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An in-depth look at the autograph atrocity that is Dom Brown
Posted by Not Kerouac at 1:49 pm ET 22 Comments

Absolutely no one who goes to baseball games turns down autographs. Some follow, pester and even stalk and to get a hero’s name on anything. These memories can last forever and shape a childhood. Unless you get your tits signed, that shit is gone in three showers. You know who signed lots of tits? Darren Daulton.

(This chick probably blew Dutch)

It’s a shame he was in his prime when Magic scared the pants back on all the road beef or his numbers would have been Wiltian. What I am trying to say is, signatures mean something. Be it to a kid or geriatric, they represent memories and can say quite a bit about you. This is what brings us to today’s concern, Phillies top prospect Domonic Brown. Our very own Mr. Meech and any of his eleven children would kill for an autograph from their clan’s leader, but what would they be getting? Let’s take a look. (And the point of this post is not to demean Dom Brown — I’m sure Meech wouldn’t let this get published if it were — I’m merely pointing out a flaw that should really be fixed before he reaches ultra-superstar status. A public service if you will.)

Every ball player is asked to sign countless baseballs, but for some odd reason, most of Dom Brown’s autos look completely different. Here are a few examples:

As you can see, Browny hasn’t quite mastered penmanship yet.

(At least he spelled it right, I question the fightin of the Phillies when written like that.)

Maybe Dom just has trouble writing with the contour of the baseball and the unfriendly material?

Let’s check out some other mediums:

(Who the fuck is that!?)

(With the smear for good luck)

(I think that’s hieroglyphics and not Souls of Mischief kind)

Here is one signature for Dom to aspire to, the inscription as well:

(That crazy bastard could sure write his name)

In the end, I believe there is only one person to blame for his horrendous signature…

(Set an example Sarge!)

(Too focused on pimpin’ and not on signin’)


22 Responses to “An in-depth look at the autograph atrocity that is Dom Brown”

  1. Joe D says:

    Only way to correct Dom’s autograph problem is to call him up and have him work that right field line.

  2. Matt P. says:

    Clearly a hole in his signature. Holding his hands too high just before the ball gets there?

  3. I don’t see what the big deal is. He writes like every 23 year-old.

  4. Danger Guerrero says:

    This is why I spent most of 8th grade Algebra class perfecting my autograph. I don’t think any of you realize how prepared I am to be famous.

  5. Is it possible his surgery corrected this problem? Are any of those signatures post surgery and maybe that is why he actaully had it in the first place?

  6. JP says:

    In other words, if you don’t have a picture next to Dom signing your shit, it’s quite likely fake.

  7. WTT says:

    This team has become so popular that the Threshers are going to be on CSN, er, NBC Sports Philadelphia tonight. Incredible.

  8. Jorge Suarez says:


  9. burythemfast says:

    I’m mildly disappointed that “You know who signed lots of tits?” wasn’t followed by “PAT MOTHERFUCKIN BURRELL.”

  10. MooseKnuckles says:

    Sarge looks like he has a badass handlebar mustache

  11. Nino Espinosa says:

    This is not Dom Browns fault..anything he autographs should have those preprinted lines from kindergarten on them so he stays in the lines.

  12. the guy who writes the bad puns for halliday and lee games says:

    hopefuLEE you realize that when dom is signing balls his focus is on smashing them onto freeways not how pretty his autograph is

  13. JohnMatrix says:


  14. BakedMcBride says:

    The man is an artist. This ain’t ‘art in the age of mechanical reproduction’ bullshit, this is uniqueness, singularity, and aura all expressed in an autograph. That, or his hose is so fuckin’ strong and wild he can’t control it enough to sign a ball. The future, yo.

  15. John Krunk says:

    Dom signed your bitch’s labia with his trouser pen

  16. Shocksterman says:

    Anybody notice that the baseball card spells it DomInic rather than DomOnic… wtf?

  17. al says:

    @shocksterman – also notice his hands are not over his head like his normal (which is abnormal) current batting stance?!?!?

  18. Orrkis says:

    lol @ Donruss spelling Dom’s name wrong.

  19. Domoic Brown's autograph says:

    go away

  20. smfiv says:

    His autographs on the 2010 Bowman Sterling cards are all over the place. A lot of them aren’t even fully on the stickers. Kind of annoying.

    And EVERYONE spelled his name wrong up until last year or so, not just Donruss.

  21. Swanson says:

    The souls of mischief/hiero nod mixed in with baseball….amazing!

  22. that’s definitely baicker

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