7:05 PM on CSN and ESPN
Cliff Lee (2-3, 3.78 ERA)
PHILLIES: The Phillies B-Team will be taking the field behind Cliff tonight (Orr, Valdez, Mayberry, and Francisco are all starting) which almost assures that the team will score anywhere between 20 and 30 runs. The only question is does Cliff Lee have what it takes to win ballgames? Make sure do send all of your responses to that question to Danger Guerrero.
Jake Westbrook (2-3, 6.92 ERA)
CARDINALS: Tony LaRussa is back on the bench for the Cards tonight for the first time in a week. He had shingles. Have you seen the pictures? He looked fucking horrifying. That looks like zombie makeup that Stan Winston would have done for a John Carpenter movie or something.
There aren’t many ex-Phillies I truly miss, but Pat Burrell is DEFINITELY the one exception. Observe:
(via Big League Stew)
Hi there, Fightins readers. I’m Danger Guerrero. You may know me around these parts from my Phillies High series of posts, where I draw doofy cartoons, imagine members of the Phillies as youthful caricatures of themselves, and make Carlos Ruiz say things in a delightfully stereotypical Spanish accent. Good, good times. But I come to you today with a more serious, personal message. Something has been weighing on me the last few weeks, and I need to get it off my chest. Please meet me after the jump, so I can deliver this very special public service announcement to you.
While you most likely dug the idea of the Phillies wearing the 1974 powder blue road unis for yesterday’s Civil Rights Game, MLB (more specifically, Majestic) did a horrible job at recreating them. The most egregious error, imo, was the ENORMOUS ‘P’ on the cap, which looked to be about twice as high and three times as wide as the original caps. Great idea, poor execution. For all the rest of the discrepancies from the OG unis, head over to Uni Watch and check them out for yourselves. [Uni Watch] (Oh, and happy almost 5th anniversary, Uni Watch!)
Despite various reports saying IronPigs OF Domonic Brown would miss 5-7 days with a first-degree sprain of the UCL in his right thumb, sources close to the IronPigs have informed me that is NOT the case at all.
Dom injured (jammed) the thumb while diving for a ball in the outfield on Wednesday and was taken out of the game in the 8th inning as a precaution. And although he hasn’t played since, someone who spoke with Dom yesterday informed him of the 5-7 day timetable to which Dom responded was “news to him”. In fact, he was never even re-examined and was in the batting cages during yesterday’s 8-7 win against the Norfolk Tide and was available to pinch-hit if the Tide tied (homophones!) the game. Even the foam brace he was wearing on his right hand was gone yesterday, and Dom has listed himself as day-to-day, and said there’s a chance he could be in the lineup this afternoon.
UPDATE: Dom Brown is NOT in the starting lineup for this afternoon’s game vs. Norfolk.
1:35PM on PHL17 and TBS
Roy Halladay (5-2) 2.05 ERA
PHILLIES: Four score and seven years ago we wouldn’t had to pray for this team to score four runs. Luckily, God is pitching today.
Tim Hudson (4-3) 3.09 ERA
BRAVES: I’m not even going to go through the whole no hit thing again because yesterday what I said actually happened. So how about the Phillies score 3 runs off him and Halladay throws a shutout? Cool? Cool.
1:10PM on CSN
Joe Blanton (1-1) 5.83 ERA
PHILLIES: Big Baby Blanton apparently has a “cranky elbow” but is well enough to pitch. I don’t know, he’s bad then he’s good then he’s bad again. I have no idea how he is going to pitch. Then again, I never really have any idea about any pitcher and just make ridiculous assumptions. So, Phillies win. Blanton doesn’t give up a run.
Jair Jurrjens (4-0) 1.50 ERA
BRAVES: Ughhhhh time for another 5 innings of no hit baseball. Ultimately I guess we’ll be thankful for 1 run over 7 innings. Even though he really isn’t particularly good.
In the bottom of the 7th Eric O’Flaherty appeared to have Shane Victorino struck out on a called 3rd strike. Ok let’s cut the shit, it was a strike and this minor league ump, who was called up before the game, missed one big time. If this call had went against the Phillies I’d be losing my mind right now. But instead I won’t focus on that, instead let’s focus on the Phillies winning and Fredi Gonzalez’s epic managing.
The Braves dropped 4 sacrifice bunts tonight. 4. I think every time the Braves got a runner on first they sacrificed him over. Now, Fredi Gonzalez recently went to a SABR convention and last time I checked a sac bunt is a wasted out according to their species. Let’s check in with SABRbabe Bill Baer from Crashburn Alley:
Gonzalez must have been taking a dump during that presentation.
Look, I’m going to be honest. I’m a pretty drunk for this game tonight, and I’m on some new medications. So when I heard T-Mac and Sarge talking about Morgan Freeman’s face on a cookie I assumed I was hallucinating because, well, why would that exist? That doesn’t make sense. Why would the principal from Lean on Me and the detective from Se7en be on a cookie? I shook it off and continued to drink until the one and only @waverider15 posted this picture. Seeing is believing. So click through if you want to see a bigger version of a fucking Morgan Freeman cookie.
7:35 PM on PHL17
( 4-2, 2.83 ERA)
PHILLIES: Cole has faced the Braves twice this season coming into this matchup. He’s split the two games, drawing the loss last week when the Braves were in Philly, but earning the W in Atlanta on April 10th when he pitched seven shutout innings. Whenever you see him with a beard or goatee, that’s actually Joel Hamels, Cole’s evil twin.
(1-1, 2.98 ERA)
BRAVES: Remember that show on FX called “Son of the Beach”? It was awful, but because it was produced by Howard Stern, there was tons of T&A so it was actually kind of awesome. Brandon Beachy is kind of like that show, minus the awesome parts. Basically, I’m saying that Brandon Beachy sucks.
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