who’s on his side when the team is doing well

2 : a fan who’s completely against him when the team is doing poorly

What this tells me is that J-Roll doesn’t quite understand the term he used to describe his own fan base. If in fact I was, as Rollins said, a “front-runner” then I’d be rooting for the Mets right now. I would sooner chew tin foil laced with hydrochloric acid.

Tonight marks the return home of Rollins and his merry band of misfits, fresh off a 2-5 disaster of a West Coast road trip, which included a four-game sweep by the resurgent Dodgers and an 8-3 shellacking from the 48-75 San Diego “Who Wants Greg Maddux? Anyone?” Padres.

(That loss was Kyle Kendrick’s second god-awful outing in a row; maybe 32pitch’s comment wasn’t that stupid after all.)

Thanks to merciful scheduling, the Phightin’s get to kick off a nine-game home stand by hosting the 44-81 Washington Doormats. Meanwhile, the Mets – currently in first place by 1.5 games – are home to face Atlanta, against whom they are 2-7 this season. We need that trend to continue, since it would appear that beating the Mets by themselves has proven a difficult task for the Phillies.

The big question on many minds today is: What kind of reception can our outspoken lame-duck MVP expect from the masses? GM-Carson, one of the great minds over at We Should Be GM’s, proposes a unique, rather un-Phillyesque tactic. He calls it, “Campaign Cheer.” We call it friggin’ ingenious.

Blanton faces Bergmann tonight. Who will suck worse? Gosh, I hope it’s their guy! GO PHILS!

And no, “sign your wife’s shirt” is not a euphemism for “bang her repeatedly” — although it very well could be. Take a look at one gentleman’s YouTube submission entitled, “Pat Burrell autgraphs [sic] my wife’s shirt”:

haha, Pat says, “Just hold it tight and don’t move.”

Something tells me that’s not the first time he’s used that line on a young lady in San Diego, AMIRITE? The woman counters with, “You’re my favorite and I like your butt.”

You stay classy, San Diego. (Get it? Like that character said in Anchorman?)

I don’t know much about former Padres pitcher and current analyst Mark “Mud” Grant, but I do know one thing: In the short amount of time the Phillies were in San Diego, he obviously tried copying off the King of Broadcasting Style, Sarge Matthews. Friday night, the man whom they call Mud was in the Padres broadcasting booth - sans hat - to witness the 1-0 pitcher’s duel between Jamie Moyer and Greg Maddux. Well, guess who showed up Saturday night wearing a cheap imitation of a Sarge hat?

(Alright, I’ll tell you — Mark Grant)

Now, I’d be willing to bet Mr. Grant was roaming around the press area on Friday night, caught a glimpse of one of the many beautiful hats in the Sarge Matthews hat collection and rushed to the nearest San Diego hat store. Then he grabbed some crappy hat hoping he would look as cool as The Sarge.

Hate to break it to you Mark, but NO ONE is as cool as Sarge Matthews. NO ONE!

Cole Hamels was wonderful last night [nh], limiting the Padres to one run over eight strong to earn his first victory in 45 days. Perhaps it was the fact that the Padres are the worst team in the majors, but I think he was just trying to impress his parents.

Gary and Amanda Hamels, who reside in Sandy Eggo, had some primo seats to catch a glimpse of their son. When King Cole got out of the seventh by inducing an inning-ending double play, the cameras panned to the proud parents and Gary was downing a celebratory Miller Lite:

Good job, Mr. H. Besides the fact that you’re not allowed to drink beer on national TV, Cole’s pop looks like the type that grabs 3 Miller Lites at the concession stand just before they cut off beer sales in the middle of the 7th. Hey - he’s just like me!

(Tip of the red cap to The Kreesh for the heads-up)

During last night’s Phillies/Padres game, Brian Giles attempted to catch a foul ball and practically re-created the famous Rodney McCray wall crash in front of a nationwide audience on ESPN. As Jayson Werth’s fly ball was carrying towards the right field wall, Giles gave chase and made a noble effort for the catch, but wound up barreling through the Welk Resorts advert in foul territory. Thankfully, Giles stayed in the game and proceeded to go 0-4.

Go ahead, laugh:

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